Unicorn interviews 5: The BDSM unicorn

So, what brought you to the scene originally?
It’s one of those things where you can look back and go, ‘oh yeah, those adverts from the sixties that are horribly sexist, with some housewife being spanked because she bought the wrong coffee…’ I remember being fascinated by them, I mean I couldn’t have described it, and I couldn’t have told you that that was what was interesting, but I do remember that there was something fascinating about it. I’ve always had quite vanilla partners, and there’s only so far you can push people, when it’s not their thing. Also without feeling like you are doing it wrong somehow.  Since my late teens when people started to talk about it, I knew what I had to do was different, and I knew I was getting it wrong. Because, you know, nice girls stay at home, and there’s all that kind of attitude still, so I just figured I had to tone it down a little and keep quiet, and do the normal thing.
How long have you been on the scene for?
I’m pretty new to the scene. It’s been about three or four months. Scary!
What are your observations so far?
For me, it was definitely s feeling of finding my tribe. So for me it’s been a very comfortable thing.  Also I haven’t come to it at 21, which for me I think has been a good thing.  I’ve come at a point where I’m really comfortable with this, because it is what I enjoy and I’m finding good people to enjoy it with, and friends, and the social scene, and all that side of it as well, which I think is important.  It’s not just I did this, or I did them. But its the whole kind of environment.  And I think that’s kind of essential. I don’t know if I’d have been as comfortable, or as confident in my early 20’s.
Which venues do you like the most?
I haven’t been around that long, so a limited amount. Torture Garden was my entry in, which I think it probably is for quite a few people. It’s fun there. And I love dress up in any way, shape or form. I have given drawers full of underwear and things that have had limited view time, so I think that’s actually..I know people get a bit snobby about it? Especially on the kink side? Kink light- in inverted commas. Actually I think there’s room for that kind of thing. It’s a damn good club night, with everything involved. Having said that, now I’ve kind of -about to say progressed. I’m not sure it is- but I’ve just ventured out.  I like DVS. Good nights there. It’s very newbie friendly. Can’t say I’ve done masses of events. I like Subversion Noir. That was, that was actually- I think I was a bit terrified of going.
So do you just do the BDSM events, or the swing ones too?
So I’ve done that night which was between the two. I’d say it was more swing oriented. I’ve been less confident about going to the swing stuff on my own. I think, because the impression I got, from random conversation and people’s impression of it, and also just because my initial exploration was around the BDSM side, having said that, I’ve every intention of going to Le Boudoir. That’s great, and I’m very comfortable.
They do have a dungeon downstairs too.
For me it’s not all or nothing. You know what I mean? It’s not that there’s any…some people like it isn’t..I totally respect it. Great, enjoy whatever it is that you enjoy. It’s like some people are into rope and that’s their thing, and that’s their only thing. Great! Enjoy. I like the variety.
How do you find people’s approaches have been? Have you had mostly single men, or couples approach, girls?
Yeah. It’s been more, I’d say.. so I’m on Fet**, and that’s how I got into it. So that is a lot of single guys. A lot with one line. You could do a course on that- how to write something! There’s a girl’s group that we’ve got- just a chat group- and we do actually regularly talk- there will be guys who scatter-gun copy and paste to basically the entire group. Now I have no problem, it’s a swinging site. It’s not about being a special snowflake, and that kind of thing. But girls talk! And it’s just entertaining. Especially when you see it across 14 different girls, you think ‘well, you’ve been busy’.
Does it make you feel less special?
Yeah. But I mean I didn’t come into it looking for a relationship, so I think that makes a big difference. So I think if what you want is a one to one, then you’re going to – a one to one partnership and you might swing, or a partnership where you get into kink and BDSM and that side of things, I think that’s actually harder, because it’s intrinsically a very open and very play-oriented place. There is a bit of an assumption that you’ll be up to it with everyone.
So you think it’s a good scene for singles, as opposed to couples?
Um, I think it depends what you want. I think if what you want is a relationship, that’s harder. I’ve fallen into one, which I wasn’t expecting at all, and wasn’t what I was looking for. We decided last week to call ourselves ‘dating’, we are not monogamous, because I think that would fail miserably, especially on my side. I’m probably more on the poly side than he is. We are taking it slowly and seeing how it goes. But I wasn’t looking for that. That wasn’t something that I went in for.
Do you think the two of you will be picking up single girls together?
Not at this stage. See it’s funny, because I’ve played with couples and I really enjoy it. That wasn’t something I went in thinking I had a particular…I like the idea of two guys, I didn’t have a particular thing in my head for a couple. But actually not just a guy and a girl- but a couple- where they’ve got a dynamic they’ve built: that place – there’s something about that I really enjoy When they are really comfortable with it.
So you are a true unicorn?
Yeah. And I didn’t know I – I mean it’s a term that sound’s nice. I’ll show you something because it will make you laugh – I did find a unicorn T shirt that I didn’t buy at TK Maxx because it’s a stupid amount of money for what it was, but I did take photos of it because I found it entertaining. Yeah, it’s all things. I’m Bi in the sense that I’m sexually attracted to women, I’ve never had a relationship with a woman- but I would have no particular problem- I have gone on dates with them – so for me there’s something about the couple dynamic that’s really attractive to me, if they’re in it together. I’ve had an experience where I was definitely the tick-list of ‘I’ve now slept with a woman’, and that was rather enjoyable! But it was early stages and you live and learn anyway, and make clearer what’s okay for you as well. That’s part of why I’m glad I didn’t come into it at 21, where I’d have felt like hell, and probably felt hugely insecure and horrible about the whole thing. This was like ‘Oh, okay’. Not something I’d do again. Not something I’m prepared to be again, but it’s not the end of the world.
So the couples that you decided to meet with- what was it that made you choose them out of all the, presumably, hundreds and hundreds, you get?
To be honest, they’ve been accidental for the most part. My first couple was before I came out on the scene. I was in America; in Miami, in a club, hammered. And a couple picked me up. It was totally unexpected. I would never in a million years have thought it, and I had a really good time. That was part of that whole kind of route into the scene. It is what I enjoy, and kind of- why am I not at least trying it to know? So the couple stuff has- I think it’s much trickier with messaging. I’m much more wary about it. It’s much harder just in terms of time. Finding time to meet people, finding time to meet a couple. Seeing if you get on with both of them. At events, it’s very comfortable. Because obviously you’re not trying to date them. You’re you know, it’s kind of an intrinsic thing. The downside of that is, for me it’s more about them – the couple, so I’m very aware of not pushing beyond boundaries that are clear it’s okay for me to go there? And obviously if you meet a couple after you, you can kind of expand those boundaries and its comfortable, and playful I suppose.
When do you think couples should talk about their boundaries, if they’ve decided on any?
I think they should have a good discussion. Because what it means, particularly if you are involving the BDSM side of it, it could have no sexual play, give or take. I have been in that position of not knowing ‘well can I kiss someone?’ or…it’s very much, for the most part, guys have no problem with you kissing their girlfriends, they are really fine with that! But then is she okay with me kissing him? That kind of thing. So for me, it’s a lot more attractive if they know where they stand, and the last thing I ever want to do is mess around someone else’s relationship. If it’s not right, don’t do it. Don’t do it because it’s on a website, or because it’s the thing you’re supposed to do to show you love them. You don’t. And if it is, what that would look like, is going to be different for everyone. I’m just starting to think, ‘well that’s something I have to think about’, dating someone. What am I comfortable with? I don’t entirely know. Some of that is, I guess, the person you’re with at the time and people you’re with, and keep talking about it?
Why do you think most couples have so much trouble finding a unicorn and closing the deal?
I think partly it is kind of intimidating coming into a couple’s dynamic. You know, if you’re in a good relationship, you’re a couple. As someone who likes that side of it, I quite like being fairly objectified- I like being the object of play, that’s fun for me. But it could mean that I could end up feeling very alone at the end of it, if I wasn’t comfortable, if things didn’t go the right way. If they just decided, ‘oh we don’t want to do this now,’ because they’re a couple then it makes a different kind of unit? So I think if you’re single then there’s a bit of an awareness of that. Also, you’ve got to be attracted to both of them. Both physically and who they are- because if you’re into the BDSM side rather than just the swinging side, then you’ve also got that element. Do you fit? Are the things that you like the same?
Do you find the treatment you get from people on the BDSM scene and the swing scene, in terms of couples, is quite different? Are there expectations?
Again, I can’t pretend to have any sort of expertise, partly because I’ve only had limited experience, and my swinging experience has been more sex stuff rather than couples, so I don’t know if I can give a really good answer to that. I’d say there’s a bit of a difference around the concept. So BDSM tends to be a lot more ‘ask first,’ you know, ‘what do you like, what’s okay?’ I think there is a little bit sometimes that the couples look for someone who is comfortable, or wants to do the things that maybe one of them doesn’t, or one of them would like to try. So if someone wants to try the cane and the other half isn’t into it, it’s okay doing it on someone else. whereas swinging isn’t like that. It’s more of a threesome, in that respect. But it’s a bit more ‘consent implied?’ Obviously you could say no at any time, and obviously that’s fine. It feels like a conversation. You don’t have a specific conversation before you start anything, of ‘where can I touch you, what are the no go areas,’ that kind of thing.
If you had a few top tips to give to a couple who decided to do this, and were totally new to it, what would you tell them? What is your main advice, from your experience?
Be really honest with yourselves about what it is you actually want. I mean it’s a nice thing, it’s like ‘I’m bored, we want another girl to play with’ – but to do what? Because if you know what you want, you’re much more likely to find someone who’s into a similar thing. And how that would work. And just kind of the basics, I mean can you accommodate, and a certain amount of reassurance about being normal human beings with lives and all that kind of thing. Because I think sometimes you can get caught up in this myth of who you have to be, and it’s …everyone has profiles.. it’s no different from the Instagram thing, everyone is showing a version of themselves, so it’s okay to, particularly if you are looking for something regular. I do things – I went to an event, which was very couple heavy. It’s a new one. And actually I think if you’re a newbie couple in general, it would be a really good type of thing. You’ve got singles and couples, it’s quite couple heavy, so it’s not just ‘you as a couple and a load of single people going, “Hey do you want me to play?”‘
That does tend to be a common scenario
I can see from that point of view as well, if you’re that couple, it’s very hard not to feel like you’re being predatory I’d have thought, even if you’re not, because it’s two against one, automatically. I do think there’ s something where it’s easier, and I’m saying this obviously because I’m bi and I love it too, it’s probably easier if women chat. But be really aware that someone might not like both of you. It think that’s just kind of…
Do you think couples should be more willing to split off?
Honestly, only if it’s a really good thing for them, I don’t think they should do it for the sake of ‘yeah there’s someone else,’ and I have heard stories from people where they’ve tried to get either the guy or the girl has approached them as a single person, and pulled them in as a dating thing, and then gone ‘oh, we’d like to introduce you,’ and actually introduce their actual partner.
Yes.
It’s a nasty thing to do.
I’ve got a blog post on that! (How to fool a unicorn: The Silver Bullet)
It’s one of those things where you’re just like, ‘that’s a lot a) that’s a lot of work, b) that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. Don’t do that!
It’s very often tried and very rarely done well. If it’s done well, you literally never know.
Seems like a lot of effort. I mean, I like straight talking. It’s one of the things I really like about both sides of the scene. It’s the straightforward honesty. I’m looking for sex. I’m looking for kink. I’m looking for someone to play with. I’m looking for someone to be my partner for ever. Or one of my multiple partners. And I really like this. It’s actually something, in more vanilla life is..amiss. I like it very direct, but I think an element of that would help most people’s relationships. That kind of ‘well what do I actually want?’ and the ability to say it. And if it’s not right for both of you then it’s not, and people have emotional egos and all that kind of thing, and egos get bruised I think. It’s also a reality sometimes you will get rejected, and it sucks. Even if it’s just on a night out, you know. That sucks. And that’s part of it. If that’s what you’re looking for, that’s kind of okay? No-one is going to be the right thing for everyone every time. It still sucks when it’s someone you quite like and, you know. Or everyone else seems to be getting it right and getting it together, and you’re like ‘Sigh. I’ll just go home then’. You know. I think there’s that side of it, which can be missed, because we are talking about all the wonderful swinging times we’re having, and they are. They’re great! I really enjoy myself. But, you know. You’ll always get an ebb and flow. I think whether you are a couple or single, the key is knowing what you actually want and why. If you’re not sure, wait. Find it because it’s right, not just because you have to tick it off a list. It’s not going to be great. And not everything’s for everyone.

