Stage fright with sex writers? How to stop worrying

Don’t write about me!

Men worry about sex writers. The number of times I have had men I have never even met assume I am going to write about them. Expose them. Detail their kinks and the idiosyncrasies of their sexual performance. To the point where if we do meet, they are so up in their head with paranoia they can’t even do anything.

Let me reassure you with one indisputable fact- nobody would want to read about that.

Woman with grey curly hair and grey sweater writing in a book.  Why sex writers don't want to write about your performance. Stage fright with sex writers

What I include as a sex writer

My writing is generally about event reviews, interviews with people of interest on the swinger or kink scenes and about issues of ongoing unilateral concern. Racism. Inclusion. Gender equality. Consent and safety. Bisexuality. How to protect your feelings. To understand why others may not treat you the way you were hoping. How to craft your best non-vanilla life and lose notions from conventional society that no longer serve you in this space.

Unless you are really inundated with internet stalkers, your name is not going to be a hot search term on Google.

hands at computer. Stage fright with sex writers?  How to stop worrying.  Sex writers so not want to write about you
Photo by on

Why sex writers don’t want to write about you

As most sex writers have at least a little experience under their belts, it is unlikely that you are going to do something so completely mind blowing (whether good or bad) that it really warrants writing a post about it. There are exceptions- some erotic writers create scenes loosely based on their sexual experiments, conquests and adventures. If they do, be assured it will be written to make the scene sound hot to others, and you will likely come off far better than you did in reality.

woman holding a book. Hiding. Is it a secret? sex writers dont want to write about you.  How to stop worrying
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on

I do not write erotica. The limits of your potential exposure are as follows:

How I write about people as a sex writer


-I post quotes (anonymous or with links if people ask for them) about specific sexual topics to give a broader perspective than my own. With a pseudonym or a scene name if the person prefers.

Amusing stories

-I sometimes include a hilarious story to liven up an event review, but it will not make you identifiable in any way. For example: I’m at an event conducting a consensual impact play scene next to another scene and the benches are a little close together. We both draw up our floggers at the same time and they get tangled in mid-air. I stare at my neighbouring dominant awkwardly for a moment, as we both realise what stemmed our rhythm, then with British awkwardness try to disentangle. Couldn’t have done that if I tried.

two men and two women laughing together to demonstrate hilarious event by Ai Midjourney

You’re all just porn to me when I’m being a sex writer

-I like to reduce everyone to two objectifying descriptions– one which is considered conventionally attractive and one which is not, but present them both in an erotic way (because diversity and inclusion, right?) This applies to men, women and non-binary people. I will make you all sound hot in order to illustrate the background to an event and conjure a feeling that is seductive, inclusive or sets a tone. It’s not personal. You are scenery.

This includes my friends who I love dearly and have a great deal more nuance in real life. You are all churned into simplistic porn. Consider it ‘artistic licence.’ For example ‘The big handsome man stood before me, casting me into shadow. His round cheeks glistened in the light as his lips broke into a devilish James Bond smile and he drew me close, his hot breath on my neck.’

Or ‘I watched as she was illuminated by the light of the fire-play, her coffee-coloured skin aglow in the flames flickering off her sweat. Her soft curves seemed to melt at the touch of her Dominant, pink curls cascading off her shoulders she let out a giggle of arousal.’

a woman in black lingerie stands with shadows of blinds falling on her skin. is she a swinger? Is she an erotic creation by a writer?
Photo by Pixabay on

Photos for my sex writer blog

-Some photos are by friends or volunteers. Often they are amended to make them unrecognisable with photo apps (including changing age, hair and gender). Partly for anonymity, partly because I find photo apps and Ai amusing. Dancing with the Basilisk, you might say. Others are free source or I create them with Ai, usually Midjourney. Or they are property of the events I review or those I interview and have consent of those featured.

Man and woman unicorn hunting. Ai generated image of swinger topics to illustrate chat GPT generated swinger advice
I’m not sure what festival Ai just invented but it looks fun

Feelings and sex writers

What most people get featured as a part of is feelings. An examination of feelings within myself. Or feelings of others. This isn’t about name dropping (though there can certainly be the odd feisty anonymous insult). This is an examination of how a situation came to be that we wish had not happened, how we get past it and if we can do something differently next time. Yes, swingers have feelings too. Men, women, everyone. We all get hurt, we all hurt others. We all try to figure things out.

pink haired asian woman on a bridge looking sad. Has she lost her mojo?  Is she contemplating her feelings in the swinger scene

Who you should really worry about – not sex writers

Having reassured you that women sex writers are not after you for your content, I’d like to tell you who you really should have been worried about all along. I did tell you in the 2017 book, but if you missed it, here we go again.

cheerful young diverse women showing v sign while taking selfie on rooftop.  the swinger women have a hivemind of information and actually will review you
Photo by Kampus Production on

You need to be careful of the way you treat each and every single swinger woman on the scene.

Single women on the swing scene are considered the most vulnerable and easily exploited personas in the swinger world. Their response? They silently band together.

While the couples tend to operate as small units and the men as lone wolves, the swinger women are an absolute hive mind with dozens, if not hundreds, of connections. They really will review you and feedback. Treat her well and you will be inundated with offers from all her friends. Cancel last minute, get too drunk or behave like an idiot? The next 100 women you message will already know.

Treat every single swinger woman you meet like it’s an interview for a job of a lifetime. In terms of your sex life? It really is. Stop worrying about sex writers. We don’t care.

Happy hunting baby ducklings.

I won’t be reviewing your sexual performance. I don’t need to.

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