Really bad approaches

This one is an ode to the single girls.  The unicorns; prized, fetishized, misunderstood and dehumanised.  You deal daily with a stream of objectification that would crack a Spartan warrior’s spirit, yet remain your amazing, individual and wonderful selves.  I shall love you always.

Couples and single guys, please note the calibre of your competition.

*Some have been recreated, but the conversations are all real, and are from myself and single girls I know personally.

iphone-A3Ud

Because what girl doesn’t love to hear about your pornographic sexual conquests with other women? We are just walking holes to some people.

 

text1

How to get in there first with a dick pic and ensure the coffee date you just arranged will never ever take place.

 

text2

Because, clearly, the only thing standing between you and sex with every girl on earth is your girlfriend’s permission to play away.  If you can see cleavage, it’s fine to skip the pleasantries; having boobs is the international symbol for ‘up for random sex,’ apparently.

 

text3

A dick pic to a random contact you find on your KIK and have never spoken to. Entertaining ice breaker?  No, not really.

 

 

text4

Try saving your messages and not sending the same ones over and over.  And listening to the response your intended gives you.

 

 

text5

Because over 30’s are strictly for sex.  Obviously.  #cougar

 

 

text6text7

Opening up to this flasher monologue was not enticing me to meet them

 

 

iphone-83Ud

Perhaps he thought it sounded mysterious?

 

 

texta1

Opening with a sexual question and then sticking a brag in should really get them interested, right?

 

texta3

‘You’re.’

 

 

texta4

Clearly quite the conversationalist.

 

 

texta6

Because what girl doesn’t want to be loved for her big black booty?

 

texta8

‘Went’ is great.  Who could resist a guy who wants to pimp you out to his random friend?

 

 

texta9

Because all great relationships start with a guy looking for a ‘cum dump’.  I bet he’s going to be really smooth in person.

 

texta10

Are they pimping me some big ass slut boys?  What does that even mean?

 

texta11

Any ‘bareback breeding slags’ looking for an anonymous misogynistic stranger to father their offspring?  No. Thought not.

 

texta12texta13texta14

Wonder if he also feels that way about his Momma?

 

These openers really are a sad indictment of society, and in many cases, the education system.  If a woman is on a swinger site, it means she enjoys having sex with a selection of the very finest, most attractive and interesting men (and women).  That she is liberated enough to own her femininity and sexuality, and confident enough to expand her horizons beyond the archaic social regulations set down by society.  Why this should mean that some people think she’s a walking sex toy, willing to do anything with anyone, or even some sort of sub-human being to be exposed to verbal abuse, slander and pictures of your genitals on an hourly basis, is unclear.

If these approaches are even vaguely like yours, reconsider your strategy.  Send a picture of your face, not your dick, and get your mother to proofread it before you send.  Not comfortable with that thought?  Then she’s not going to want to see it either.

Feel like you need a shower?  There will be more to come.  Probably in an hour or so. Welcome to the inbox of a single girl on the swing scene.

Getting your partner to agree to a threesome

There are quite a few pieces already written on this, but I’m going to try to break it down for you.  Assuming you are with a partner in some sort of exclusive arrangement, and have met them via the vanilla world, it can be a worrying issue to bring up.  If you are not exclusive, or met them via the swing or sex scene, you will likely be less concerned about how to discuss it.  As women tend to feel more secure in raising the issue of adding a spare F for sex, this will mostly be discussed from the male perspective.  This is not to say women are not the instigators:  In a large number of couples, it is the woman who spearheads the conversation and is the more active unicorn hunter.  These women just don’t really need advice on how to go about it.

There are a few different angles you need to consider, for which there may be trade-offs to negotiate:

What you want

You may have an idea in your head about what it is you are looking for, but how well formed is it?  What are the main criteria?  Are you looking to explore new sexual adventures with your partner?  Tick a box off your sexual bucket list?  Have you always wanted a two-girl blowjob?  Do you fantasise about seeing your partner with another woman?  Are you wishing for an ongoing polyamorous relationship?  Do you just want an excuse to have sex with other people without getting in trouble?  If you can be honest with yourself first about what it is you are really hoping for, you can approach the endeavour with better clarity, and make choices about how and if to approach your partner.  It will also help when you come to look for a unicorn.

What your partner wants

You may have an idea in your head about your partner’s sexual likes, adventurous nature and how secure they feel to explore with you, or allow you to explore.  This is not necessarily the whole picture.  Just as you have settled into a comfortable pattern with her, she has settled into one with you.  Disrupting the status quo can be scary, and if you are vague about your reasons or what you want, they may react with anger or sadness based on being made suddenly insecure or feeling less valued.  For this reason, it is worth finding out more about your partner’s thoughts before asserting your own.  This is not always a simple thing, as many women have a tendency to say what they think you want to hear, and are acutely aware that they will be judged much more harshly as a woman and categorised as a slut if they express anything beyond mono vanilla desires. You’ll need to pick your time and context for discussion well, and make sure it feels like a safe space for her to open up.  If your relationship is new, on rocky ground or you’ve made her feel less than adored so far, expect a fiery response.

What your relationship needs

There are as many types of relationship as there are people.  Assuming a chance to play around on the swing scene is a lower priority to you than maintaining your current relationship, you need to set aside your own aspirations for a moment and examine what it is your relationship, as it stands, actually needs.  Do you spend adequate quality time together?  Do you have shared goals you are working towards?  How will swinging fit in with them?  Is doing this going to affect the way you view each other, and if so is it going to be positive or negative?  How can you protect what you already have?

What you need to capture a unicorn

I’ve put this last, as it’s usually considered last.  Assuming all the other considerations go swimmingly, you may well find you have negotiated a situation in which you have reduced your potential unicorn pool to practically zero.  Though the wishes for yourself, your partner and your relationship may be the foremost considerations in your own mind, they are of no benefit or relevance to her.  It is at this point, you may find you have to go back to the drawing board, and establish whether what you have to offer her is really of any interest.  ‘A chance to play about with me and my missus for hot sex’ really isn’t going to cut it.  Oddly, your girlfriend, who may be really up for the notion of playing as the primary female, is likely to completely forget how she herself would have responded in the shoes of a single female to that same offer.  If you are looking for an ongoing relationship or friendship with an intended unicorn, treat her that way.  If you are looking to hunt her down for one off sex and show off your sexual prowess as a couple, you’re going to have to show her you are both really something special.

Having considered these angles, and formulated in your own mind whether this is something that could work for you, your partner, your relationship and indeed the reality of finding your spare F, you come to the point of deciding how best to go about the first steps.  There is nothing wrong with deciding not to proceed.  It’s not obligatory to have a threesome, now or ever.  In fact, if you are trying to do it for the wrong reasons, even if you succeed in ticking the box, it’s going to be a shambles.  For you, it may be best to remain a fantasy.  You and your partner may enjoy watching threesome porn, talking about what it would be like with each other, reading erotic fiction about it.  Nothing spoils a nice fantasy like a healthy dose of reality.  You’ve been warned.  You may be quite happy to use the concept as arousal material without ever doing it for real.  And that is okay.