**Fetlife website

Image from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/bobbiesteuart/shoes/?lp=true

Sheep turned wolf turned shepherd My story: how you know I’m not talking out of my ass.

This is the part of a book I always skip – the smug bio. Yet I cannot tell you the ultimate answer without taking you through a bit of my journey, so I will skip the boring bits and be sure to include lots of sex and useful advice for you.  Mercifully for you and I alike, this is far from the full story.
After a long overdue divorce from a monogamous marriage, I was set to explore my sexuality and tick off my fantasy bucket list. After dating a few guys (and a girl), I felt I’d like to try a threesome. It had always been an interest, and since I was a teenager, my favourite witty answer to the question ‘what is your favourite position?’ was always ‘In the middle’. I was way out in the sticks, overworked and with little free time or money (as has been much the way of my life until recently), so I perused the vanilla dating sites like plenty of fish and zoosk, without much luck. I managed to meet a few guys who were keen to try a threesome, or who had had a drunken unplanned one once, but were hoping to go about it properly. My forays took me further afield, to the likes of polyamory.com, where I probably received a larger flurry of dick pics than at any other point in my life, but finding a suitable female still seemed to evade me. Eventually, I struck up a long distance relationship with an old friend overseas, and removed myself from the world of internet dating (in those days, I believed in love and intimacy and monogamy). After a difficult and somewhat fiery and insecure time, engendered by isolation and communicating only by messenger for months at a time, we went our separate ways, and I returned to my original mission. It’s about to get interesting, I promise.
I was asked to a killing kittens party as a first date. I’d never heard of it, and was a little taken aback, but I considered it, researched it extensively, bought some new underwear and had myself all set for an adventure at an elite swingers party. In the end the guy bailed the day before, but I’d psyched myself up enough that I went on the forum and chose someone else to escort me, who actually turned out to be taller and better looking than the first one anyway. We met briefly for coffee at the station, me walking in in a sense of deep surrealism at the prospect of what was to come, high heels and cocktail dress on. He was classy, charming and good looking, and we chatted for fifteen minutes, I and this perfect stranger, before heading off to my first sex party together.
The venue was opulent- the top two floors of a hotel, sparkling clean chrome and marble, hot tub on the terrace, champagne at the bar. Everyone was dressed beautifully in designer suits and cocktail dresses. The theme of the night was ‘diamonds and pearls’. As we ascended the stairs, I found myself clinging to his arm of my protector, this complete stranger less than half an hour ago, as I entered a strange and unknown world of promise.
As we passed the first bedroom, a beautiful Eastern European lady, a dead ringer for a young Mila Kunis, was on all fours on the bed with a playmate, wearing nothing but a string of pearls around her neck, beautiful firm breasts and slim but shapely hips on display. She looked up with her enormous smokey eyes, and called me over to join her. I was a little bit in love. She pulled me in and kissed me, discarding her playmate and taking my companion’s cock in her hand, as she encouraged me to stroke her breasts and murmured to me in a delicious accident I couldn’t identify. She led a tactile, sensual exploration with us both, and took me under her wing for the night. We played sex dice. We played dare in the hot tub. We played spin the bottle. I drank more champagne through nerves than I would usually be able to stand up with, but as the night progressed I relaxed more and more, and joined in with a beautiful blond 18 year old girl who whispered to me that she had never orgasmed, and later an orgy with a foxy oriental girl. I only had sex with the man I came with. Suddenly, at 3am, the lights came on, and the party was over, much to my regret. My companion escorted me to the train station, where he waited with me for the early train, both of us soaked through from the rain. I never saw Mila Kunis again.
My companion started chatting to me about his life, his fears, his job, trouble with an old flame, a girl he fancied at work. It seemed like a strange sort of post coital intimacy – almost a counselling session. After I got home, I realised he had left his mask in my bag, a red and black Venetian affair that looked quite costly. I messaged him to thank him for the evening and ask if he wanted it back. My message was rejected. I never saw him again. This was the first of a few lessons I learned about the artificial intimacy that attending a sex party together can engender. I was a little surprised, but not heartbroken. I was, however, quite hooked on the luxury and freedom I had experienced, and was set to go to the very next one I could find.
Having been once, I set out to go to the next party as a single girl. The day beforehand, I received a message from a cute, petite brunette with creamy skin, and lovely soft natural breasts, saying it was her first and she would like someone to go in with. This would be my first foray into the ease with which two single girls can achieve an mff, as opposed to hunting with a male partner.
We entered the scene and slipped into the giant hot tub, talking and kissing, stroking each other’s skin. A lovely 21 year old called Steve came over and we said hello to him. It was his first party and he had been brought by friends, so he wasn’t in a couple. We casually enticed him to join us and began a lovely MFF threesome, in a circle facing each other in the hot tub. We kissed, he kissed her, while I kissed her nipple, his hand slid down my buttocks. It was a beautiful, calm and erotic meeting of equals. He had sex with both of us, while we caressed each other’s bodies. The firmness of his male body contrasted beautifully with the softness of her skin and curves, for a delicious sensation I would be forever hooked on. It was lovely. There was no drama. It was a sensuous, primal experience one could be lost in for days, all thoughts of daily life, responsibilities, anxieties, anaesthetised by pleasure. Steve thanked us and left the hot tub, all of us blissed out and smiling. I never saw him again.
Next we talked to a Brazilian couple. She had enormous breasts and a curvaceous figure, with adult braces on her teeth, that I found perversely arousing. I didn’t find her partner attractive (as is so often the case with couples, I’m afraid) but he was part of the deal, I was in a euphoric afterglow and I was ready for another hit of pleasure to resume the dreamlike state. The two of us joined the couple, me kissing the girl, moving down her neck from the sharp braces on her teeth, holding and squeezing her gigantic breasts as the floated and bounced in the delicious warm water of the hot tub, my petite new friend’s hands on me here and there, blurring the lines of who was doing what, as I melted into the ecstasy that comes with losing focus as multiple hands glide over your body. Her boyfriend entered me from behind, rousing me from my stupor of pleasure. He hadn’t asked to, but I hadn’t said not to, and perhaps it was expected? I flailed for something to say, caught out in the agony peculiar to the British, of trying very hard not to be rude. “Um… are you wearing a condom?” I said in the end. He was. Then I didn’t say anything else. In for a penny, in for a pound. It was odd being penetrated by a man I hadn’t chosen and wasn’t attracted to, but he wasn’t especially well endowed and I kind of decided to roll with it. We were struggling a little with the geometry of the foursome, the depth of the water and the other people at play around us, so we all decided to go to a ‘private cubicle’. These cubicles were like a sauna- tiny and claustrophobic, blisteringly hot and with just a narrow wooden bench running along one side. We resumed play, this time the Brazilian girl fingering me and my petite friend, but she was quite rough and unskilled. They were both quite rough, and after a few minutes I excused myself, saying I needed water, as the whole thing had become unpleasant. I abandoned my petite friend to them, which I do feel a bit bad about in hindsight, but I just needed out of the tiny sweltering room of clumsy hands. I went to the bar, my head rather aswim, and went to order a rum and coke.
There was a cute dark haired bartender, little beard and an accent I that I struck up a conversation with. He said I looked sad. I didn’t really know what to say, I was still processing. I mumbled something vague about just having a break. He was gay, Greek and eighteen years old, and he gave me a free drink and a passionate kiss to cheer me up. He also decided to give me some life advice, “You will find your Prince Charming, but it won’t be here.”
He was very right, and very wrong.
As I stood by the bar, a few different people said hello, and promptly asked to play. I told them all I was just having a break for the moment, and went over to the seating area, which was a bit cooler and seemed to be less of an action zone. I was approached by a funny little Egyptian man, completely bald and stark naked, except for a top hat. He wasn’t quite the ‘sexual elite’ I was expecting, but he seemed quite a character and we had a chat for a while. He was quite funny. He said he’d brought a beautiful red haired lady with him, ity was her first party and she liked to play with girls, but needed a bit of loosening up. Indeed, she was a fine thing to behold when she appeared, with long auburn hair and perfect milky skin, tall and beautifully proportioned, with a quiet, elegant grace to the way she moved and spoke. I rapidly turned seductress, and was on top of her on one of the sofas, again enjoying the evening, its unpredictable pleasures and adventures. We got quite a crowd of spectators with our little lesbian display, the blonde and the redhead. A guy came up behind me and stuck his finger inside me. I said go away, and resumed.
Shortly after I discovered I was being entered by the little man in the top hat. This really wasn’t what I had signed up to at all, but the British awkwardness at being rude was still there inside me, and after a couple of minutes I just made my excuses and left them to it together. By this point I was not feeling in the best of spirits, and I got dressed. A very attractive young couple were in the changing room doing the same. “Leaving too?” I asked them.
“Its gross, there’s condoms floating in the hot tub, I just can’t handle that,” the beautiful young man said, as he pulled on a quality white shirt over his lovely torso. For them, the spell was broken for a different reason.
I went out to the bar, and looked around. There was a dark blonde in a little black dress standing by herself, looking somewhat unhappy. Misery loves company, so I went to talk to her. She said she was a novelist, who had come for material. We chatted for a while, other girls joined us, and the mood lifted. It wasn’t sex, it was social, but intimate. A guy who looked a bit like Hugh Jackman asked us to join him for an after party at a hotel, there seemed to be a big group of beautiful people going, taxis were scattered around and somehow myself, the dark blonde novelist and a pretty brunette who worked in hospitality ended up in a rickshaw, being peddled down the winter streets, talking intimate things and intermittently kissing. “I miss my boyfriend”, I said.  And I did.
When we got to the hotel, the others had gone in, and we were left with Hugh Jackman, but the security at reception wouldn’t let us in, as they said the hotel was at capacity. We stood in the cold street, discussing what to do. A very drunk lost Australian in his late 20’s, with an incredibly expensive suit on, was hovering nearby. He had taken a taxi to the wrong hotel, and now hadn’t a clue how to get back, as he’d forgotten the name and didn’t know where he was. The hospitality girl miraculously figured it out, and helped him order a cab. When we turned around Hugh Jackman had gone, abandoning the three of us to sneak in to the after party alone. The girls gave each other a look, and the hospitality girl suggested we all come back with him to get him home safely. I’d no idea whereabouts in the city we actually were, but they told me it was pretty far out, and I didn’t really have the funds to shell out for a cab alone. But that’s an excuse. The truth is, the twisty strange night had left me feeling adrift, and I was just going wherever the current was leading.
We took the taxi together to what turned out to be an incredibly plush hotel, with an executive suite. The Australian reclined on the bed, and the three girls stood around the room, all delicately approaching the subject of what to do next. He was quite good looking, and there was a strange sexual energy in the air. I think it was me who asked if he’d ever had three girls at once. That night, he did. My first MFFF, although it mainly seemed to be foreplay in pairs and then swapping. He took a shine to hospitality girl, who he fondled all night when we had finished and snuggled up together in the king size bed to sleep, for the hour or so that was left of the night. The next morning I was feeling unsatisfied, and as he played with me I said I wanted a ride. I climbed atop his hard cock and rode him cowgirl until he came. He then went to shower, the novelist said she had to be at work and left, and I reclined on the bed with hospitality girl, giving her gentle kisses in our new shared intimacy. He came back out the shower. “Shit, where’s my watch?”
It turned out he had gone out the night before for drinks, wearing the £15,000 Submariner that his wife had given him. I certainly didn’t have it, I hadn’t noticed it on and I suggested maybe he’d lost it while drunk. He did a frantic search of the bedroom. Whether one of the other girls took it, I’ll never know. I left with hospitality girl, took her details and she saw me off with a lovely gentle kiss on the lips at the tube station. I messaged her the next day. She didn’t reply. I never saw her again.
On the train home, I was in a tired, hungover state, trying to decompress the night’s journey. I’d had four cocks inside me in one night. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. My previous record was one. Should I chalk that up as really successful? Did that make me a massive slut? Was it a great night, or should I feel violated? I hadn’t said no, but I certainly hadn’t wanted two of them. It was oddly dis-empowering. Why didn’t I have the self esteem to just stand up for myself and say no? I hadn’t been expecting it- I thought the men were supposed to wait to be invited. Perhaps that was naive. Or was I an easy target there by myself? Should I have told security? In the end I emailed the party company to explain what had happened. They apologised and offered me a free party, but I didn’t feel like going to one any more. Turns out I’d be back though, later on.
That’s far from the last time I’ve had the ‘slip in quietly’ tried on me. It is, however, most certainly the last time they got away with it. My ducklings, be warned. If you approach me at play, you’d better have been invited. Cross the stealth strategy right off your list as of now. If I want you to join me, I will ask you. Do not interrupt me at play and ask, you will be firmly told to go away. As for sliding an errant paw onto me, or worse yet coming up behind me with your cock in hand, a tongue lashing is the very least of what you can expect. I will have you ejected and banned from the venue, and have been known to give a good flogging as an alternative. Yet from that night, I never attended a party alone again. I make sure I’m with someone who’s got my back. And I have theirs. So when you see the unicorns at a party, and they seem kind of bad ass, now you know why. Our soft clay has been baked in the heat of experience. We have become hard like diamonds, through necessity.
Let’s not dwell on this though, we all live and learn. And, as I said, I would be back. Let’s skip to the good bit.

