Really bad approaches

This one is an ode to the single girls.  The unicorns; prized, fetishized, misunderstood and dehumanised.  You deal daily with a stream of objectification that would crack a Spartan warrior’s spirit, yet remain your amazing, individual and wonderful selves.  I shall love you always.

Couples and single guys, please note the calibre of your competition.

*Some have been recreated, but the conversations are all real, and are from myself and single girls I know personally.

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Because what girl doesn’t love to hear about your pornographic sexual conquests with other women? We are just walking holes to some people.

 

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How to get in there first with a dick pic and ensure the coffee date you just arranged will never ever take place.

 

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Because, clearly, the only thing standing between you and sex with every girl on earth is your girlfriend’s permission to play away.  If you can see cleavage, it’s fine to skip the pleasantries; having boobs is the international symbol for ‘up for random sex,’ apparently.

 

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A dick pic to a random contact you find on your KIK and have never spoken to. Entertaining ice breaker?  No, not really.

 

 

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Try saving your messages and not sending the same ones over and over.  And listening to the response your intended gives you.

 

 

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Because over 30’s are strictly for sex.  Obviously.  #cougar

 

 

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Opening up to this flasher monologue was not enticing me to meet them

 

 

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Perhaps he thought it sounded mysterious?

 

 

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Opening with a sexual question and then sticking a brag in should really get them interested, right?

 

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‘You’re.’

 

 

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Clearly quite the conversationalist.

 

 

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Because what girl doesn’t want to be loved for her big black booty?

 

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‘Went’ is great.  Who could resist a guy who wants to pimp you out to his random friend?

 

 

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Because all great relationships start with a guy looking for a ‘cum dump’.  I bet he’s going to be really smooth in person.

 

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Are they pimping me some big ass slut boys?  What does that even mean?

 

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Any ‘bareback breeding slags’ looking for an anonymous misogynistic stranger to father their offspring?  No. Thought not.

 

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Wonder if he also feels that way about his Momma?

 

These openers really are a sad indictment of society, and in many cases, the education system.  If a woman is on a swinger site, it means she enjoys having sex with a selection of the very finest, most attractive and interesting men (and women).  That she is liberated enough to own her femininity and sexuality, and confident enough to expand her horizons beyond the archaic social regulations set down by society.  Why this should mean that some people think she’s a walking sex toy, willing to do anything with anyone, or even some sort of sub-human being to be exposed to verbal abuse, slander and pictures of your genitals on an hourly basis, is unclear.

If these approaches are even vaguely like yours, reconsider your strategy.  Send a picture of your face, not your dick, and get your mother to proofread it before you send.  Not comfortable with that thought?  Then she’s not going to want to see it either.

Feel like you need a shower?  There will be more to come.  Probably in an hour or so. Welcome to the inbox of a single girl on the swing scene.

Unicorn interviews 4

Naughty Naturist, over 40, predatory unicorn

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?

Suppose so.

How did your first experience with a couple come to happen?

I have actually never done a couple.  Maybe I don’t count as a unicorn?

Please describe what you enjoy doing.

I like group sex.  Especially when there are more guys than girls.  Best scenario- 3 guys, me and one other girl, or me and 2-3 guys

How do you select which groups to join, or how do you select who to include in yours?

Watch them- see what they are doing and see if it turns me on.  If the action is hot then I’m tempted.  I particularly like a nice hard cock.  Often they are not hard at parties.

How would you approach someone you were keen to play with?

Sometimes just move closer and use body language until they invite me- or sometimes just ask directly.

How do you like to be approached?

Eye contact, beckoned over or directly asked.  I wouldn’t agree until I saw them in action; I don’t do pre-arranged, as I only know if there will be chemistry when I see it.

Apart from a hard cock, what would make you select somebody you saw?

Decent body, energy, passion – like they are really into it and not just playing about or showing off.  Girls often fake enjoyment.  Guys too.

If a guy has come to an event as a single, how could he win your attention?  Would he need to be having sex with another girl first?

I don’t like surprises so I’d like to see the action first ideally.  Although I have made exceptions now and again for particularly attractive men.

Have you ever had a man or couple decline when you asked to join?

Once I think- a guy said no because his wife didn’t agree to me having him.  That’s the only time I can remember.  Probably because I only wanted him, not her.

You said you don’t do couples, but you do at parties, is that right?

I haven’t ever.  Only singles in groups.

Um.  I’ve seen you.

Who?