So what methods can you use to raise the threesome question with your partner?

a) Extremely casually and indirectly

Talk about your individual sexual fantasies.  Play a couples card game with a truth or dare theme. Watch a documentary about swinging.  Read an article about it.  Discuss friends you know who swing (I guarantee you, you will have some who do, whether or not you realise it).  Ask her opinion on it.  Don’t let your fear of how she might respond come across as a negative attitude to it, or she will follow your lead and say what she thinks you expect her to.  Discuss it as an interesting social phenomenon.  The history of monogamy and multiple partners.  The difference between sex and love.  The nature of bisexuality in women.  Is it something she has ever experienced?  Thought about?  You are going to have to take cues from how she responds to direct your angle appropriately. It may be better to bring it up again at another time, or drop it for good.  If that’s the case, you’ll need to consider what it is you value more at present.   If she is honest, avoid being resentful.  After all, you asked her opinion.  She may have not considered it before, or thought you wouldn’t be interested.  She may take some time and change her mind in the future, if she has an idea that it’s something you might have a casual, non-threatening interest in trying.  After all, if a woman loves you, she wants to do things for you to make you happy.

b) Straight up and direct

It may be that you have a very open, honest dynamic already, or that you are very much used to taking the lead in your relationship, including sexually.  If this is the case, you are going to have a relatively easy time in directing her to what you are hoping to try next. In some ways, this can be quite freeing for the woman- she is spared any sense that she will be judged for what she does- after all, it was all your idea.  In this format, be careful to be specific about what it is you do and don’t want.  For example, you may say you don’t want her to have sex with any other men (limiting your own frolics with full-swap couples too) or that you want to take her to a sex party and just be together with each other, in a sexy environment.  If you are clear about the limits of what you want at the moment, it will be less worrying for her.  Most women have at least a small element of jealousy and insecurity inside them, that you don’t want to trigger.  It is not unknown for men to go off with a unicorn they shared with their partner and start a new relationship. She will intuitively be aware of this.  If you start out with something simple and non-threatening, you can always discuss going further another time, after you have both had a little experience of the scene and opportunity to process your feelings about it.

c) Make it about her

This really isn’t going to work unless she has at least a little bit of sexual curiosity and some latent bisexual leanings.  It’s a tad manipulative, and if your girlfriend isn’t game for it in herself, it’s going to backfire.  In this mode, you present yourself as really wanting to go further to please her.  To worship her sexually.  To help her fulfil her own fantasies.  Be warned, she may end up wanting something you didn’t intend, like a cuckold situation or a threesome with 2 men.  If this is the case, there’s not much you can do about it.  Pandora’s box is open, and you asked for it.  Whatever you do, don’t try to mix this approach with approach D, or it will come off as horribly insincere and she will think you are a manipulative, lying dickhead.

d) Play her

If you have a relationship where your woman is a bit insecure, you can use this to your advantage.  I’m not recommending this method because:

i) You need to work on your relationship first, and swinging will likely break it apart

ii) She’s likely to go along with it without wanting to, which will cause her pain, and the unicorns will sense her reticence, which will put them off

iii) There’s enough sociopathic behaviour on the scene already.

iv) There’s potential for drama creation when it comes to the meet/party, and I hate drama.

Nonetheless, here’s how you do it.  You use a little reverse psychology.  Bring up the issue of threesomes and how sexually hot it is, but that’s okay that she’s not that kind of girl. She’s a ‘nice girl’.  It’s a shame you won’t get to have one while you’re with her, but that’s OKAY, as she has some other qualities.  Like being a good cook.  Being organised.  It’s OKAY that you guys will never be Bonnie and Clyde, out hunting women together and having that fun, exciting sexual connection together.  Sometimes you have to trade off having fun sex for a relaxing home life.

Obviously, she will immediately object to being cast as a matronly, non-sexual archetype, and seek to prove you wrong- that she can, indeed, be all the things you want and more. Because that, my baby ducklings, is what women do.  They want to be your everything. Your friend, your hot lover, your solace, your domestic Goddess.  They want you to be all things to them as well.  Basically, she will do it in order to prove herself, and because she doesn’t want to lose you.  Longer term, this will actually probably lead you to lose all respect for her and go elsewhere anyway, but this isn’t a tutorial on relationships.

Other options

If you really don’t feel like you can raise the issue any of these ways, or you do it and your partner is not up for it, you need to consider how important achieving a threesome is to you.  If it really is do or die, then you are going to have to do one of the following:

a) Cheat.

Yup.  Of the many ‘single guys’ on the scene, a lot of them are playing without permission.  If this seems a step to far and your missus is understanding but not remotely bi, then you may be able to get her to agree to giving you a hall pass.  This might be for a week or month, or indefinitely.  There are likely to be conditions attached to it, as to what you may and may not do without her.  If you violate these terms, it really is just the same as cheating (in her eyes), so be careful to what you agree to and make sure it’s realistic.  By imposing terms, it allows her to feel a sense of control about what is happening, and compartmentalise it.  If you violate the terms, she will feel not only cheated on, but that you broke the rules WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO DO SO. Somehow, that is actually worse.

b) Break up

If your sexual tastes are really so very different, then you need to consider that this is an aspect of incompatibility that is unlikely to change, however well suited you might feel you are otherwise.  If anything, the sex will get worse and more boring.  It always does. Breaking up because you want to explore your sexuality does not make you a dickhead. It is a fair and legitimate reason, whatever people might say.  Some journeys, you can take together.  Some, you really can’t.  If you really want to swing with a partner, go on the scene as a single guy and choose a woman who swings.  There are loads of them, most of whom are seeking a long term partner they can swing with, but are happy to ‘try before they buy’.  Short term partnerships can be fun too, and just as intense as anything you’ve encountered in the vanilla world.  Swinging as a single guy is, in many ways, easier than as a couple, provided you make some single female friends.  Treat them nicely and they will be the gatekeeper to a world of adventures for you.  Piss them off and you’ll struggle.  The unicorns are not solitary creatures; when you meet one, you meet a whole hive of connections.  Bear this in mind.

