Really bad approaches: How not to text flirt

Really bad approaches? This one is an ode to the single girls.  The unicorns; prized, fetishized, misunderstood and dehumanised.  You deal daily with a stream of objectification that would crack a Spartan warrior’s spirit, yet remain your amazing, individual and wonderful selves.  I shall love you always.

Couples and single guys, please note the calibre of your competition. Bad approaches are common. Good approaches are rare.

*Some have been recreated, but the conversations are all real, and are from myself and single girls I know personally.

really bad approaches by text.  bad flirting texts

Because what girl doesn’t love to hear about your pornographic sexual conquests with other women? We are just walking holes to some people. Bad approaches include objectification and an unwillingness to empathise with the experience you are giving the text recipient.


How to get in there first with a dick pic and ensure the coffee date you just arranged will never ever take place. Bad approaches include too much too soon. Like unsolicited dick pics.


Because, clearly, the only thing standing between you and sex with every girl on earth is your girlfriend’s permission to play away.  If you can see cleavage, it’s fine to skip the pleasantries; having boobs is the international symbol for ‘up for random sex,’ apparently. Bad approaches can include being judgemental and objectifying.


A dick pic to a random contact you find on your KIK and have never spoken to. Entertaining ice breaker?  No, not really. Bad approaches ofen start with a random dick pic.


Try saving your messages and not sending the same ones over and over.  And listening to the response your intended gives you. Bad approaches can sound like a pervy chat bot.

Bad approaches text chat

Because over 30’s are strictly for sex.  Obviously.  #cougar

Bad approaches flirting by text badly
Bad approaches with dick pics and lack of conversation

Opening up to this flasher monologue was not enticing me to meet them

Bad approaches can be creepy and weird.  Bad text flirtation

Perhaps he thought it sounded mysterious?

Bad approaches cut and paste text

Opening with a sexual question and then sticking a brag in should really get them interested, right?

Bad approaches can be entitled texting


Bad approach on fabswingers website

Clearly quite the conversationalist.

Big black booty isnt a charming text flirtation.  Bad approaches on fab

Because what girl doesn’t want to be loved for her big black booty?

bad approaches by text can include making it all about your own fantasy to a stranger

‘Went’ is great.  Who could resist a guy who wants to pimp you out to his random friend?


Because all great relationships start with a guy looking for a ‘cum dump’.  I bet he’s going to be really smooth in person.


Are they pimping me some big ass slut boys?  What does that even mean?


Any ‘bareback breeding slags’ looking for an anonymous misogynistic stranger to father their offspring?  No. Thought not.


Wonder if he also feels that way about his Momma?

These openers really are a sad indictment of society, and in many cases, the education system.  If a woman is on a swinger site, it means she enjoys having sex with a selection of the very finest, most attractive and interesting men (and women).  That she is liberated enough to own her femininity and sexuality, and confident enough to expand her horizons beyond the archaic social regulations set down by society.  Why this should mean that some people think she’s a walking sex toy, willing to do anything with anyone, or even some sort of sub-human being to be exposed to verbal abuse, slander and pictures of your genitals on an hourly basis, is unclear.

If these approaches are even vaguely like yours, reconsider your strategy.  Send a picture of your face, not your dick, and get your mother to proofread it before you send.  Not comfortable with that thought?  Then she’s not going to want to see it either.

Feel like you need a shower?  There will be more to come.  Probably in an hour or so. Welcome to the inbox of a single girl on the swing scene.

Want to up your game?  Here’s the book you need:

Book cover with link to buy it from Amazon, unicorns and how to hunt them - learn to flirt by text and lose the really bad approaches
Your guide to ruling the swing scene from newbie to sultan of swing, in a 4 hour read


  1. Ironically, nearly all of the men on ‘vanilla’ dating sites are also on the sex sites. They may adapt their crudity a little but they are still the same people saying these things. And there is really no reason a woman should be spoken to in that way, just because she identifies as bisexual, non monogamous, a swinger or any other reason. Sex is sex, but these are good, intelligent and lovable women. Their rights and value as human beings isn’t altered by their sexual preferences.

    • Yep.
      I’ve experienced it all. I’ve also had some of the best experiences with men I’ve met on non vanilla sites because they can be the ones that truly understand that a woman can be a mom, corporate executive, intelligent… and be extremely sexual. A well rounded package. Most men can’t handle it.

  2. I lost count of the number of Dick pics I have received… I have played a little with Dom/Sub and know only very little about the dynamics but that last one blew my mind. I hope never to meet a Dom like that, IMO he is just a misogynistic prick!!

  3. serious question: How many of these guys do you think really mean these things they say? i’m thinking for instance of the guy on fetlife talking about ‘moulding and breaking’ a woman. I mean, is he trying to be cute? As consensual dirty talk it would be fine maybe, as a game with someone who likes acting out the role of ‘sub’…but if he really thinks that about women it is of course hideous. Or the third possibility is its all talk and he’s a tiny frightened man with a willy like a bookies pencil?

    But maybe he really is that nasty in which case he sounds really abusive…

    I really want to know what you think, it’s such an important topic

    • Whether or not it is a genuine sentiment or a form of bravado, it’s certainly not good self marketing. Unfortunately, I’ve come across a few that are not dissimilar. I once asked one what on Earth he was thinking. He told me he’d adapted it from a long piece that he’d actually once been sent by a woman. Why this role should have appealed to him so much I can only speculate. Perhaps if you present yourself as a monster you feel like nobody is going to hurt your feelings when they turn you down?

  4. I just wondered whether he was trying to sound like a sexy bad boy and overdid it, or if he really is a psychopath? I’m thinking the former, because a real psycho would surely make more effort to sound appealing to start with.

    There’s something to be said here about the disjunct between online personas and real life selves. Obviously its preferable if guys arent really as twisted as they pretend. But i guess it is a form of psychic violence, putting this shit out there.

    Personally, I dont think human beings are fully evolved enough to use online communication properly.

  5. you should try being a Cross dressing sissy ho on Fab Swingers…. oh the messages!! But many men love us as we actually do like some of the openers.. sadly 99% follow up with “Send Pics” or “what do you like” when a) there are pictures on your profile b) explicitly says no face pics! c) says what you like and want and are looking for.. soobv can’t be bothered to read.. auto delete.. unless the dick pic is interesting!

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