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I got back with my overseas boyfriend, who was also mercifully always a bit of a sexual deviant like myself. I changed my profile from single girl to only seeking single girls, with an aspiration that we might find a playmate while he visited. My messages dropped from 10 a day to none. I was a little puzzled by this, but that was before I knew how it worked. My attempts to find a unicorn came to nought.
Later, we went our separate ways again, on better terms this time, and after a brief and awful foray into the world of vanilla dating (where I got ditched by a guy after he failed to get it up), I was keen to re-establish my sexual prowess. I didn’t want to go the the parties alone, however, so I set out to find a suitable party partner to watch my back.
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Single guys, single guys…..I scroll the profiles, look for someone who can spell, that I can wear my heels with, who probably isn’t a creep……………….
The profile write up was cute. Straight forward. The profile pictures were a bit naff, wasn’t sure how he’d look in person. But nice and tall, which is rare for me as I put my party heels on and I’m 6’2. I strike up a text chat. He’s a newbie to the scene, looking for guidance. I’ve been before. I’m looking for backup, and a chance to regain some of the sexual liberation and attractiveness I’d felt before. I offer to be his guide. We briefly video chat, and he’s cuter than I’d thought. My phone rings and I have to curtail it. He sends me his phone number and the next day I message to say hi.
‘Who’s this?’
‘Do you give your number to a lot of people?’
‘Actually, today yes, I was at a reunion’
I send this:

i-heard-youre-a-player-nice-to-meet-you-im-the-coach-quote-1

He laughs. He knows who it is now. We keep up this light and friendly banter by text throughout our time together. Almost throughout. Me in the role of mentor, he in the role of enthusiastic protege. It was a fun game.  Largely bullshit, but fun nonetheless.
I meet him for sushi. He’s charming in person; calm, balanced, intellectual. Knows all the right things to say, with an affable schoolboy innocence and a kind of lightness of demeanour usually reserved for those who have had an easy life. He doesn’t seem to be aware that his is a rare combination. The conversation is easy, fun, relaxed. He asks to kiss me outside and as he does so I break into an uncharacteristic blush, which he notices. I agree to go back to his place for a ‘trial run’ before the first party. I’m nervous, but he’s playful. The sex is amazing. But as he approaches orgasm, whenever he starts to come close, he throws himself away from me. I’ve never known another person to do that. Not in the literal sense anyway.
I straddle him and he comes hard. I’m hot and steamy now. I say that this is why parties are good, because when you wear out one man, you can have another. He says he can’t do that. I say I want to try. He is astounded to find that he can. “That’s not happened in years.”

We have sex in the shower, with me on tiptoe. He massages my back afterwards. I head off, a little giddy and happy as hell. I’m due to meet a couple for a party that night.
My couple are lovely. She, a beautiful curvaceous brunette, her husband an incredibly sweet man who clearly adored her. We drank wine and met with another single female who was a friend of theirs. She wasn’t really single, and wasn’t a unicorn as such- she was more of a ‘hotwife’. We have a lovely dinner and the couple pay for my dinner and wine (I’m a little tipsy by now) and my entry and membership to the venue. It’s a new venue to me, and I’m struck by how different it is to what I expected. The place is nearly empty, with a middle aged transvestite in a rubber maid’s uniform and heels strolling around. It looks like a youth club, that has been filled with every imaginable sex and kink toy. I’m rendered impotent by the alien nature of the place to me. Even when the female of my lovely couple sashays up to me, in just a bra and thong, sultry, seductive eyes burning into me, I can’t do a thing. I’m just not in the zone. She frolics about with her friend a little, and the husband gently talks to me, saying he’s happy for something to happen as a three too, but he takes a back seat as his wife likes to do the hunting. There is a sadness in his eyes, and this is something I have gradually come to notice with couples. In more cases than not, there is one who is more into it than the other. One likes to hunt, the other likes to please their partner. It’s not always in the gender roles you would expect, either. When it is the woman who is faking enjoyment, I can tell. I don’t care how much she screams and writhes about, if your nipples are soft and you are dry and tight, you are just a big phoney, and it feels like I’m raping you. I don’t like it.
In the end, I don’t do anything with them, though I do stay in touch and hope to see them again. It’s still not happened, but it was certainly my intention. Of the two new things I’d encountered that day, the place and the man, I could not have been more wrong in my initial assessment. The funny little sex-toy youth club has become a favourite haunt of mine- a home away from home, where I have excellent frolics with the unicorns in my life. Yet the man is dust.
But that is all a year or more away, so we will talk about my first party as a guide to the world of swing. It’s a good one. There’s lots of sex.
*************************************************************************
We don our masks; myself in a sparkly gold one, he in the one left in my bag from my first ever party night. It seems fitting, somehow. He scrubs up nicely. I’ve ‘groomed’ (for want of a better word) a few attractive couples online, who are also attending the party. It’s a good show. Everyone looks amazing. That strange, first party intimacy descends on us and my protege kisses me passionately in the corridor. We meet the couples and chat. We end up having a foursome tucked away in a corner at the end of the evening, the thrill of being caught adding to the excitement. He reveals he isn’t quite new to the arts of seduction: he used to be a pro. But the swing scene is different- the rules are different – and he wanted a guide. We discussed strategies in the lead up and throughout. We end up going back with one of the couples to their apartment- exquisite and high above the city, floor to ceiling glass walls. We start making out in the kitchen, and ask them to join us. She starts putting some washing in, and they have a small domestic row about household chores, oblivious to us on the kitchen counter, me perched on the marble top and him standing before me, cock inside me, as I quietly whisper in his ear “I don’t think this is normally how it’s supposed to go.”
Eventually the couple settles, and we all play on the couch, her riding her partner, hand on my partner’s cock, him unsure if he’s supposed to touch her or not. I’ve left a puddle on the counter top and floor from our earlier frolics. The male half of the other couple finishes, and they resume light arguing. We make our excuses and leave. I didn’t clean up my puddle. I hope they didn’t slip over.
We get back and debrief. We talk strategy. Despite the weirdness of the night, he liked it. I leave the mask on his bed, like a trophy. I don’t expect to hear from him again. The next day, I get a message. He wants to do more parties. He wants to set up threesomes together. It looks like I have a new partner in crime. I see him again soon after, and I feel like he’d be quite easy to get rather fond of. I say so, by text. He says ‘That’s cute’.

I back off.
***********************************************************************
From that point I had a new partner in crime. Yet there always seemed to be some sort of drama with a ‘crazy female’ getting doe-eyed on him and then causing chaos, one after another. I tried to tolerate it, but it was damn inconvenient. We worked on scoring a private threesome. I quickly learned that, despite his charm and knowledge, he was absolutely awful at identifying a suitable target. He would show them to me, and I’d give feedback. “She’s looking for a boyfriend. See the text in the profile? She keeps using words like ‘intense’ and ‘passionate’. She’s not going to be a good target, there will be drama. See this one? She says she’s slightly bi-curious. You know what that means? It means its bullshit and she’s just saying it to sound hot, and like she might be a suitable partner for you”.
He never listened, so we had drama after drama, spare F after spare F cancel on us. Meanwhile we both tried to hone our skills and up our game, bouncing ideas off each other and freewheeling through a journey of exploration, always trying to find the common denominator, the perfect equation that adds up to three. We achieved one threesome. There was immediately drama from the spare F. I’d taken the approach of downgrading my involvement to a casual kinky friend – I even described myself to her as ‘I’m like his mum’. But the next morning she flipped out and ran away, saying “I don’t care what you call this, this is a relationship!”
I’d been text chatting to another guy on my phone while he lay in bed watching football. To this day I’m not sure what it was that upset her, but to the extent she was upset, I am sorry. I’ve learned to value the girls now a lot more than the men. It never was officially a relationship. Though we were fond of each other, I think, it was always just a game of cat and mouse. When one stepped forward the other would step back. It worked only when it was light as a feather.
We decided to take charge of things, and step up once again, by arranging our own parties. The first was just 3 couples in a restaurant, followed by a hotel room. The girls were beautiful, the boys were delightful. We discussed strategy throughout the night to seduce them all, and get them upstairs. Our clandestine planning was the main part of the fun, and it is easy to see why couples enjoy it when they go hunting. But you must, must, keep it under wraps.  Nobody enjoys feeling manipulated, however Machiavellian you consider yourselves to be.
We held a bigger party, which went okay, and we achieved his first full orgy, which was one of the goals. I made crudites and cocktails, we set up a chat group for it to let the guests bond before meeting, and pretty much spent a month full time planning, organising and guiding the chat. The next morning, I sat in the bath with him behind me, while he washed my hair. To date, it is one of the most sensuous experiences of my life.
Our next goal was to ‘pick up a girl in a bar together’ – that old chestnut. Being aware of the spectacularly poor odds for this actually working, I took a two pronged approach. Firstly, I seeded every forum and contact I had made, asking if the ‘rumour’ that there was a swinger get together at the planned bar was true, hoping to spot some like minded souls at this vanilla venue, without actually promising anything. It didn’t work as well as I’d hoped, but in theory it still could. My second prong was to chat up a single girl with experience on the scene, and get her to meet us at another bar afterwards. This actually did work, but not in the way I expected.
We sat having cocktails, awaiting her arrival. She had messaged me to ask if she could bring some friends. ‘The more the merrier,’ I said.