At the end of the day, you are in the best place to judge how your partner will respond, and what method will work with her.  There is no point resenting her or trying to pressure her into something if it’s not what she wants.  How would you feel if she was trying to pressure you into sex with another man?  Having said that, a great number of women are at least slightly bicurious, and may be happy to say, kiss another woman and stroke her breasts in front of you.  For some reason, a lot of women imagine that performing oral on another woman will be disgusting.  Fortunately, with very few exceptions, it tastes like chicken, and a darn sight better than the taste of cock.  Women are also generally quite understanding that men have a biological drive to conquer and spread their seed – to have sex with different types of women.  No woman believes she can be all of them for you, though she might wish to.  Generally, women are just happy to know that you like her the best, above and beyond all others.  That you find her hot, above and beyond all others.  That she has a special sacrosanct place somewhere in your heart.  They relish the opportunity to fill a new role with you, as your partner in crime having secret sexual adventures together, and being this amazingly fun, sexual being for you.  Your reticence isn’t that you are asking for something unreasonable- it is your fear of asking wrong and upsetting her, or your fear that you are, in at least some small part, doing it just to get guilt-free sex with other women.  The more you can consider things from her perspective and present it as a joint enterprise for you both to enjoy, the better it will go down.  And going down well is always a fine thing indeed. 😉

Time for that chat, Baby Ducklings xx

Image by CDN.Psychologytoday.com

Unicorn interviews 4

Naughty Naturist, over 40, predatory unicorn

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?

Suppose so.

How did your first experience with a couple come to happen?

I have actually never done a couple.  Maybe I don’t count as a unicorn?

Please describe what you enjoy doing.

I like group sex.  Especially when there are more guys than girls.  Best scenario- 3 guys, me and one other girl, or me and 2-3 guys

How do you select which groups to join, or how do you select who to include in yours?

Watch them- see what they are doing and see if it turns me on.  If the action is hot then I’m tempted.  I particularly like a nice hard cock.  Often they are not hard at parties.

How would you approach someone you were keen to play with?

Sometimes just move closer and use body language until they invite me- or sometimes just ask directly.

How do you like to be approached?

Eye contact, beckoned over or directly asked.  I wouldn’t agree until I saw them in action; I don’t do pre-arranged, as I only know if there will be chemistry when I see it.

Apart from a hard cock, what would make you select somebody you saw?

Decent body, energy, passion – like they are really into it and not just playing about or showing off.  Girls often fake enjoyment.  Guys too.

If a guy has come to an event as a single, how could he win your attention?  Would he need to be having sex with another girl first?

I don’t like surprises so I’d like to see the action first ideally.  Although I have made exceptions now and again for particularly attractive men.

Have you ever had a man or couple decline when you asked to join?

Once I think- a guy said no because his wife didn’t agree to me having him.  That’s the only time I can remember.  Probably because I only wanted him, not her.

You said you don’t do couples, but you do at parties, is that right?

I haven’t ever.  Only singles in groups.

Um.  I’ve seen you.

Who?

At KK – the 18 year olds.  He fired cum all over you.

Oh yes! Forgot about them.  And that posh couple at TK.

Plus that hipster and his girlfriend, where you kept talking about (removed) until he went soft.

Oh yeah, haha.  OK with couples they need to both be relaxed and totally open.  And equally hot.  There’s often a disparity – hot woman with not so hot guy.

Why do you think that is?

Dunno Really.  Fewer attractive men around?  Women care less about looks?

Do you usually play with both of a couple or just the man?

Depends.  With the posh couple I went down on her while he fucked me, then I gave him a BJ while she played with me.

What are the worst approaches you’ve had?

Uninvited touching/grabbing.  Just because I’m naked, doesn’t mean you can touch me.  And just because I’m at a sex party, doesn’t mean I want to fuck you.  Cheesy chat up lines are equally horrible- too many OTT compliments are a turn off.

What is it about group sex that you really enjoy?

The variety, the chemistry, bodies moving together, giving and getting pleasure.  Exciting visual stimulation, too.

How do you think other women feel about you?

Well, hmm.  I have been called a ‘boner stealer’. Ha ha.  I do aim to get what I want, so I guess some see me as quite selfish.

Do you see yourself as more predator than prey?

Yep.  I want it my way or it’s no way.

Would you advise ‘unicorning’ to other women?

Only if they are in it 100% for their own pleasure and sexual development – not as a stop gap until they find a real boyfriend, and definitely not if they think they will find a partner on the scene.

Do you find it empowering?

Absolutely.  I’m in it for me- totally.

What do you feel you have learned since you first started?  How has your view changed?

Blimey, loads.  My view of men has changed a lot.  Most of the guys I’ve had sex with at parties are totally respectful and willing to please – they get that women are in control here.  I did think there would be a lot of sleazy guys who couldn’t get sex anywhere else, but that’s not true.  Most just want hot sex with willing partners.  They often can’t find women who will be adventurous outside of the scene.

What do you imagine as your fairytale ending?

There are no fairytale endings.  What would anyone want to end up stuck up in a castle with a prince for?

Do you think any woman would be justified in being fearful for her relationship if she and/or her partner had sex with you?

Not if it was at a party or event – it’s a safe space for exploring.  I’ve heard of some guys in couples seeing women privately – I wouldn’t do that.  I go to parties looking for fun and hot sex – not a husband.

Please tell me a story of a really fun experience you’ve had.

I went to Cap D’Ague and had amazing fun at a pool party.  Three hot guys sitting on the edge of the pool- I swam over and started sucking him.  The other two join in, one fucking me from behind. Then I suck each of the other two in turn.  Had loads of exciting experiences at Cap.  Ended up with a girl joining in too and we had a session on the sunbeds.

What events and venues do you feel would be most suitable for single guys or couples looking to try their first MFF?

KK (Killing Kittens).  Comfortable environment, usually friendly people and the staff are really helpful too.  Usually a few new people too.

What advice would you give to anyone looking to explore sexually with MFF and/or group sex?

Go to parties, then you will meet people to connect with.  Be friendly with everyone- it’s not just about sex.

Do you feel that there are any myths about sex parties?  What have you found to be untrue?

Not everyone will want to have sex with you.  The women are not free whores.

Do you ever worry about meeting someone from your outside life on the scene?

No, because if they were there then we are both doing the same thing so what’s the issue?

Do you feel sex parties and swinging fit in with feminist ideals?

Totally.  It’s about what I want to do on equal terms with men.  I feel sexually equal at sex parties – I don’t have to pretend to be the stereotype of a girl who is ‘hard to get’ or is ‘prey’ for a man.

Do you think you are perceived differently from ‘vanilla’ women?

Yes- I think men on the scene would not consider me as a girlfriend as I am too equal sexually.  Men don’t want that in a partner usually.  There is a double standard, that’s for sure.  Guys are ‘meant’ to explore and want sex with more than one woman at a time.  It’s not seen as ‘usual’ for women to enjoy group sex with more than one guy.

If a man were to take a shine to you, what would it take for him to tie you down?

Rope.

Ha ha.

I don’t tend to see any of the guys I have sex with at parties outside of parties, so the opportunity to get to know them or ‘fall for them’ never arises.