At KK – the 18 year olds.  He fired cum all over you.

Oh yes! Forgot about them.  And that posh couple at TK.

Plus that hipster and his girlfriend, where you kept talking about (removed) until he went soft.

Oh yeah, haha.  OK with couples they need to both be relaxed and totally open.  And equally hot.  There’s often a disparity – hot woman with not so hot guy.

Why do you think that is?

Dunno Really.  Fewer attractive men around?  Women care less about looks?

Do you usually play with both of a couple or just the man?

Depends.  With the posh couple I went down on her while he fucked me, then I gave him a BJ while she played with me.

What are the worst approaches you’ve had?

Uninvited touching/grabbing.  Just because I’m naked, doesn’t mean you can touch me.  And just because I’m at a sex party, doesn’t mean I want to fuck you.  Cheesy chat up lines are equally horrible- too many OTT compliments are a turn off.

What is it about group sex that you really enjoy?

The variety, the chemistry, bodies moving together, giving and getting pleasure.  Exciting visual stimulation, too.

How do you think other women feel about you?

Well, hmm.  I have been called a ‘boner stealer’. Ha ha.  I do aim to get what I want, so I guess some see me as quite selfish.

Do you see yourself as more predator than prey?

Yep.  I want it my way or it’s no way.

Would you advise ‘unicorning’ to other women?

Only if they are in it 100% for their own pleasure and sexual development – not as a stop gap until they find a real boyfriend, and definitely not if they think they will find a partner on the scene.

Do you find it empowering?

Absolutely.  I’m in it for me- totally.

What do you feel you have learned since you first started?  How has your view changed?

Blimey, loads.  My view of men has changed a lot.  Most of the guys I’ve had sex with at parties are totally respectful and willing to please – they get that women are in control here.  I did think there would be a lot of sleazy guys who couldn’t get sex anywhere else, but that’s not true.  Most just want hot sex with willing partners.  They often can’t find women who will be adventurous outside of the scene.

What do you imagine as your fairytale ending?

There are no fairytale endings.  What would anyone want to end up stuck up in a castle with a prince for?

Do you think any woman would be justified in being fearful for her relationship if she and/or her partner had sex with you?

Not if it was at a party or event – it’s a safe space for exploring.  I’ve heard of some guys in couples seeing women privately – I wouldn’t do that.  I go to parties looking for fun and hot sex – not a husband.

Please tell me a story of a really fun experience you’ve had.

I went to Cap D’Ague and had amazing fun at a pool party.  Three hot guys sitting on the edge of the pool- I swam over and started sucking him.  The other two join in, one fucking me from behind. Then I suck each of the other two in turn.  Had loads of exciting experiences at Cap.  Ended up with a girl joining in too and we had a session on the sunbeds.

What events and venues do you feel would be most suitable for single guys or couples looking to try their first MFF?

KK (Killing Kittens).  Comfortable environment, usually friendly people and the staff are really helpful too.  Usually a few new people too.

What advice would you give to anyone looking to explore sexually with MFF and/or group sex?

Go to parties, then you will meet people to connect with.  Be friendly with everyone- it’s not just about sex.

Do you feel that there are any myths about sex parties?  What have you found to be untrue?

Not everyone will want to have sex with you.  The women are not free whores.

Do you ever worry about meeting someone from your outside life on the scene?

No, because if they were there then we are both doing the same thing so what’s the issue?

Do you feel sex parties and swinging fit in with feminist ideals?

Totally.  It’s about what I want to do on equal terms with men.  I feel sexually equal at sex parties – I don’t have to pretend to be the stereotype of a girl who is ‘hard to get’ or is ‘prey’ for a man.

Do you think you are perceived differently from ‘vanilla’ women?

Yes- I think men on the scene would not consider me as a girlfriend as I am too equal sexually.  Men don’t want that in a partner usually.  There is a double standard, that’s for sure.  Guys are ‘meant’ to explore and want sex with more than one woman at a time.  It’s not seen as ‘usual’ for women to enjoy group sex with more than one guy.

If a man were to take a shine to you, what would it take for him to tie you down?

Rope.

Ha ha.

I don’t tend to see any of the guys I have sex with at parties outside of parties, so the opportunity to get to know them or ‘fall for them’ never arises.

Any final words of advice for those new to the scene?

Just relax and see what happens.  You’ll soon see what sort of things you’re attracted to. And if not, you’ve lost nothing.

 

 

 

 

* image by @joannathangiah