She showed up with perhaps fifteen people, including two attractive single girls. One was a European blonde, who she was all over, and she had 2 guys she kept with her through the night, who were all over the both of them. I had unwittingly invited a ‘queen bee’.
Queen bees are a common phenomenon on the scene, and I find them tiresome on the whole. They generally do a fair amount of cocaine, and the buzz they get is from being the alpha female, controlling everything (especially the other women) and basically establishing their dominance socially. They do not make a good spare F, unless the primary female is really ready to relinquish any element of control. Furthermore, in this case, she had brought a pack with her, and showed little to no interest in us all night, nor to the other single girl she’d brought, who had in fact asked her if she could bring a friend along and been told no! Fate has funny twists and turns though. My partner in crime and I seduced this other girl, with him leading the way and me giving her passionate kisses during the night, and, as expected, downplaying my involvement. We went back to her place. As well as giving the best blow job I have seen in my life, she was actually a pretty amazing person. She was smart, and funny, with an impressive air about her that I hadn’t noticed earlier. She was also highly organised and knowledgeable. We had a threesome in the shower, and her skills with women were excellent. A while later, we decided to do another party- a bigger one- and I suggested we get her on board. It turned out to be an amazing decision. Our little sexual threesome had turned into a cerebral and organisational one, and our new female was astounding at it. I think most of the twenty five attendees were thoroughly in love with her before they ever met her at the party, as she led the kik chat with a sexy, naughty streak that was both hilarious and endearing. She came across like a little 1950s housewife nympho by text, and everyone was absolutely addicted to her. We have played together many times since, and her friendship has far outlived that of the male in our party triad. She became my first, and lasting female friend on the scene, and for that I can never thank her enough.
One thing led to another, and one night I woke up and looked across from me at the sleeping face of my male partner. It was absolutely beautiful. “Shit,” I said to myself, knowing it was the beginning of the end.
The mask I had given him at the first party had been used a few times. One night it rained heavily and the mask broke. “That’s a bad omen,” he said. He was right.
He pulled away, I tried to pull closer. It’s an age old story. He cut me off in my hour of need, I had no-one to turn to but my new female friend. Fortunately, it seems to happen that once you find one friend, its easier to find another. And just at the point it seemed I had lost my partner in crime, he was replaced with a rainbow of unicorns. Single girls on the scene who were genuine, and cared about each other. Who looked out for each other. We went to parties together. We shared our knowledge. Whenever a new guy would pop up, the girls would instantly check with each other if anyone knew anything about them.
-Married and cheating
-Doesn’t look like his picture
-Gets too drunk
-Never shows up
-Yeah, that one is okay
And so it goes on. We became more than a herd of gazelles facing out to the predators. We became a hive mind of facts. We became in control of the events we attended. We agreed our own rules. And we made good use of the reason this blog doesn’t need to cover finding MFF as a female- you just grab another unicorn and take your pick of the men. I’ve yet to be told no by any. A strong female to female bond, although it might not be romantic, is enough of a connection for nobody to be the spare F in a threesome. If anything, the guy becomes the sex object. There are a hundred stories I could tell about the fun with the unicorns and the vast amount more I have learnt with them than I ever did before. Yet we are not unconquerable.
Your typical unicorn (perhaps myself excluded), believes in love. She thinks of it as try before you buy. She believes that one day, she will meet a guy on the scene, have great sex, and start a relationship with him, where she will move from being the secondary, to the primary F. Single males on the scene are oblivious to this. They come for casual sex, and when they want a girlfriend, they will leave and find a vanilla, existing on the spank bank of their memories for their sexual excitement. Because, for the male mind, it seems we are tragically forced to be one or the other- the hot sex, or the good wife. Whereas all women are really both.
So why are the unicorns doing what they do? If they want a boyfriend why don’t they just go vanilla and put it all behind them? Because we are who we are. We are what we have become. If our journey doesn’t change us we were never an explorer, merely a tourist. We have spent from months to decades, doing what we do. And we can’t put away half our personality, discard our friends, regain our innocence and un-break our hearts, to pretend to be somebody else. We want it all. We are exquisitely beautiful, to those who know how to see us, carved through our experience the way a diamond in the rough can be cut without shattering, to become a glittering gem.
When people on the scene ask me what I’m looking for now, I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know how to phrase it in any way they are going to understand.   I feel like an ethnographer, gone native.  I am looking to continue as I am without being forced to change. I am looking to expand my adventures further. I am looking for someone I can learn from. We all look for someone we can admire and adore, and that is a rare thing for us unicorns to find.
My love for the unicorns, their passion, bravery and support, their open mindedness, kindness and intelligence, is what inspired me to write this blog. They deserve better than the way they are treated – hunted, discarded and used. They are some of the most impressive, independent women I have ever met. They are my first true love, my relationship, my solace and my companions.
For we are the lost, and the found. We are the triumphant in defeat. We stand alone, yet together. You cannot hope to comprehend our motives for what we do. But unless you can fill our needs, as we see them, we will walk away from you. We are the educated, the sexual, the id and the cerebral. We are anything but a naive plaything to prop up your ego and grant your simple sexual desires. We are the empowered, yet spend our lives grasping for meaning and identity. We are denied love. Yet we are not different from you- we are the same as your primary female, in essence, though our stories may be more filled with more twists. We are Lazarus, returned from the dead. You will not hurt us, you will only insult us, or amuse us. When we are together, we are a powerful army of collective knowledge and experience, that you cannot hope to replicate as a couple. What we want from you, is your respect. We want to be treated as a complete person, not a reductive archetype. We want to be seen as your equals.

Happy hunting, my ducklings xxx

I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach. Picture Quote #1

The silver bullet: How to fool a unicorn

I’ve talked about insights into the unicorn mind.  I’ve given little tips, I’ve quoted some general strategy.  Here is where I tell you how to take down the hard to capture unicorn. Executed correctly, it is ruthlessly effective.  It is also, in its whole, though not necessarily its parts, very dishonest.  This is the strategy for the couple who are all about the hunt. For whom the intellectual and primal challenge are the motivator, rather than necessarily the end product.  It is completely unethical in its construction, yet if done right, everyone goes away happier than any other strategy I know of.  Sorry, my unicorns, here is where I expose your Achilles’ heel.

Why would I do this?  There are a few reasons.  I’ve set out to teach you what I know, and I know this works.  It is also already a strategy that is widely used, yet poorly pulled off. If you do it wrong, you will do people damage.  So rather than have you blunder into it, I will tell you how to do it right.  If we base ethics on outcomes, rather than actions, it is a virtuous strategy.  I’ve had it tried on me many times, but poorly done.  Done right, it will take down anything from a novice to an experienced and wary unicorn.  Even me.  There is another reason; I’m not always a very nice person.  Not any more.

Let’s get evil.

To do this effectively, here is what you need:

You and your partner must be a relatively attractive heterosexual couple, who are both intent on this goal.

You and your partner must trust each other completely, and have a relationship in which your connection is not based primarily on sexual monogamy.  This is important.  If you think you can work around this step, it will all go disastrously wrong.

You need to temporarily hide your couples account and presence online.

You will need to make separate online accounts as singles.  Feel free to block the single males from messaging, and even couples.  They are not your targets.  This is a focused hunt.

In your online profiles, you will have attractive pictures and you will need to cultivate some friends, verifications, etc. depending on the platform you are using, so you appear genuine and legit.  This isn’t all that hard to do.  You can even verify each other, yet you will need at least a few others to disguise this or you will rapidly be found out.

In your profile, talk about how you are looking to find someone to explore with and your interest in finding MFF.  Say you are not after a one nighter, nor a relationship.  Say you are looking for a partner in crime.  Extol your personal virtues as you usually would.

Together, identify targets you both agree on.

Separately, message the same targets.  Try to stagger it a bit.  Talk to them and get to find out their situation, level of experience and what they are looking for.  Key phrases that are useful to the male in finding a target are ‘single’, ‘looking for fun’, ‘bisexual’ and anything showing a wish to explore, an adventurous side or an indication that they might enjoy an intellectual challenge or the role of the predator, rather than prey.  You are seeking the somewhat disillusioned yet hopeful.  The single girl who is still on a sex site, yet gives a slight hint she might want something more.  Red flags to avoid are ‘passion’, ‘intense’, or any hint that she is trying to set up a specific fantasy for herself or a relationship. You are not going to become their boyfriend.  You do not want drama. This is more important than how they look.

The woman of the couple is going to take a slightly different approach.  She is looking for a girl who is a little lonely or lost.  Someone without a wide circle of friends on the scene. From the perspective of your female partner, the main thing she has to avoid is time-wasters and girls who are doing the same thing.  If a target talks fairly quickly about having a threesome with a guy- she thinks she knows someone- cross her off your list. She’s trying to use the silver bullet on your girlfriend.  There are a lot of these- perhaps 50% of the ‘single’ girls who will chat to her, maybe more.  Girls who say they haven’t met yet, are shy, or just want to send loads of nudes are mainly fantasists who will never meet her.

Share what you learn about your targets with your partner and discuss extensively.  You are a team, right?  That’s the fun, right?

After chatting for a couple of days, arrange a meet.  NOT both of you.  Give no hint that there is a partner in the background.  You both just say you have a few casual playmates, that you are looking for someone to explore with.  Whoever is having the best luck with her arranges a meet.  Go somewhere nice for a coffee or a drink.  Make eye contact, smile, just be friendly.  No sex.  This is about bonding.  After you’ve met, say she seemed really fun and different, and that you’d like to meet again.  Try to arrange for about a week later.

At the second meeting, you go into what you are looking for sexually more.  You flirt more.  You may or may not have sex at the end of this date, depending on how it goes and the circumstances.  You and your partner must be incomplete agreement that this is allowed.  Have another date if you need to afterwards.  The more the better, to a certain extent.   When you talk, make yourself sound like a sexual explorer looking for a companion.  Looking to be a team.  Talk about how you are just setting out on this journey of exploration, and you need people in your life who will help you accomplish your goals, not hold you back. When you have sex, make it passionate and make it good. Focus on her needs.  At this point you have bonded adequately to go to the next step.  If it is your partner who has the sex, do not be resentful or distrusting.  They are doing the work you have agreed on to achieve your mutual goal.  If you try to skip this step, it will not work.

Now, you ramp up the threesome aspect with your unicorn, who will believe she is a) your female primary, if you are the man, or b) your close affectionate sexy female friend, if you are the woman.  Talk about how great it was and how you really want to do this together.  Now comes the beauty of the ruse- you make her hunt your partner.  Talk about how fun it would be to do together.  Ask her advice and opinions on how to find somebody.  Ask her for her suggestions.  At no point is she to know she is not the driving force in making this happen.  By this point she will be set on impressing you with her skills and abilities in satisfying your threesome goal.  After turning down her suggestions (gently, possibly after talking to them and saying you didn’t feel the vibe, she was so much sexier than any of them, etc.) introduce a little list of your own for her to consider. Pick a card, any card.  But you are going to force her to choose the one you want.  This requires time, patience, and delicate footwork.  Perhaps the others are less attractive in their pictures.  Or maybe one she takes a shine to is away for the next few months.  You are going to be very careful in your description of your actual partner.

If you are the man, you are going to describe your partner as an old friend that you hardly ever see who is a good laugh.  More like a sister, but she’s a bit of a wild one and she’s in town for the next couple of months.  If you are the female, you are going to describe your partner as a hot guy you know- not boyfriend material but mellow and fun and always up for some sex.

By playing down the dynamic while extolling their suitability for the role of unicorn/male sex toy in your threesome, they become less of a threat to the bonding the unicorn perceives they have with you.  You need to tread so softly- force too hard and the game is up.  Next you give them all the power.  Give them your partner’s details and say as you know them you don’t feel right in asking.  Could your unicorn chat to them and see if they got on?  Maybe suggest the threesome if they like each other?  You are SURE they will fancy the unicorn- who wouldn’t?  You are now operating as two singles chatting up the same unicorn.  As far as the unicorn knows, she is entirely in the driving seat.  You can toy with her and make her work to convince you both to do it!  To an extent, the more you play hard to get the more she will push to make it happen- her self esteem and her sexual prowess are at stake.  She doesn’t want to let you down.  She wants to prove she can do this.  She will enjoy the thrill of the hunt as much as you do.

When the three of you meet, remember to play down your connection to each other.  Let the unicorn be in charge, and never make her feel left out.  You and your partner secretly know you have pulled this off together by stealth, but she never will.  Everyone goes home feeling powerful and clever.  You never have sex solo with your unicorn again, but the three of you may be able to meet again.  At this point, especially if the unicorn seems to be getting to like you, it is time to manage her involvement, unless you plan on becoming a poly triad (which can work, but that’s a whole different game.  Your triad is based on dishonesty, which you won’t be able to hide forever).  Perhaps you are called away to work overseas, or you decide you want to try a gay threesome, or something on your journey she can’t be a part of.  She will be disappointed, if she has become attached, but she won’t feel bad about it.  They key is to nip it in the bud at the appropriate time, and that is not something I can tell you how or when to do to avoid drama.  Earlier rather than later is best- don’t let a sense of awkwardness or not wanting to hurt her feelings make it worse for her later.  You owe her that much at least.

She may not become attached at all.  Most people don’t, especially if you have managed her expectations throughout, without relying on that old fallback of romance and getting her daydreaming to achieve your goal.  If you mess this part up, don’t blame me.  The execution is all your doing.  You want her to trust you and to have a threesome with you, not start to fall in love with either of you.  If you resort to those tactics, whether male or female, you are being a dick.  Ideally, you want this to be a part of her journey, which she sees herself moving on and developing from, without either of you.  If you have manipulated her in the right way throughout, she will exit as smoothly as she entered. She will view herself as a hunter- a skilled, sexy woman who has achieved her goal. Only you and your partner know differently.  This is a bonding secret the two of you must take to the grave.  Say what you like about love and sex, there is no intimacy like a shared dark secret.  Especially not monogamy.

Congratulations, you are both now terrifyingly effective predators.

Image by http://jasper-19.deviantart.com/art/Captured-Unicorn-348618317

The Unicorn and the Red Bull

Source: Urban Dictionary: Old Bull

There is a cartoon from the 80’s, known as ‘The Last Unicorn’, which, to watch it now, seems like a strange hybrid of Manga, My Little Pony and New Romantic aestheticism.
In this tale, the unicorns have been chased into the sea by the ‘Red Bull’ (spoiler alert), leaving just one, who sets out to find them.  In the process, she is ‘cursed’ to become a human woman to hide from the bull, where she falls in love, and has to choose between a mortal life with love, and the magical life of a unicorn, without.  She can live as a unicorn, as long as she is not alone- as long as she has the other unicorns by her side.  In a sense, this blog series was already written in 1982.
The parallels and metaphors of the Red Bull are so obvious, that little explanation is needed. If you rush things; if you make your lust for sex a thing that is to be feared, that is not controllable, your unicorns will flee from you.  Be like the old bull, not like the Red Bull. Take your time.  Build their trust.  Walk down the hill slowly, and fuck them all.