Any final words of advice for those new to the scene?

Just relax and see what happens.  You’ll soon see what sort of things you’re attracted to. And if not, you’ve lost nothing.

 

 

 

 

* image by @joannathangiah

Tainted horn and bareback heart: who is exterminating the unicorns?

It is easy to see by the numbers.  Men and women exist in ratios of approximately 50:50, yet on the swing scene, you have lots of couples and lots of single guys.  Where are all the women?

Even if we assume a large proportion of the ‘single’ guys on the scene are not really single, but discretely playing away (which is true), it still doesn’t account for the disparity.  Is it that men like sex more than women?  Society tell us so, but it’s not really the case.  Where do the unicorns go?  Fact is, they come, they explore, and nine times out of ten they leave – not enlightened and emancipated as one might hope, but bitter, broken and disillusioned.  What is happening to them that makes their experience so different from the couples and the single men?

I’m going to digress a little, but why will come clear in the end.  It’s time to have ‘the talk’. Just the once.  Then, armed with a complete set of facts, you may do whatever you see fit.

  1. Anyone can catch an STI.  Whether you have sex with one partner protected, or 100 bareback.  Nothing is foolproof.  The odds might be different, but everything in life is a risk.  You might even sit in a mysterious wet patch at a party and end up with gonorrhoea.  The stigma associated with STI’s is not about risk- it is about our prudish attitude to sex as a society.  I’ve yet to see someone being tutted at and told they should be more careful if they get food poisoning because they like to eat out at different restaurants.
  2. Condoms do not give 100% protection against anything, and give very little protection against many things.  They work best at preventing pregnancy and HIV. They are very poor at protecting against gonorrhoea, chlamydia, genital warts (HPV) and herpes.
  3. Blow jobs do count.  Sorry Mr. President.  There are treatment-resistant strains of gonorrhoea going around, largely being passed by oral sex.  They recommend you rubber up for oral as well, though anyone who has tried this will find their technique very much impaired in its effectiveness, and, if you are unfortunate, the victim of a near fatal choking incident when the condom comes off and decides to lodge in your windpipe while doing deep throat.  As far as I know, science has yet to resolve this disparity.
  4. You can get stuff from girl to girl and ‘not full sex’.  Though some things, like HIV, die fairly quickly outside the body, others can last for hours on body fluids.  The saying, ‘goes like the clappers’ exists for a reason.  Some conditions give people few or no symptoms.  Herpes can be spread by contact with the buttocks or inner thighs.  The person may be a carrier and never even had an outbreak (though this is less likely, it’s still possible).  If they know they have it, they may well not tell you. Non-fatal STI carriers are not required by law to tell their prospective sexual partners.  It’s treatable but not curable.  What you might consider low risk activity, like gentle touching and foreplay, becomes high risk in a larger group.  I’ve yet to see a long queue for the sinks where people are washing their hands between gropings.  I’ve seen men use the same condom on two women, switching between them.  I’ve seen men slip a condom off (stealthing) and carry on. This probably makes any event sound like an overwhelming free-for-all of bonobo chimp people, but you won’t notice.  You will be swept away by the glamour and the luxury, the exquisite sensation of soft hands all over you, drifting you away in a dream world of pleasure.  So you need to arm yourself with knowledge.
  5. Get checked.  A lot.  Not just for yourself, but for everyone who isn’t involved.  The wife at home who doesn’t know her husband was out, quietly sat expecting their first baby.  Want to see what congenital syphilis looks like?  Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/creepy/comments/5kpnc1/congenital_syphilis/?ref=share&ref_source=link   Shocked you enough yet?  That’s a little kid.  Don’t be responsible for that.
  6. Even if you get tested every week, you can’t be sure you don’t have something. There are dormant periods for the different STIs in which they can’t usually be detected.  There are false negatives.  There are periods of overlap.  They also don’t test for herpes or genital warts.  They wont swab your throat or anus unless you specifically tell them you meet the criteria to be high risk.  So someone showing you a clean report, taken that day, really means nothing.  It slants the odds slightly in your favour, that is all. Furthermore, most clinics don’t do the swabs themselves or do a visual check.  They will hand you a cotton bud and get you to do it yourself. Whatever someone tells you, or whatever they think they know about it, arm yourself with the truth.  It won’t protect you all the time, but if you fall foul of fate when you’ve stacked the odds in your favour as best you can, at least you won’t feel like giving yourself a massive kick in your own butt.
  7. Get vaccinated.  Hepatitis B is preventable with a course of 3 vaccines.  If you have it, it’s too late and it’s not curable.  It’s free, it’s easy to get.  It’s a no-brainer.  The world eagerly awaits the day you can vaccinate for everything else.
  8. Get treated.  When you catch something, get treated straight away.  Follow the treatment exactly, and stay away from any sexual contact until your follow up test has come back with the all-clear.  Depending where you live, this may put you out of action for over a month in total.  Not nice.  No choice.
  9. Use condoms.  They may not be 100%, but they are a lot better than 0%.  Show you respect yourself and your playmates by bringing ones you like, in a variety of sizes, and get them out early in play, ready to go.  you can get a wider selection at good prices if you order online.  Not that buying 6 boxes at once in the supermarket isn’t fun.
  10. Women, use an additional back-up method of contraception, if you are fertile.  Even if you rather fancy the idea of raising a child alone, no kid deserves ‘one of 10, probably’ on their birth certificate.  At some point, any kid is going to have at least an idle curiosity about where half their DNA came from; they will be thankful if you could narrow it down a bit.  Condoms break, idle fingers with fluids get places – just best to have back up, whatever you think your actions are going to be when you first start out.  Things change in the heat of the moment.  In certain situations, there’s an awful lot more heat than you expect.

Lecture over.  Not that it is a lecture.  It’s the world we live in.  There’s no point pretending things are how we wish they were.  Some things we can overcome, and some we can just do our best to work around.  Wishing on a star never stopped anyone from catching the clap.  Sorry Disney.

Looking back to the start of this, one might wonder if I’m suggesting all the unicorns have left the scene through being struck down with STIs.

No, though it happens to a few that way I’m sure.  What kills the unicorns off?  What is the touch of their horn that brings them death and destroys their magic?  It’s you.

Just kidding, it’s not you.  They do it to themselves.  Your fresh, new unicorn, at the start of her journey, is, in a sense, very much an innocent.  No doubt she thinks she has sexual prowess, she thinks she’s got game.  She sees herself as wild and sexy and free and liberated, enjoying her power and her rare, semi-magical status.  She is sought after, desired, valued.  What destroys her is they way she will lose the innocence she did not know she still had.