Nothing but the horn: Unicorn stereotyping

Everyone’s guilty of making assumptions at some time….judgement is human nature, it’s a survival tactic…so you can’t be too hard on people about it…just put them right when they make an assumption of you, if you care enough to…mostly I don’t care enough about other people’s opinions of me…the time I care is when I actually care about the person making the assumption.

Miss Genie, 30’s, sexually liberated woman

 

As humans, we rely on our ability to spot patterns and use them to interpret the world around us.  The more we are exposed to a certain collection of information, the more our brains are able to find this pattern and give meaning to it, from the face of Jesus on our toast, to shapes in clouds, to the interpretation of what other people think and feel from a small series of cues.  Our minds learn to block out the anomalies- the pieces of data which don’t fit the patterns we are used to, so that we can rapidly process and forget that which is not useful to us and our survival.  The inability to block and filter this constant flow is what leads to difficulties for people on the autistic spectrum.  The over-reliance on blocking and filtering is what leads to bigotry, stereotyping and closed-mindedness.

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, not cock and ball torture, in this case) is a technique which attempts to re-programme our responses to cues, by examining other routes the information could take in our minds, to lead to a happier state of being.  For example, if you see two girls look at you and giggle to each other, what do you assume?  If you have a series of negative experiences and associations, or low self esteem, you may think they are laughing at how your ears stick out.  A different person might assume they were checking you out, and making suggestive comments to each other as they found you attractive.  Same cues, different interpretation.

The more you are exposed to sets of information as a pattern and their associations, the more entrenched your responses become.  With regard to threesomes, unicorns and bisexual females, unfortunately for the novice, your prior information set for pattern recognition and response is likely to be largely limited to erotic fiction and pornography. This is about as useful to you in the real world as Game of Thrones is to your understanding of historical events.  It is fiction.  It is simplified, reductive, and designed to elicit a response in you that will guarantee the highest likelihood of your continued consumption of the material produced.  It is aimed at the reward centres in your brain. It is a non-pharmaceutical drug, hooking you on your own biochemistry to create a mild addiction. If you want to up your game, to hit those same reward centres in real life, you need to be aware that your understanding so far is not entirely on target.

It is not entirely your fault.  Through an age old patriarchal society’s rules, your exposure to the real thing is limited.  It is secret, mysterious, forbidden.  Participants are fetishized. Yet is the fetishistic nature in your own mind that holds the key to both your pleasure by partaking, and your fall-flat mistakes in obtaining your goal.  I am going to tell you a list of things that are simply untrue.  Sorry to burst your bubble.

  1. Unicorns are more highly sexual than anyone else.  They are always at it, because they just love sex.  It’s what they are all about.
  2. Bisexual women always have sex with all the other bisexual women they know
  3. Bisexual women have sex with other bisexual friends whenever they see each other.  Most of the time, anyway.
  4. Whenever bisexual women get together, whatever the event, there is always some element of sex involved somewhere.  If not, they are thinking about it.
  5. Bisexual women are all up for MFF – it’s the best of both world’s right?
  6. Bisexual women should be flattered you have approached them for MFF.  It’s two for one?  What’s not to like?  They said they are bisexual?
  7. Unicorns like to be treated like a sex object.  They all always enjoy the attention of both of you at once.  They enjoy being hunted down.
  8. Unicorns are so busy with their sexual freedoms, they are just having sex all the time.  They consider this their main identity and don’t need or want to be considered as anything other than their sexual self.  That would bore them and turn them off.
  9. All single girls with bisexual tendencies or curiosities will enjoy an MFF
  10. All bisexual girls who enjoy MFF should be happy to partake in one with couples
  11. All unicorns who enjoy MFF with couples enjoy being the passive party in the selection, arrangements and event
  12. Unicorns are just slags.  If they weren’t happy to be considered sex objects, they would just go get a boyfriend.  They would never make girlfriend material, and they would certainly never want to be.
  13. A bisexual woman could never be satisfied with just one person in a relationship. They have to be unicorns, as they are so sexually charged that they would cheat on anyone, of either gender.
  14. There’s a strategy you can use that will work on all unicorns, infallibly.  They all want the same thing so the same rules apply

Doesn’t sound much like the depictions you’ve seen in porn and the wider media, does it? The truth is that unicorns in general see themselves and the things they do, not as a fixed identity, but as a part of their personal journey.  A path they explore, trying to understand themselves, life, relationships and in some cases work through previous hurts or anaesthetise themselves to that which they don’t want to feel.  If one has sex with you, you may well not hear from her again.  Yes, my baby ducklings, sometimes it is the unicorn who is using you.  There are always exceptions.  There are a million different stories and motivations, and every path is different.  If you want to catch a unicorn, you do not need to be a hunter.  You need to be a unicorn whisperer.

Unicorn interviews: 2

Miss T, 30, young flirtatious deviant on the scene for 2 years, party organiser for 1 year

Please tell me about how one of your early MFF threesomes came to happen?

Well, I was out with a girl I met at my hostel and we went to get a drink.  We found a bar and we are facing the marina, and two cute boys passed and they ended up coming into the same bar.  We giggled a while and then went to chat to them (I initiated) and we all went to the next bar.  We ended up dancing and I was getting along with the cute one of the two really well.  As the night progressed, my friend came up and asked me if she could join us tonight.  I was like, ‘okay, sure,’ not really thinking much of it.

All four of us ended up heading back to their hotel room  His mate was getting annoying trying to get in on the action, so when we got back to the hotel we asked the cute one to get rid of his mate, as we wanted to spoil him with a threesome.

How did you feel about it during and after?

Kind of annoyed that the other girl was there as she wasn’t into the full experience as much as I was, and I wanted the guy to myself.

How do you feel it should have gone?

To be honest I’m not sure; I just thought if she asked to be involved then she would have been more into it, rather than just him really.

How to you feel:

a) hunting a guy with another girl

b) being the unicorn for a couple, or

c) being the female in a couple and picking up another girl

compare?  Which do you prefer, and why?

Hmm.  A for sure. Then you have the control rather than being the meat that’s being chased, or the bait to lure someone else in.

How do you feel about couples who contact you as a potential playmate?

Like a play toy.  Like you are just there to satisfy them and they don’t really care about your needs.  It’s rare to find a couple that either want to please you, or…actually give a shit about what you want to get out of it.

What techniques have you used that worked best to find a single girl to share with a male partner or playmate?

Hmm. I never found a female to play with anyone.  The only female, I got friendly with, and we ended up good friends instead!

What advice would you give to a couple looking to pick up a single girl?

In terms of advice, they need to consider the unicorn’s wants and needs and how they can satisfy her first before their needs.

How do you feel your experiences have changed you from when you first started?

I went in blind when I first played with a couple.  Now I’m more wary and will stand my ground with what I want.

Do you think single men and couples see the scene differently to single girls?

Yes, definitely.  They see it more as shopping.

How do you feel about other single girls on the scene?

Good luck to them! Hahahaha.  Happy to be friends with them and give them advice where I can, and team up where I can to turn the tables – give us the advantage.

Any final words of wisdom for couples or single guys hoping to score their first mff?

Words of wisdom, hey? Hmm.  Treat the girls with some decency and respect, and perhaps you’ll get some in return.

 

Unicorn Interviews: 1

Interview with Miss Paradise, 32, open-minded female

 

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?

 

I don’t know what to call myself. I’m very open, I’m a slow burner as well.  I know what I like when I like it, so it could be anything, it could be dominating men, it could be playing with girls, playing with couples, a single guy, it could be having a playmate which is what I’ve got now.  I’ve been playing with someone for over a year.

 

Do you guys pick up single girls together or do you just play together with your playmate?

 

Um, he is open to that but he doesn’t come out -he’s not on any scene, but he’s open. He knows that I dominate, he knows I play with girls, he knows that I’m out on the scene,  but that’s not his priority at the moment. He’s open for me to bring girls back if he wants, but we haven’t done it. We’re exploring and I’ve opened him up to BDSM, so me and him are connecting on that level at the moment.  I don’t know, I have been a unicorn. I was a unicorn when I first came on the scene, because I felt like I was getting the best of both worlds, as getting male and a female and I can also come away from it-  I wasn’t going to get any emotional bullshit attached to that because they’ve got their thing, so I can go in and I can play – we can all sort of play and use each other and I can walk away and it’s just left there. So yeah, I played with a few couples in the past was which I’ve enjoyed.  In fact some of my best experiences have been with couples and the dynamics of that have been different.

 

What would make you choose a couple, because obviously there’s a lot of couples who are seeking a unicorn?

 

The female for me has to be into women properly – not just doing it please your partner or ‘I’m straight but I do it, it’s for fun.’’ It has to feel organic, because that puts me off if I don’t get that feeling, because then it just makes it more intense.  Puts me off if the female just doing it to please the husband ‘cause then it becomes all about him and not about the three of us. I like when the male takes a step back and appreciates the two girls together and he’s quite respectful about it- it’s not like I said before, it’s not all about him.  It’s quite an equal dynamic, but I’ve had threesomes which have totally not worked. I actually fell asleep! Funny story – I was 20 I think. I was 20, 21; I was swinging then. Like, sleeping around and swapping partners and things, and I was seeing a guy on and off and we were very sexual- that’s all it was and then then there was a girl that I started having a bit of a thing with. And me and her went out one night and we bumped into this guy and he invited us back to his house. I got a feeling that he was more into her than me, so they were getting it on and I could just see it and feel the vibes, so I just kind of…. we’d  been smoking weed and stuff as well, but I just kind of sloped off and fell asleep on the side of the bed. They’re trying to nudge me, but I just wasn’t having any of it.  So eventually, after a few more times of those two hooking up, they ended up seeing each other for about 8 or 9 months or something like that. So that was it that wasn’t a great dynamic. I kind of got pushed out so I fell asleep. I’ll always remember that because he always mentions it.  Fell asleep- sorry.

 

It just panned out that way.  But then there was another dynamic with the same guy, who was with an ex-girlfriend.  Me and her were in the pub together and he came to pick me up and me and her were kissing he was like “oh that’s how it is is it?”

 

So we went back to his and he wasn’t interested in her, he was interested in seeing me and her together and then he wanted to sleep with me, but she was more interested in him than me, so it was a bit of a strange dynamic.  That didn’t feel right- it was a bit strange.  Because I remember getting up- we’d made a sort of bed in the front room and I remember getting up to get some water or go to the toilet.  I came back, and she was sort of trying to give him a blowjob or something. I could tell it wasn’t quite there. As soon as I came by he was on me, and then she was kind of ‘Oh I wasn’t interested in you, I want him,’ so that was a strange dynamic.

 

Have you had many times when  a couple has approached you together?

 

I’ve had that a lot at KK, because I’m all over the forum.  I get couples a lot, because I’ve actually put on my profile, ‘Interested in everybody’.  Any request will be considered really. So, a lot.  I do get them, but most of the time I find when they kik me it’s mainly the man rather than the girl. So he’s the driving force and he’s picking who he wants for those two, rather than it being the female – which I don’t think is a bad thing, because generally it’s either one or the other that instigates it. At a KK a party I’ve been approached by couples and I’ve had fun with couples before. In fact I went back with a couple- I went to a couple’s penthouse party and I was approached by the female and he was there-  he watched us and then they invited me back and I ended up staying with them and we all ended up playing. I was the centre of attention actually -they were both pleasuring me, which is quite nice. It was kind of all about me- I was at the centre.  I’ve never experienced that before. Then the female; she was like, II am tired now, I’m going to go to sleep,’ and I was I was in bed with in the middle of them and me and him- he was like, cuddling me. So me and him end up going the front room and playing together without her, which I felt a bit bad about but I thought, ‘Well we’ve all come back together,’ and then I ended up staying the next day.  We ended up eating pizza in bed and listening to music- it was really bizarre. I’ve never done that before, but at least there was this three-way kind of intense thing that we had for a couple of days. I’ve stayed friends with her but not with him, because he kept on trying to meet me on on it on his own and I said, ‘Well I’m going to not come to meet you, I’m coming to meet a couple,’ and I messaged her to let her know. I just said, ‘Look, he’s trying to meet me,’ because I’m-  I am a girl’s girl, I take the girls side more than the guy’s, even if the girl’s is a little bit in the wrong,  it’s still…. I’m more of a girl’s girl –  so.  She didn’t know that he was doing that- he didn’t tell her. But yeah, I’ve stayed friends with her- she’s an escort actually, this girl. Yes she’s cool.  I haven’t spoken to her recently.  So that was a nice time dynamic. I would actually like to experience that again, where I’m the centre of attention.