For ladies, much as I adore you, my God but you can be stupid.  You wrap your views in fantasies of how you want the world to be, and act on your daydreams.  You treat the scene as try before you buy, but nobody else does this or knows it’s what you are doing. No-one but the other daydreaming unicorns, too wrapped up in their own denial to tell you the Emperor has no clothes on. You will find a guy you like, head dizzy with the chemistry of good sex, and you will hold your head high, ready to be his prize; all set to move your role to that of the primary female, hunting together.  You will let him bareback you, groin and heart, feeling that this makes you special- that it’s more intimate- that it shows you have more value to him than all the others.  For you have finally found your worthy match- the man you can be both sexual and respected self with: your hunting mate and your protector.  The pinnacle of your quiet expectations from the start.

But the Emperor has no clothes on.  When you become bareback partner to a man who is not monogamous to you, however he might dress it up, and whatever he says, he is disrespecting you.  Rather than sharing a special intimacy, he is showing you that he cares about you so little he is willing to put his pleasure before protecting you from whatever he is going to give you.  He will give you something, sooner or later.  And the moment you need him for anything real, he won’t be there.  Because he never signed up for that, and he told you so all along.  Silly little unicorn.

So now, heartbroken and discarded, what does our poor unicorn do?  She does what she does best.  She anaesthetises herself with pleasure.  She dresses herself up in daydreams and looks to prove how valuable she is, with someone else.  She lifts the crown of adoration from her knight in shining armour-turned-villain, and sets it straight on the head of another, with whom she will try that much harder.  Harder to impress, harder to win over.  Harder to demonstrate her value to.  But she comes with unresolved baggage. She will screw it up, because she has learned not to trust.  Her new beloved is not new- he is wearing the shoes of her former love.  The role has been re-cast, but the play doesn’t change.  And so descends the unicorn, into a spiral of endless repeats, until her spirit is crushed utterly and she leaves.

Or.

She can change.  She can decide that the daydream she initially sought is something she has outgrown, with experience.  It can happen at 18, it could happen at 80.  For many, it never happens at all.  But the trajectory from innocent to broken unicorn, resentful and insecure, is never cured by repeating the same cycle.  Hurts can never be undone, scars will never heal if they are endlessly torn open and refashioned.  Rather, she can have a moment of clarity.  This is where your experienced unicorns split in 3 new ways:

  1. The endless repeater.  She will make drama that makes no sense to you.  She is stuck in a circle of hell, forever recreating and trying to make sense of a host of experiences that have left her damaged.
  2. The escapee.  She will set down rules for you that, in effect, make her no longer a unicorn.  She has drawn lines in the sand of exactly what she will and won’t tolerate.  She has built a new castle around herself, and is protected by it.
  3. The driftwood. She has let go of the notion of ever fixing what is broken, and found her focus elsewhere, somehow.  What you do, or don’t do, no longer matters to her. She doesn’t take you seriously.  She will entertain you when it amuses her to do so, secure in the knowledge that you were never a prince in disguise anyway.

These unicorns don’t sound so fun for sex anymore, do they?  They sound kind of hard work?  No wonder everyone likes a fresh new unicorn, full of hope and laughter and light spirit.  Give them 1 to 2 years.  That’s the lifespan of that.  Until they learn that being sexually desirable and respectable are mutually exclusive in the eyes of all but their own kind.  That being said, every journey is unique.  Consider carefully where on the journey your intended unicorn is, and you will understand what you need to give her to get what you want.

The silver bullet: How to fool a unicorn

I’ve talked about insights into the unicorn mind.  I’ve given little tips, I’ve quoted some general strategy.  Here is where I tell you how to take down the hard to capture unicorn. Executed correctly, it is ruthlessly effective.  It is also, in its whole, though not necessarily its parts, very dishonest.  This is the strategy for the couple who are all about the hunt. For whom the intellectual and primal challenge are the motivator, rather than necessarily the end product.  It is completely unethical in its construction, yet if done right, everyone goes away happier than any other strategy I know of.  Sorry, my unicorns, here is where I expose your Achilles’ heel.

Why would I do this?  There are a few reasons.  I’ve set out to teach you what I know, and I know this works.  It is also already a strategy that is widely used, yet poorly pulled off. If you do it wrong, you will do people damage.  So rather than have you blunder into it, I will tell you how to do it right.  If we base ethics on outcomes, rather than actions, it is a virtuous strategy.  I’ve had it tried on me many times, but poorly done.  Done right, it will take down anything from a novice to an experienced and wary unicorn.  Even me.  There is another reason; I’m not always a very nice person.  Not any more.

Let’s get evil.

To do this effectively, here is what you need:

You and your partner must be a relatively attractive heterosexual couple, who are both intent on this goal.

You and your partner must trust each other completely, and have a relationship in which your connection is not based primarily on sexual monogamy.  This is important.  If you think you can work around this step, it will all go disastrously wrong.

You need to temporarily hide your couples account and presence online.

You will need to make separate online accounts as singles.  Feel free to block the single males from messaging, and even couples.  They are not your targets.  This is a focused hunt.

In your online profiles, you will have attractive pictures and you will need to cultivate some friends, verifications, etc. depending on the platform you are using, so you appear genuine and legit.  This isn’t all that hard to do.  You can even verify each other, yet you will need at least a few others to disguise this or you will rapidly be found out.

In your profile, talk about how you are looking to find someone to explore with and your interest in finding MFF.  Say you are not after a one nighter, nor a relationship.  Say you are looking for a partner in crime.  Extol your personal virtues as you usually would.

Together, identify targets you both agree on.

Separately, message the same targets.  Try to stagger it a bit.  Talk to them and get to find out their situation, level of experience and what they are looking for.  Key phrases that are useful to the male in finding a target are ‘single’, ‘looking for fun’, ‘bisexual’ and anything showing a wish to explore, an adventurous side or an indication that they might enjoy an intellectual challenge or the role of the predator, rather than prey.  You are seeking the somewhat disillusioned yet hopeful.  The single girl who is still on a sex site, yet gives a slight hint she might want something more.  Red flags to avoid are ‘passion’, ‘intense’, or any hint that she is trying to set up a specific fantasy for herself or a relationship. You are not going to become their boyfriend.  You do not want drama. This is more important than how they look.

The woman of the couple is going to take a slightly different approach.  She is looking for a girl who is a little lonely or lost.  Someone without a wide circle of friends on the scene. From the perspective of your female partner, the main thing she has to avoid is time-wasters and girls who are doing the same thing.  If a target talks fairly quickly about having a threesome with a guy- she thinks she knows someone- cross her off your list. She’s trying to use the silver bullet on your girlfriend.  There are a lot of these- perhaps 50% of the ‘single’ girls who will chat to her, maybe more.  Girls who say they haven’t met yet, are shy, or just want to send loads of nudes are mainly fantasists who will never meet her.

Share what you learn about your targets with your partner and discuss extensively.  You are a team, right?  That’s the fun, right?

After chatting for a couple of days, arrange a meet.  NOT both of you.  Give no hint that there is a partner in the background.  You both just say you have a few casual playmates, that you are looking for someone to explore with.  Whoever is having the best luck with her arranges a meet.  Go somewhere nice for a coffee or a drink.  Make eye contact, smile, just be friendly.  No sex.  This is about bonding.  After you’ve met, say she seemed really fun and different, and that you’d like to meet again.  Try to arrange for about a week later.

At the second meeting, you go into what you are looking for sexually more.  You flirt more.  You may or may not have sex at the end of this date, depending on how it goes and the circumstances.  You and your partner must be incomplete agreement that this is allowed.  Have another date if you need to afterwards.  The more the better, to a certain extent.   When you talk, make yourself sound like a sexual explorer looking for a companion.  Looking to be a team.  Talk about how you are just setting out on this journey of exploration, and you need people in your life who will help you accomplish your goals, not hold you back. When you have sex, make it passionate and make it good. Focus on her needs.  At this point you have bonded adequately to go to the next step.  If it is your partner who has the sex, do not be resentful or distrusting.  They are doing the work you have agreed on to achieve your mutual goal.  If you try to skip this step, it will not work.

Now, you ramp up the threesome aspect with your unicorn, who will believe she is a) your female primary, if you are the man, or b) your close affectionate sexy female friend, if you are the woman.  Talk about how great it was and how you really want to do this together.  Now comes the beauty of the ruse- you make her hunt your partner.  Talk about how fun it would be to do together.  Ask her advice and opinions on how to find somebody.  Ask her for her suggestions.  At no point is she to know she is not the driving force in making this happen.  By this point she will be set on impressing you with her skills and abilities in satisfying your threesome goal.  After turning down her suggestions (gently, possibly after talking to them and saying you didn’t feel the vibe, she was so much sexier than any of them, etc.) introduce a little list of your own for her to consider. Pick a card, any card.  But you are going to force her to choose the one you want.  This requires time, patience, and delicate footwork.  Perhaps the others are less attractive in their pictures.  Or maybe one she takes a shine to is away for the next few months.  You are going to be very careful in your description of your actual partner.

If you are the man, you are going to describe your partner as an old friend that you hardly ever see who is a good laugh.  More like a sister, but she’s a bit of a wild one and she’s in town for the next couple of months.  If you are the female, you are going to describe your partner as a hot guy you know- not boyfriend material but mellow and fun and always up for some sex.

By playing down the dynamic while extolling their suitability for the role of unicorn/male sex toy in your threesome, they become less of a threat to the bonding the unicorn perceives they have with you.  You need to tread so softly- force too hard and the game is up.  Next you give them all the power.  Give them your partner’s details and say as you know them you don’t feel right in asking.  Could your unicorn chat to them and see if they got on?  Maybe suggest the threesome if they like each other?  You are SURE they will fancy the unicorn- who wouldn’t?  You are now operating as two singles chatting up the same unicorn.  As far as the unicorn knows, she is entirely in the driving seat.  You can toy with her and make her work to convince you both to do it!  To an extent, the more you play hard to get the more she will push to make it happen- her self esteem and her sexual prowess are at stake.  She doesn’t want to let you down.  She wants to prove she can do this.  She will enjoy the thrill of the hunt as much as you do.

When the three of you meet, remember to play down your connection to each other.  Let the unicorn be in charge, and never make her feel left out.  You and your partner secretly know you have pulled this off together by stealth, but she never will.  Everyone goes home feeling powerful and clever.  You never have sex solo with your unicorn again, but the three of you may be able to meet again.  At this point, especially if the unicorn seems to be getting to like you, it is time to manage her involvement, unless you plan on becoming a poly triad (which can work, but that’s a whole different game.  Your triad is based on dishonesty, which you won’t be able to hide forever).  Perhaps you are called away to work overseas, or you decide you want to try a gay threesome, or something on your journey she can’t be a part of.  She will be disappointed, if she has become attached, but she won’t feel bad about it.  They key is to nip it in the bud at the appropriate time, and that is not something I can tell you how or when to do to avoid drama.  Earlier rather than later is best- don’t let a sense of awkwardness or not wanting to hurt her feelings make it worse for her later.  You owe her that much at least.

She may not become attached at all.  Most people don’t, especially if you have managed her expectations throughout, without relying on that old fallback of romance and getting her daydreaming to achieve your goal.  If you mess this part up, don’t blame me.  The execution is all your doing.  You want her to trust you and to have a threesome with you, not start to fall in love with either of you.  If you resort to those tactics, whether male or female, you are being a dick.  Ideally, you want this to be a part of her journey, which she sees herself moving on and developing from, without either of you.  If you have manipulated her in the right way throughout, she will exit as smoothly as she entered. She will view herself as a hunter- a skilled, sexy woman who has achieved her goal. Only you and your partner know differently.  This is a bonding secret the two of you must take to the grave.  Say what you like about love and sex, there is no intimacy like a shared dark secret.  Especially not monogamy.

Congratulations, you are both now terrifyingly effective predators.

Image by http://jasper-19.deviantart.com/art/Captured-Unicorn-348618317

The Unicorn and the Red Bull

Source: Urban Dictionary: Old Bull

There is a cartoon from the 80’s, known as ‘The Last Unicorn’, which, to watch it now, seems like a strange hybrid of Manga, My Little Pony and New Romantic aestheticism.
In this tale, the unicorns have been chased into the sea by the ‘Red Bull’ (spoiler alert), leaving just one, who sets out to find them.  In the process, she is ‘cursed’ to become a human woman to hide from the bull, where she falls in love, and has to choose between a mortal life with love, and the magical life of a unicorn, without.  She can live as a unicorn, as long as she is not alone- as long as she has the other unicorns by her side.  In a sense, this blog series was already written in 1982.
The parallels and metaphors of the Red Bull are so obvious, that little explanation is needed. If you rush things; if you make your lust for sex a thing that is to be feared, that is not controllable, your unicorns will flee from you.  Be like the old bull, not like the Red Bull. Take your time.  Build their trust.  Walk down the hill slowly, and fuck them all.

Nothing but the horn: Unicorn stereotyping

Everyone’s guilty of making assumptions at some time….judgement is human nature, it’s a survival tactic…so you can’t be too hard on people about it…just put them right when they make an assumption of you, if you care enough to…mostly I don’t care enough about other people’s opinions of me…the time I care is when I actually care about the person making the assumption.