 

If a couple was going to approach you, what advice would you give them?

 

Have a general chit chat.  Not let it be based around sex and ‘come and meet us in a hotel and see where things..’ I don’t like that approach – ‘well let’s meet up and see if the chemistry is there,’ because instantly they’re basically saying, ‘let’s meet up for sex.’

 

Get to know me and have an experience, rather than just a fuck to tick a fantasy off their list, which is what I don’t want to be, unless I’m in that right frame of mind, I’ve met up with them and it feels right to become that fantasy. Then fair enough, but straight away if you’ve never met, have a little bit of a chit chat.  There’s been a couple of couples that said ‘can we take you out for dinner, can we get to know you better,’ That I like, because they’ve offered to take me out, in a normal, neutral place. They’ve not offered to come round to see me, or go to their house or hotel room- and just to sit and have a chit-chat over food. I think that’s very normal. I kind of like the normal approach, and I can kind of gauge where they’re coming from and and what they would like. Then if anyone feels uncomfortable you can leave as well, because it’s a bar or restaurant or whatever. I like that approach and that is what I would advise: to meet up. Because everybody has to feel comfortable.

 

Is there anything people have done, where they have really ruined their chances?

 

I have a message in my phone. There’s a couple I was chatting to, and then I’ve been busy so I haven’t responded to them and they kept putting question marks, and ‘Hi?’  I’m busy, you’re not on the top of my list. Then I got a message  saying ‘Hi, can we meet and fuck?’ I put ‘fuck off -worst approach ever. Never have I been so turned off. My vagina has sealed itself up.’

Then he put ‘It was a joke, because you never respond.’ Then I put ‘I’m going to block you,’ the other person put ‘cool.’ I put, ‘I don’t respond because I’m NOT INTERESTED.’  Then I left it. They’re pesty anyway. So that is not a good a good way to catch my good side. ‘Can we meet up and fuck?’  No.  No we can’t.

 

Have you ever had a situation where you found yourself becoming more emotionally involved with one or both of a couple than you planned to be when you first met with them?

 

No, I’ve never. I’ve never gone that far. I’ve never done that for with anyone actually with swinging. You create sort of feelings, but not in that light. I want to be with someone, but when you get to know someone you like them, don’t you?  You think, ‘I really like that person,’ but actual emotions like that, no. I can’t do that.  I detach myself because I see it as just swinging.

 

Do you think any women in a couple should ever be worried about you going off with her husband after, or be jealous of you being involved, or made insecure in any way?

 

I don’t think they should be jealous.  If there’s something wrong in their relationship then there would be reason to be jealous of anyone, or if they’ve got issues and insecurities that they’ve not to come to terms with or dealt with, then they shouldn’t be swinging like that. So no, because I wouldn’t take somebody’s husband or the other way around, I wouldn’t go off with the wife. It’s just they’re a couple, we’ve agreed to play together and that’s what it is. I see it for what it is.

 

Do you often find it’s the woman or the man that’s more attractive in the couple, or is it a mixture?  Do you need to be very attracted to both of them?

 

It has to be a mix.  I have to be attracted to both but it doesn’t mean necessarily mean physically.  I’m attracted to people’s energy, so if they’ve both got good energy and they are reasonably attractive, and if there’s a connection, then yeah that’s what I’m attracted to.

 

What’s the best pick-up line you’ve had from a couple?

 

Do you want to fuck?  Ha ha.  ‘Can we take you out for dinner and get to know you?’  I really like because it was just nice- you know, it was like straight away they wanted to sort of make me feel good. They wanted to do something for me, so that’s what I thought. That was quite nice.

 

So you say you’ve moved away from being with couples. What was it in your mind or in your life that you feel took you away from being a unicorn to wanting something different?

 

Because I’ve been playing with somebody for over a year and I’m quite happy having penetrative sex with him. So yeah, I’m quite happy just playing with him at the moment. I don’t see myself as 100% single anymore so that’s why. If I ended up being 100% single again then yeah, I will definitely go back to being open to playing with them.

 

Have you had any couples approach you to just play with one of the two? Or any times where you wanted one and not the other?

 

This takes it a little bit away from swinging. I’ve been asked to dominate a guy who’s in a couple, but the female of the couple is a bit funny about him being dominated by another woman as it’s normally her so, we’ve been talking about it. Then he came up with ‘what if you double dommed with her, on me?’  I said ‘well you’ve approached me,’ and I like his partner but I don’t feel any connection with her whatsoever. There’s nothing – she feels flat to me. I don’t feel her energy at all. There’s nothing there. So how’s that going to work, because how am I going to vibe off you in that situation? So I am more attracted to him than her. That’s a situation I’ve never really had. There’s normally always something about one and the other that makes itself up. But becomes all rounded. So yeah, that’s it at the moment. I had a message a couple of days ago actually so I just said ‘oh, I don’t know, you’ll have to open it up with her see what she thinks and then take it from there.’

 

How do you feel about the couple or the woman setting down ground rules for you?

 

I try and understand where people are coming from and if that’s their approach- if that’s where they’re at at that moment, that that’s their next step, to allow this to happen, because maybe they might be breaking into being completely open with each other. So sometimes I quite like the rules because then you know where you stand. If there’s no rules and it’s a brand new couple and you say- I don’t know- so I gave the guy blowjob or kissed him properly, and she’s like ‘Whoa, that made me feel really uncomfortable,’ then it can change. But if they specifically say, ‘Right, well he can’t kiss you and you can’t finger his bum and they are the rules,’ then you know where you stand. I don’t mind rules, I’m easy either side really.  If it’s a new couple then sometimes it’s better if they do have a few guidelines within their dynamic, because then no one’s going to kick off or the female’s not going to meltdown and start crying, or he’s not gonna go weird.

 

Have you had any cases where that happened?

 

I can’t quite remember what happened but there was one occasion where the woman went a bit funny with me, and it was her idea!  But I can’t quite remember the exact details of it. I do remember something of the woman being really funny, so yeah, maybe once.

 

Is there anything else you think people who are seeking a unicorn should know?

 

You’ve got to know the Unicorn- just get to know them a little bit. Find out what their experiences are: find out what they’re into and then you can build a better dynamic, especially if you’re thinking about seeing somebody on a regular basis.  It’s as well to get to know them. Don’t assume that you are just going to meet up and fuck- that it’s just going to be like this amazing threesome and everyone’s gonna have an amazing time. That will only happen if you if you talk and you get to feel each other out. That’s my advice: get to know her and be interested in her rather than just her pussy.

Hunting solo – single men and the MFF threesome

As a single guy trying to navigate the scene, it’s tricky getting a woman to take you seriously and separate you from the immediate dick pic brigade.  It’s hard enough trying to snare a unicorn without immediate assumptions about what type of guy you are but it obviously happens.  I’ve been lucky that I’ve had some chance encounters that have led to really good things, but having good threesomes is definitely another challenge.  Even with a playmate, it still took plenty of leg work to get it sorted.  Fortunately, both worked out really well, personality wise and physically.  I was at pains to make sure we both got what we wanted and made sure my playmate was the focus of our attention for the first part of the evening, before the favour was returned by both ladies later.  The other was at a party and a slightly different dynamic, but hot nonetheless.

Proflyactive, 36, single guy

Single guys seeking a MFF have several strategies they can use.

  1. Pair up with a playmate and make her your primary hunting partner
  2. Have a number of playmates to select from.  If you are patient, you may be able to mix and match them to form a trio, or when you find a unicorn looking for a couple you can offer her a choice of candidates to be the other F
  3. Hunt solo- target pairs of unicorns who are friends and play together.  Once you know some, this is often the easiest way to achieve your goal.

Single guys on the scene do have it tough.  While your unicorns may make up 1%, and couples about 60%, the rest is almost entirely single guys.  This might not seem like such a bad proportion, but the single guys are very highly active in the messaging stakes. They blanket bomb generic messages.  They send out nudes to say hello.  They are, in general, rude, offensive and clueless.  They annoy the single women to the point that most of them will block messages from all single guys.  How does one get through all this chaff to stand out as a worthy candidate?

a) Be different.  If your profile is really good, single girls will still search for you and find you.  Have good pictures.  Seem like you are someone they would want to date, and not be embarrassed by.  This is true whether you want to date them or just meet them for sex.  The women will be looking for someone who seems like a catch- someone they could be proud to say had notched their bedpost.  It’s a good idea to put your height, your field of work, especially if it something impressive or respectable, and good pictures of your face and body (nudes not required).  Write something in your profile box.  Make a joke.  Say what you like in a woman.  Say what your goals are (I’m new to the scene, looking for friends and party partners, etc.)  If you have any kinks you want to explore, be upfront about them, but be subtle (I’m curious about BDSM, I’d love to try a threesome if the dynamic is right, I’m bicurious, etc).  Though you risk putting a small percentage off by mentioning an interest, you are likely to gain as many back who share the same interest as you.  Some people like to include a short piece of erotic fiction – I’m not sure if this works for everyone.  I’d suggest you choose carefully.  I’ve had someone send me an elaborate violent rape fantasy as an opening message.  I did not meet him. Run a spelling and grammar check on your profile and messages, to avoid looking like an idiot.  Avoid lots of text talk (LOL, C U TMRW? HOT SEXY BBZ, etc.)  It can be helpful to put your nationality.  As well as seeming exotic, it will excuse a lot of spelling errors and misunderstandings if English is not your first language.  If you are local, or have a regional accent, put that too.  It all builds a picture of who you are, developing trust and familiarity.

b) Hit the parties.  As a single man, you will find a lot of events will not let you in, but there are a few that do.  If you want to attend, be sure to sign up very early as places for single males are usually limited.  At events with single men, the vibe can be intimidating. Usually, there seem to be dozens of guys, lined up against the walls, standing alone and watching the girls, not speaking to anyone.  Though this is likely shyness and a wish not to impose, it comes across as very creepy.   The single girls will usually be chatting together in groups, and seem unapproachable.   At many events, the rules may prohibit you from approaching the girls at all.  This seems an impossible situation for you, but all is not lost.  Most of our communication is not in what we say, but in our body language. Stand tall, step away from the wall, and stand 3-5 metres away from the object of your desire. Make eye contact and smile.  Not a shy smile, a confident smile.  A smile that says you are thinking about what could come next.  Practice doing this in the mirror before you go so it looks how you imagine it to.  Its a bit of an art, and takes practice to get right. If she looks at you and looks away and then back, she might be interested.  She might smile at you.  Try an affable move of the head to gesture her over, or if you think you can pull it off, beckon her over with your finger.  If she comes to talk to you, be friendly and complimentary.  Don’t go straight in for the kill.  Encourage her to talk about something. Ask her if she knows the venue.  What’s her favourite room? Would she like a drink?  Is she enjoying the night yet?  The more you can get her talking freely, the more you will relax her.  Do this with as many females as you can at the start of the night, then when you go back to them to talk to them or want to play later on, you’ve done the groundwork and have lots of potential girls to play with. Don’t spend the night standing around not trying.  Don’t get too drunk or take any drugs.  Don’t follow the girls from room to room, in a long line of single men, and stand watching them have sex.  For the love of God, don’t come up close to them and stand there wanking over them.  Don’t interrupt them to ask to join in during sex, and NEVER just skip the chat and join in without permission. That is assault, wherever you are. Even if the girl allows it, she likely wasn’t sure how to say no and she most certainly doesn’t want you to.  You are sure to be banned from the venue.  Don’t be that guy.  You can be the one the girls want to play with instead.  You can also attend couples events with a female who is not your partner.  I’ve known men to hire escorts for this reason, but you can find a willing female to go with you on a friendly basis, whether or not you want to have sex together.  Buy her ticket and drinks, pay for the taxi, and if you are playing with her pay for the hotel too.  Then, next time you ask, she will help you out again.  Some women may insist on paying their share, but as single girl tickets are discounted; never expect her to pay half the couples ticket price.  She is doing you a favour already, she shouldn’t be expected to financially subsidise your sexual exploits.

3) Get gregarious.  As well as commercial events, if you can build a circle of friends you will likely get invited to private ones too.  The single girls and couples will get to know you as ‘a good guy’ and be happy to include you in unstructured frolics (ironic, right?)  Be polite, participate in group chats before events if one is set up, and talk to the other guys and girls, as well as the ones you’d like to hook up with.  If you say you are coming, show up.  Private events mean one of your friends has gone to a lot of trouble to set things up, whether or not it is obvious, and nobody likes to cater for twenty and end up with three. Likelihood is, you have taken a space that other people could happily have filled if they were invited in time, but your friend has told them no, because they have allowed you priority.  Getting a last minute better offer or just not bothering because you don’t feel like it is disrespectful, and will likely mean you don’t get invited anymore.  If cancelling is unavoidable, let your host know as soon as possible and apologise sincerely.  Of the many private events I’ve been a part of, the initial ratio has been stacked 3:2 guys to girls. Even so, we have ended up on the night with between 3 and 6 girls to every one guy.  One of those could be you.

4) Be bold.  If you are lucky enough to have found a network with good single girls who play together, you are in the elite echelons of the swing world.  Take advantage of your favoured status and find out which girls normally like to play together.  Invite them both, openly, to come meet you for a great evening and some fun sex.  The girls will be happy to spend time together and to see you.  If you ask them both separately, they will likely think you are just trying to hedge your bets to have something to do for the evening, and are planning to cancel on one or both of them.  Girls talk to each other.  Make it clear that you want to see them both, together.  A man with the confidence to take control of matters is always hot. Scheduling is the tricky part with multi-person private meets.  Be patient, plan an evening for them worth attending.  Spoil them. They will adore you for it.  They will give feedback to the other single girls on how great it was and they will have done most of the ground work for you on achieving your next threesome with the other women.

All in all, single guys do have many advantages over couples, in that they can operate flexible strategies to achieve their goals.  They can, of course, also pick up women who do threesomes but don’t like to play with couples, of which there are a fair percentage.

Unicorn Utopia

There should be no power in a threesome.  It should be for mutual pleasure based on equality.

Sexy couple, 40

It is often the case that the perceptions and motives of a unicorn will shift, depending on where she is in her journey and her experiences so far.  Most guides to obtaining a threesome will focus heavily on discussing limits with your partner, and making sure you are both happy with your plans, have a get-out strategy if one of you finds you are unhappy, etc.  This is, in itself, a difference in power in the relative relationships between the couple and the single girl.  Of course, you will likely discuss what you are and aren’t happy with with your unicorn before you get to the bedroom (or sofa, sex party, hot tub, etc), but the difference is that the two of you have already made these rules, and she is expected to either agree to them or to say no.  You are negotiating as a single unit, with her.  She is negotiating alone.

Most unicorns start off believing a threesome is about the quote above.  A free, liberating sexual experience based on mutual enjoyment.  A sexy adventure between 3 individuals. Unfortunately, after a few experiences, she is likely left feeling somehow uncomfortable and dissatisfied, yet unable to put her finger on exactly why.  There are a few reasons for this:

  1. her needs weren’t met.  This can be anything from her sexual needs, to the way she was hoping to feel about herself during and after.  You need to take the time to explore her needs as an individual, rather than trying to shoe-horn her into the image of your ideal fantasy partner.  Otherwise she will feel used and lonely.
  2. The power dynamic was wrong.  I have been approached by a beautiful couple before- her immaculately dressed, with designer clothes and long dark hair, to set up what sounded like an enjoyable luxurious evening of dinner and hotel room frolics.  She showed me a picture of her partner – they had, unusually, met on the swing scene and got together.  He was tall, dark and well built, with an attractive face.  They had plenty of experience.  Initially, I was very up for it.  Yet as the date got closer, she started giving me instructions.  What I was to wear.  How to do my hair and nails.  Whether I could smoke.  What her partner did and didn’t like.  What I was and wasn’t allowed to do.  In the end I cancelled.  They didn’t want me, as I was.  They wanted an imaginary person.  It rapidly became clear to me that I was to be a passive plaything in the scenario, completely under her control, to do as I was instructed to demonstrate her prowess, power and control over other women to her boyfriend.  I knew I would not have enjoyed that.  Funny enough, her boyfriend contacted me a while later, after they had broken up.  He said he disliked how predatory she was, and that he saw himself as more of a poly*.  I didn’t meet him in the end though- he was rather obsessed with discussing pornography and still made me feel objectified.
  3. The unicorn detects a difference in the enthusiasm levels between the partners.  It has, unfortunately, been my experience when joining couples, that there tends to be one person who is the driving force, and one who is along for the ride.  You might assume it would be the man, but this is not always the case.  In addition to some women asserting power over the spare F (whether it is a wish to control through insecurity, or simple enjoyment of dominating the proceedings), there is the uncomfortable situation in which you realise one of the two is really not enjoying things.  The woman may be writhing around and moaning, yet bone dry.  The man may be rock hard for you, yet you see there is a sadness somewhere in his eyes. There may be some unicorns who don’t notice this, or don’t care, but I always have. It makes me feel bad, and whatever they might say, I know they would rather not be here doing this.  So why does a person in a relationship agree to a threesome if, on some level, they don’t want to?  Well, the same reason they do anything.  Because they feel they have to.  Because they want their partner to be happy in general, and with them.  To prove their love for their partner.  To prove their suitability for their partner.  To become the person they feel they ought to be for their partner.  It can also be the case, particularly with couples new to obtaining threesomes, that the reality of the event, and how they would feel about it, was not clear to them when it was a just fantasy.  Feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, sorrow and complexities of self image and worth can arise.  I’ve seen novice couples break into fights, run off, and even cry when it comes to completing the act.  It is not always easy for everyone to separate their emotions from the sexual act, and all the history of emotional associations built around sex throughout their lives.

The quote above represents what is probably the ideal situation for most unicorns, yet it is hard to achieve due to the stronger bond between the couple.  This can be overcome with time, or if there is already a strong bond between the two women.  In theory this should be the same if both women had a strong bond independently with the man, but it tends not to work that way, as the women don’t know and trust each other, so tend to be more insecure and competitive.  I have known at least one single man who uses this to his advantage in obtaining threesomes with two women who don’t know each other- he sets up a competitive vibe, where both will try to outdo each other for his pleasure. Although this may be fun for him at the time, and puts him in a position of power, it is usually unsatisfying and upsetting for both women.  It’s also a great way to stir up potential drama, so I would suggest avoiding it.  You can have just as much fun with two single women who are good friends – they will feel in control of the situation, happily use you- the male- as the sex object, and walk away feeling great afterwards, drama-free.

The unicorn in your MFF will almost never truly experience a feeling of equality with you both as individuals.  It is for you to be aware of this and try to compensate.  She will not have you afterwards to discuss things with.  She will not have your love.  She will not have your companionship and sense of an adventure shared in doing this.  She will not have discussed strategy and been hunting with you.  Afterwards, she goes home alone.  She very much comes to you as the passive party, and she knows it.  Most unicorns are extremely respectful and careful of treading on anyone’s toes or violating your limits. There are a few who aren’t, and will flout grabbing power from you in your face, but you will learn to rapidly identify them. They aren’t subtle.  They will start on your partner without checking for your agreement, then turn around and smile at you triumphantly. If I’m at a party and I’d like to play with a couple, I will always ask the other part of the couple before I do anything.  For example, “May I kiss your wife’s breasts?” or “is it okay if i suck his cock?”

Once you have captured a unicorn, is it best to release her or keep her for later?

You may feel more secure as a couple if you have set limits beforehand, such as only seeing any girl one time, but you make work for yourself in finding a new one.  If you all have a good time and enjoy the sex, the unicorn may well be happy to play again another time.  Most girls like to have a circle of sexy friends they can see now and then.  Equally, having played once, the unicorn may be happy to be friends but never play again. Regular sex, of any kind, can grow to feelings of attachment, and some unicorns will prefer to avoid this if they think they might be vulnerable to it.  If she says no after the first time, don’t necessarily be insulted.  She may just be protecting herself.  She may also have seen the close loving dynamic between you, and feels she would like the the same thing for herself- not necessarily with either of you, but in general.

Although there are a very small number of what might be called ‘true unicorns’ – women who do couples as a preference- they are very few and far between.  Most of the unicorns are women no different from you, who have an idea that one day they will be the primary F with someone.  They just haven’t found the right someone yet, and want to carry on having fun while looking.  If you understand this about the women you target, you will have a much higher success rate with them.

 

 

 

*Poly- Poly-amorous person. A person who chooses to participate in a non-monogamous relationship structure.

Getting inside of a unicorn

Being a single bisexual woman in the scene of swinging, I have had many experiences with couples.  A few great experiences and a few that have left me cautious of couples.

I often find that the most successful threesomes I’ve had were when the female half and I got on well.  I always feel like I need to establish that level of trust and respect with them to be comfortable to play with her partner as well as her.

Unfortunately there are times when often the male half of the couple can be too keen for his own good and ask to arrange a meet between the two of us before meeting them both.  This often puts me off because I can do that with a single guy of my choice.  To go from a potential threesome to just meeting half of the couple almost feels like an audition before meeting them together.

Personally, I prefer to meet couples at clubs and parties because threesomes happen more organically that way, it’s often daunting to be one person meeting two people who have each other’s back.  Maybe that’s why its hard to ‘capture’ a unicorn outside of her environment.

Mae, 30, unicorn

 

There is one sure fire way to get inside of a unicorn- enter her through her mind.

Being a couple who fancies trying a threesome doesn’t make you kinky, or even rare.  It’s probably the most prevalent sexual arrangement people have in society in the UK, and it’s on the rise.  You have the benefit of love, comfort, company, someone to split the bills with, yet still the added sexual spice of fresh new sexual partners.  And to make it even better, you can hunt them down together! Like a shared hobby.  Those who play together stay together, right?  And you are educated, charming, good looking.  Why wouldn’t a hot bisexual girl jump at the chance to get two for the price of one?

Yet the reality of the situation is there is a lot of time spent on internet sites, trying to get a response, picking out your targets and trying to chat them up together, a few promising leads, and eventually a disappointing ghosting.  Are the girls all fake?  Well some are. Let’s go step by step through your options for obtaining likely targets.

Internet

We live in a world of messengers and chat rooms and kink apps, and if there a niche group you want to find, chances are something exists for it.  Despite the inherent logic, you are unlikely to have much success aiming at bisexual women’s sites, like HER. Although you will see a lot of ‘single’ bisexual women on them, they are nearly always in a pair of their own, and scouting for single females too.  This is a strategy we will discuss later.  Genuine single bisexuals will usually be inundated with dozens of messages a day from couples wanting threesomes already – to the point where they feel treated as a sex object and will rebuff your advances before you even get started.  Likewise, bisexual and lesbian clubs are not likely to take kindly to your efforts.  You need to go niche.

Of the UK female population, perhaps 1% are genuinely single bisexual women.  Of those, assuming you aren’t choosy, perhaps 10% will be adequately attractive or ‘your type’ enough for both you and your partner to consider them suitable.  Narrow this down to the ones in a reasonable radius, and you have very slim pickings.  It’s probably not worth seeking too far afield- it just tends to not end up happening.  So, bearing in mind you will find a small handful of what appear to be suitable candidates, some of whom are not genuine, and all of whom will be inundated with threesome requests, how do you single out a real unicorn in a field of fast moving zebras?