Miss Genie, 30’s, sexually liberated woman

 

As humans, we rely on our ability to spot patterns and use them to interpret the world around us.  The more we are exposed to a certain collection of information, the more our brains are able to find this pattern and give meaning to it, from the face of Jesus on our toast, to shapes in clouds, to the interpretation of what other people think and feel from a small series of cues.  Our minds learn to block out the anomalies- the pieces of data which don’t fit the patterns we are used to, so that we can rapidly process and forget that which is not useful to us and our survival.  The inability to block and filter this constant flow is what leads to difficulties for people on the autistic spectrum.  The over-reliance on blocking and filtering is what leads to bigotry, stereotyping and closed-mindedness.

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, not cock and ball torture, in this case) is a technique which attempts to re-programme our responses to cues, by examining other routes the information could take in our minds, to lead to a happier state of being.  For example, if you see two girls look at you and giggle to each other, what do you assume?  If you have a series of negative experiences and associations, or low self esteem, you may think they are laughing at how your ears stick out.  A different person might assume they were checking you out, and making suggestive comments to each other as they found you attractive.  Same cues, different interpretation.

The more you are exposed to sets of information as a pattern and their associations, the more entrenched your responses become.  With regard to threesomes, unicorns and bisexual females, unfortunately for the novice, your prior information set for pattern recognition and response is likely to be largely limited to erotic fiction and pornography. This is about as useful to you in the real world as Game of Thrones is to your understanding of historical events.  It is fiction.  It is simplified, reductive, and designed to elicit a response in you that will guarantee the highest likelihood of your continued consumption of the material produced.  It is aimed at the reward centres in your brain. It is a non-pharmaceutical drug, hooking you on your own biochemistry to create a mild addiction. If you want to up your game, to hit those same reward centres in real life, you need to be aware that your understanding so far is not entirely on target.

It is not entirely your fault.  Through an age old patriarchal society’s rules, your exposure to the real thing is limited.  It is secret, mysterious, forbidden.  Participants are fetishized. Yet is the fetishistic nature in your own mind that holds the key to both your pleasure by partaking, and your fall-flat mistakes in obtaining your goal.  I am going to tell you a list of things that are simply untrue.  Sorry to burst your bubble.

  1. Unicorns are more highly sexual than anyone else.  They are always at it, because they just love sex.  It’s what they are all about.
  2. Bisexual women always have sex with all the other bisexual women they know
  3. Bisexual women have sex with other bisexual friends whenever they see each other.  Most of the time, anyway.
  4. Whenever bisexual women get together, whatever the event, there is always some element of sex involved somewhere.  If not, they are thinking about it.
  5. Bisexual women are all up for MFF – it’s the best of both world’s right?
  6. Bisexual women should be flattered you have approached them for MFF.  It’s two for one?  What’s not to like?  They said they are bisexual?
  7. Unicorns like to be treated like a sex object.  They all always enjoy the attention of both of you at once.  They enjoy being hunted down.
  8. Unicorns are so busy with their sexual freedoms, they are just having sex all the time.  They consider this their main identity and don’t need or want to be considered as anything other than their sexual self.  That would bore them and turn them off.
  9. All single girls with bisexual tendencies or curiosities will enjoy an MFF
  10. All bisexual girls who enjoy MFF should be happy to partake in one with couples
  11. All unicorns who enjoy MFF with couples enjoy being the passive party in the selection, arrangements and event
  12. Unicorns are just slags.  If they weren’t happy to be considered sex objects, they would just go get a boyfriend.  They would never make girlfriend material, and they would certainly never want to be.
  13. A bisexual woman could never be satisfied with just one person in a relationship. They have to be unicorns, as they are so sexually charged that they would cheat on anyone, of either gender.
  14. There’s a strategy you can use that will work on all unicorns, infallibly.  They all want the same thing so the same rules apply

Doesn’t sound much like the depictions you’ve seen in porn and the wider media, does it? The truth is that unicorns in general see themselves and the things they do, not as a fixed identity, but as a part of their personal journey.  A path they explore, trying to understand themselves, life, relationships and in some cases work through previous hurts or anaesthetise themselves to that which they don’t want to feel.  If one has sex with you, you may well not hear from her again.  Yes, my baby ducklings, sometimes it is the unicorn who is using you.  There are always exceptions.  There are a million different stories and motivations, and every path is different.  If you want to catch a unicorn, you do not need to be a hunter.  You need to be a unicorn whisperer.

Unicorn interviews: 2

Miss T, 30, young flirtatious deviant on the scene for 2 years, party organiser for 1 year

Please tell me about how one of your early MFF threesomes came to happen?

Well, I was out with a girl I met at my hostel and we went to get a drink.  We found a bar and we are facing the marina, and two cute boys passed and they ended up coming into the same bar.  We giggled a while and then went to chat to them (I initiated) and we all went to the next bar.  We ended up dancing and I was getting along with the cute one of the two really well.  As the night progressed, my friend came up and asked me if she could join us tonight.  I was like, ‘okay, sure,’ not really thinking much of it.

All four of us ended up heading back to their hotel room  His mate was getting annoying trying to get in on the action, so when we got back to the hotel we asked the cute one to get rid of his mate, as we wanted to spoil him with a threesome.

How did you feel about it during and after?

Kind of annoyed that the other girl was there as she wasn’t into the full experience as much as I was, and I wanted the guy to myself.

How do you feel it should have gone?

To be honest I’m not sure; I just thought if she asked to be involved then she would have been more into it, rather than just him really.

How to you feel:

a) hunting a guy with another girl

b) being the unicorn for a couple, or

c) being the female in a couple and picking up another girl

compare?  Which do you prefer, and why?

Hmm.  A for sure. Then you have the control rather than being the meat that’s being chased, or the bait to lure someone else in.

How do you feel about couples who contact you as a potential playmate?

Like a play toy.  Like you are just there to satisfy them and they don’t really care about your needs.  It’s rare to find a couple that either want to please you, or…actually give a shit about what you want to get out of it.

What techniques have you used that worked best to find a single girl to share with a male partner or playmate?

Hmm. I never found a female to play with anyone.  The only female, I got friendly with, and we ended up good friends instead!

What advice would you give to a couple looking to pick up a single girl?

In terms of advice, they need to consider the unicorn’s wants and needs and how they can satisfy her first before their needs.

How do you feel your experiences have changed you from when you first started?

I went in blind when I first played with a couple.  Now I’m more wary and will stand my ground with what I want.

Do you think single men and couples see the scene differently to single girls?

Yes, definitely.  They see it more as shopping.

How do you feel about other single girls on the scene?

Good luck to them! Hahahaha.  Happy to be friends with them and give them advice where I can, and team up where I can to turn the tables – give us the advantage.

Any final words of wisdom for couples or single guys hoping to score their first mff?

Words of wisdom, hey? Hmm.  Treat the girls with some decency and respect, and perhaps you’ll get some in return.

 

Unicorn Interviews: 1

Interview with Miss Paradise, 32, open-minded female

 

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?