  1. Use the right sites.  Off hand, you could try killingkittens.com, heavencircle, Feeld, threesomecontacts.com, findathreesome.com, yourtango.com, 3nder.org, polyamory.com, Fabswingers,  and a few others.  Fetish sites are another option, if you aren’t altogether vanilla, but for now let’s keep this simple.  You will probably find the other site members are mainly couples, and you will likely get quite a lot of unsolicited pictures on some sites.  Make yourself a good profile.  Write about yourselves as individuals to seem human, and take some really good pictures, separately and together.  Your washboard abs will not stand out among a sea of the same.  Use a face picture if you can, even if its not full view.  This is your shop front to sell yourself.  Avoid writing lots about how happy you are together, or writing about each other in flattering ways.  It’s a little nauseating for the single girl you are hoping to bag.  She’s not going to be part of any of this relationship intimacy, so if you start off on that foot you are going to make her feel alienated from the get go. Talk instead about what she’s going to get.  Talk about your fitness, be charming, talk about the things you like to do so she can see if you have common ground.  Talk about what her time with you is going to be like.  Are you hoping for an ongoing thing, or a one off?  If its a one off, offer to meet her socially first and talk about the fantastic night you will have together; dinner, dancing, drinks, luxury, maybe a weekend in a spa?  Let her know you will wine and dine her and win her over long before you expect her to decide whether she wants sex with you (and don’t expect her to pay the bill either!)
  2. Now you are ready to go, strike up an opener with something funny and complimentary.  Be specific, and show you have read her profile!  She’s given you a coded instruction manual on exactly what she wants and how to seduce her.  Don’t wait for her to message you.  Don’t scattershot the same email all over the place to all your targets.  Make it tailored, respectful, appreciative and personal.  We aren’t fishing with dynamite here.  Unless she specifically asks you to, please don’t send her pictures of your genitals or the two of you having sex together.  It will never turn her from a no to a yes, but will almost always turn her from a yes to a no.
  3. Establish your quarry is genuine.  You can upload pictures on google reverse image search and see if that alluring body is actually pinched from a lingerie ad.  After conversing for a little while, ask her to send a selfie with her finger on her nose. This is rare enough that if she’s taken someone else’s shot as her own, she’s unlikely to be able to find one or photoshop fast enough.  Be sure to send the same too, so it’s fair.  It will also mean you can see what she looks like today, not 20 years ago.
  4. Having got this far, you are doing well.  If she’s responded to you a couple of times and you’ve verified she’s not a fake, you have a good target, who is at least considering the idea.  Build rapport, work your charm, but find out about what she wants. Follow the cues she gives you, throwing in the odd sincere compliment now and then. If you can, get her to video chat with you briefly.  You’ll both learn a lot more about whether you will like each other in person than you will in a year of messaging.  See if you can pin her to a preliminary meeting for coffee if she’s nearby, or talk about the amazing date you’d both like to take her on.  Charm her, win her over, spoil her a little.  Get her phone number and fix a date with her to see her or talk to her again.  And stick to it.  You can’t afford to play hard to get, because you have too much competition.  If you let her drift away, by next week you’ll be one of a sea of faces who all wanted the same thing from her.  She’s looking promising, but she’s not in your net yet.  Prepare to ramp up your game for phase 2, which we will talk about in another blog post.

Hunting grounds

It is a common sexual fantasy of couples to ‘pick up a girl at a bar’.  It almost never happens, and if it does its usually a complete fluke.  As we’ve discussed, real unicorns are few and far between.  Unfortunately for you, they don’t actually wear a horn on their head.  Although there are clues sometimes, they are not reliable.  Even an experienced unicorn hunting veteran cannot tell just by looking, in 99% of cases.  Fortunately for you, you have 2 options:

  1. Seed your hunting grounds.  As with pheasant hunting, you bring the birds to you in a concentrated area, then you have much better odds.  You can do this by starting a forum thread on a suitable site to arrange a meeting, hosting a party (a more advanced and complex endeavour) or even starting a rumour that something is happening at a regular bar, once you have enough contacts in the swing world.  I’ve tried this, it can work, but is probably the option that is the most work and actually the least fun in the end.
  2. Go to the right places.  With the rise of ethical non-monogamy and couples wanting to share the whole of their sexual natures with each other, there are a number of venues you can pay to go to where the hard work is done for you.  In terms of man hours of effort versus threesome opportunities, they work out excellent value for money, and are also a jolly fun way to spend an evening.  Selecting the venue that is going to work best for you is going to take a mixture of planning and experimentation.  Research the websites.  Ask opinions from people who have been. Look at the cost and the area and travel and arrangements required.  You could try anything from a luxury swingers week in a Mediterranean naturist colony (Cap D’ague comes to mind) to a more modest first foray to an elite swingers party, like killing kittens or Jon Blue, or try a sex club like Le Boudoir or Kinky Salon.  Prices and themes vary widely.  If you are concerned about hassle from single men, note that most events are couples and single girls only.  ‘Full swing’ or partner swapping is not required (nor is doing anything at all for that matter!), nor do most couples do it.  Most of them are there just like you, looking for a spare F.  Be friendly and chat nicely with them- you never know, sometimes the girl in another couple is actually single and ‘just brought her friend’.  There will also be a handful of single girls at the events, generally not enough for one per couple I’m afraid.  Be sure to read up on the rules and etiquette for each venue- they do vary widely, and you are likely to be ejected if you flout the rules.  These venues will give you a chance to meet and mingle, and perhaps charm a single girl or two, whether for the evening or for another time.  You will often find the single girls go in groups together, like a little herd of gazelles.

 

 

Having found your targets, you have passed the first hurdle.  You might imagine the next step is to slyly bag them with a single shot, using your prowess, good looks, charm and general sexiness.  But you’d be wrong.  The next step is to do what any good hunter does- you watch and wait, and find ways to get into the mind of your quarry.  Do it right and they will tamely follow you home.  Do it really well, and they will think they are the ones dragging you home.  Do it wrong and you will watch them go off with someone else.  The next stage of the game is sufficiently complicated and variable, with so many potential strategies, that it deserves a good few blogs of it’s own.

 

 

 

Female motivation in MFF threesomes

Here’s my threesome story. Figured it would be best to start at the very first one, LOL.  I think I was 22 going on 23.  I hadn’t planned on having a threesome, my friend with benefits at the time decided to arrange it after talking about me to one of her friends, that I fancied.  I reckon it is on most people’s bucket list – regardless of the form of it.  Anyway, meeting up with my friend with benefits at a hotel as normal, I ended up being blindfolded, then having a ‘mystery woman’ ride my face, whilst the other was giving me a blow job…the blindfold came off and a couple of hours later it was all over.  I was very much satisfied and hooked.  Since then I’ve been in mmf, ffm, ffmm and a couple of gangbangs besides the odd orgy.  I did ask my friend with benefits why she had done it and surprised me with it.  Her response? ‘I love the sight of you pleasing another woman.’

Karl, 28, Single male, engineer

 

‘Lucky Karl’, we might say.  In this account, it is not Karl, but what we might call a ‘female primary’, who has arranged the scenario.  Though he describes her in an unconventional term in terms of classic heterosexual relationships as not being his wife or girlfriend, she and he appear to have the primary bond out of the three interactions that exist in the MFF scenario.  What has most likely made it easier to achieve this goal, however, is the pre-existing bond she had with her female friend.

In arranging any kind of sexual intercourse, there is usually a path to be followed in development of trust and connection, between all parties involved.  Though under certain circumstances this can be avoided, in engineering a private MFF it is usually vital.  Because the female primary had already developed a relationship of sorts with the secondary female (spare F), from the secondary’s perspective, she already had a bond of trust and connection with the primary female.  This feeds into strategy of attack, which will be discussed in a later blog.

Certainly, not all female friendships would be suitable for this endeavour, and with existing non-sexual friendships there is the risk of doing damage to the dynamic, not just through the interaction if successful or unsuccessful, but through the introduction of an unfamiliar context by the suggestion alone.  We do not, however, know what the usual interaction between the primary and secondary female usually was- were they acquaintances? Had they been sexual with each other before? Had they participated in MFF together before?  Some circles of friends are more casually sexual within a group than other are. He says he had seen her before and fancied her, so she was not entering into a completely unknown set-up.  Therefore, we could speculate that the motivations of the secondary female may have been:

-to explore a pre-existing attraction to the primary male, without risking her connection to the primary female

-to explore a pre-existing attraction to the primary female, without risking that connection or having to dwell on the notions of her sexual identity and sexuality

-to participate in an adventure or exploration, using her pre-existing friendship with the primary female to engender a sense of safety and security, a ‘shared adventure’ with a friend

-She may have had a pre-existing wish to explore participating in a MFF herself, whether for the first time, or because she had tried it previously and had a good experience.

-She may have enjoyed a sense of power, at being the sexy, unfamiliar person in the MFF, the ‘other woman’ (which some women do enjoy) or at her own sexual mastery and freedom in participating in what is still, for many people, a sexual fantasy, boosting her self esteem 

From the position of the female primary, there are also motivations that can be examined.  Though she says it was because she loved seeing him give pleasure, there are layers to this.

-She may have loved seeing it:  In that she has voyeuristic tendencies and is aroused by the sight of sexual activity with someone she finds attractive

-She may have loved giving him pleasure, in that she was happy he was happy – whether altruistically or because she had set it up for him, engendering a sense of personal power and mastery that she had executed a sexual fantasy successfully

She may have found her arousal was heightened by small elements of primal jealousy, making him seem all the more attractive in her eyes to see another woman with him.  This is really just an extension of the age old ‘make them jealous’ ploy, but it is using it on yourself to heighten your sense of lust for a person, increasing the intensity of the experience, rather that getting them to date you.

-She may have found this was a way of exercising control in a situation where she knew the  male primary was attracted to her friend, and preferred to engineer a situation in which she was included, and received credit and respect for her efforts, rather than worry about how the situation would unfold if she didn’t intervene.  She is not described in terms of a committed relationship, and even if her feelings for him were not strong, it is still possible for primal alpha female dominance and jealousies to arise subconsciously. Taking the role of female primary in a bold manoeuvre to effectively execute a fantasy sex act can be very empowering, on a personal level, and in establishing a dominant role in both the eyes of the secondary female and primary male.

-Maybe she had a good experience previously with MFF threesomes and wanted to try it again, with a friend she also found attractive

-Maybe it was on her wishlist to partake in one, or to engineer one.  The difference between enjoying the act, and enjoying the (sometimes Machiavellian) planning that goes into setting one up occur in very different parts of the psyche, and knowing which aspect appeals more to each party is quite crucial in engineering a good MFF.  The strategy used is completely different, and if you get it wrong your fish will rapidly be off the hook.

From the male perspective in this case, Karl appears to be the passive party.  He wasn’t instrumental in the set-up, he wasn’t aware it would happen until it did.  Yet he did a few simple things that enabled it to happen.  He was open with his female primary- in that he was attracted to her friend and  indicated to her he would enjoy the possibility if she were to set something up.  He maintained a relationship with her that was good enough and sexual enough that she had the confidence to arrange it, knowing he would enjoy it. He let his female primary have all the power in the MFF- she was the sole mastermind; the event was under her control.

It is often the case with the MFF, both in terms of set up, and in sexual execution, that the primary male seeks to take too dominant a role.  An MFF works much better when the male takes a back seat and allows the majority of the work to be done by the women.  In terms of the sexual activity, men adopting a position where they are on their back, kneeling or otherwise open geometrically is far more enjoyable than going for missionary or similar, where the only free side left is your back and buttocks, and the other woman can’t get to the one you are on top of at all.  This leads to basically taking it in turns with the women, while one sits bored.  It’s a bit of a rookie mistake.  If you are laying down, allowing the women to pleasure you, you have several fun areas they can work with, and they can also reach each other.  A personal favourite of mine is standing or sitting in a circle in a hot tub- it gives a very intimate yet equal feeling, and there are always plenty of places to put your hands and lips, for all parties at once.

Karl’s situation was perhaps a little unusual, and if you are reading this you are likely to feel ready to take a pro-active stance in securing your own threesome, rather than hoping for a miracle.  The later blogs will tell you all you need to know.

 

Hunting unicorns

Welcome to your new bible.

This series of blogs will tell you everything you need to know about how to up your game and capture the elusive spare F for fun, frolics and drama-free living.  We aren’t talking pick-up artist theory, or relationship advice. This guide is for one thing only: making you a premiere hunter for ‘MFF’- the fantasy threesome with two women.

Whether you are a couple or a single man or woman, your strategy is what will make or break your success rate.  It’s not about your looks, your age, your income, your ability or lack thereof in the vanilla dating world.   This is a different game altogether. And I will be your gracious guide.

This blog series will examine step by step the things you need to know and practice, to stop you from shooting yourself in the foot every time a prime unicorn comes by.  We will pull apart advice and anecdotes from unicorns, couples and single men, looking at the strategies that have worked for them and those that haven’t, gaining insight into the workings of the unicorn mind, utilising a wealth of knowledge from many decades worth of collective experience.

The scene is full of extremely attractive couples seeking unicorns, and there are very few true unicorns to be had. But these couples strike out a whole lot more than you might imagine- and it’s for a few really simple yet serious reasons.  With a slight shift of perspective, you can be cleaning up where all their shots are flying wide of the mark.  So settle in, sign up and prepare for your crash course in advanced unicorn hunting.

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