 

I don’t know what to call myself. I’m very open, I’m a slow burner as well.  I know what I like when I like it, so it could be anything, it could be dominating men, it could be playing with girls, playing with couples, a single guy, it could be having a playmate which is what I’ve got now.  I’ve been playing with someone for over a year.

 

Do you guys pick up single girls together or do you just play together with your playmate?

 

Um, he is open to that but he doesn’t come out -he’s not on any scene, but he’s open. He knows that I dominate, he knows I play with girls, he knows that I’m out on the scene,  but that’s not his priority at the moment. He’s open for me to bring girls back if he wants, but we haven’t done it. We’re exploring and I’ve opened him up to BDSM, so me and him are connecting on that level at the moment.  I don’t know, I have been a unicorn. I was a unicorn when I first came on the scene, because I felt like I was getting the best of both worlds, as getting male and a female and I can also come away from it-  I wasn’t going to get any emotional bullshit attached to that because they’ve got their thing, so I can go in and I can play – we can all sort of play and use each other and I can walk away and it’s just left there. So yeah, I played with a few couples in the past was which I’ve enjoyed.  In fact some of my best experiences have been with couples and the dynamics of that have been different.

 

What would make you choose a couple, because obviously there’s a lot of couples who are seeking a unicorn?

 

The female for me has to be into women properly – not just doing it please your partner or ‘I’m straight but I do it, it’s for fun.’’ It has to feel organic, because that puts me off if I don’t get that feeling, because then it just makes it more intense.  Puts me off if the female just doing it to please the husband ‘cause then it becomes all about him and not about the three of us. I like when the male takes a step back and appreciates the two girls together and he’s quite respectful about it- it’s not like I said before, it’s not all about him.  It’s quite an equal dynamic, but I’ve had threesomes which have totally not worked. I actually fell asleep! Funny story – I was 20 I think. I was 20, 21; I was swinging then. Like, sleeping around and swapping partners and things, and I was seeing a guy on and off and we were very sexual- that’s all it was and then then there was a girl that I started having a bit of a thing with. And me and her went out one night and we bumped into this guy and he invited us back to his house. I got a feeling that he was more into her than me, so they were getting it on and I could just see it and feel the vibes, so I just kind of…. we’d  been smoking weed and stuff as well, but I just kind of sloped off and fell asleep on the side of the bed. They’re trying to nudge me, but I just wasn’t having any of it.  So eventually, after a few more times of those two hooking up, they ended up seeing each other for about 8 or 9 months or something like that. So that was it that wasn’t a great dynamic. I kind of got pushed out so I fell asleep. I’ll always remember that because he always mentions it.  Fell asleep- sorry.

 

It just panned out that way.  But then there was another dynamic with the same guy, who was with an ex-girlfriend.  Me and her were in the pub together and he came to pick me up and me and her were kissing he was like “oh that’s how it is is it?”

 

So we went back to his and he wasn’t interested in her, he was interested in seeing me and her together and then he wanted to sleep with me, but she was more interested in him than me, so it was a bit of a strange dynamic.  That didn’t feel right- it was a bit strange.  Because I remember getting up- we’d made a sort of bed in the front room and I remember getting up to get some water or go to the toilet.  I came back, and she was sort of trying to give him a blowjob or something. I could tell it wasn’t quite there. As soon as I came by he was on me, and then she was kind of ‘Oh I wasn’t interested in you, I want him,’ so that was a strange dynamic.

 

Have you had many times when  a couple has approached you together?

 

I’ve had that a lot at KK, because I’m all over the forum.  I get couples a lot, because I’ve actually put on my profile, ‘Interested in everybody’.  Any request will be considered really. So, a lot.  I do get them, but most of the time I find when they kik me it’s mainly the man rather than the girl. So he’s the driving force and he’s picking who he wants for those two, rather than it being the female – which I don’t think is a bad thing, because generally it’s either one or the other that instigates it. At a KK a party I’ve been approached by couples and I’ve had fun with couples before. In fact I went back with a couple- I went to a couple’s penthouse party and I was approached by the female and he was there-  he watched us and then they invited me back and I ended up staying with them and we all ended up playing. I was the centre of attention actually -they were both pleasuring me, which is quite nice. It was kind of all about me- I was at the centre.  I’ve never experienced that before. Then the female; she was like, II am tired now, I’m going to go to sleep,’ and I was I was in bed with in the middle of them and me and him- he was like, cuddling me. So me and him end up going the front room and playing together without her, which I felt a bit bad about but I thought, ‘Well we’ve all come back together,’ and then I ended up staying the next day.  We ended up eating pizza in bed and listening to music- it was really bizarre. I’ve never done that before, but at least there was this three-way kind of intense thing that we had for a couple of days. I’ve stayed friends with her but not with him, because he kept on trying to meet me on on it on his own and I said, ‘Well I’m going to not come to meet you, I’m coming to meet a couple,’ and I messaged her to let her know. I just said, ‘Look, he’s trying to meet me,’ because I’m-  I am a girl’s girl, I take the girls side more than the guy’s, even if the girl’s is a little bit in the wrong,  it’s still…. I’m more of a girl’s girl –  so.  She didn’t know that he was doing that- he didn’t tell her. But yeah, I’ve stayed friends with her- she’s an escort actually, this girl. Yes she’s cool.  I haven’t spoken to her recently.  So that was a nice time dynamic. I would actually like to experience that again, where I’m the centre of attention.

 

If a couple was going to approach you, what advice would you give them?

 

Have a general chit chat.  Not let it be based around sex and ‘come and meet us in a hotel and see where things..’ I don’t like that approach – ‘well let’s meet up and see if the chemistry is there,’ because instantly they’re basically saying, ‘let’s meet up for sex.’

 

Get to know me and have an experience, rather than just a fuck to tick a fantasy off their list, which is what I don’t want to be, unless I’m in that right frame of mind, I’ve met up with them and it feels right to become that fantasy. Then fair enough, but straight away if you’ve never met, have a little bit of a chit chat.  There’s been a couple of couples that said ‘can we take you out for dinner, can we get to know you better,’ That I like, because they’ve offered to take me out, in a normal, neutral place. They’ve not offered to come round to see me, or go to their house or hotel room- and just to sit and have a chit-chat over food. I think that’s very normal. I kind of like the normal approach, and I can kind of gauge where they’re coming from and and what they would like. Then if anyone feels uncomfortable you can leave as well, because it’s a bar or restaurant or whatever. I like that approach and that is what I would advise: to meet up. Because everybody has to feel comfortable.

 

Is there anything people have done, where they have really ruined their chances?

 

I have a message in my phone. There’s a couple I was chatting to, and then I’ve been busy so I haven’t responded to them and they kept putting question marks, and ‘Hi?’  I’m busy, you’re not on the top of my list. Then I got a message  saying ‘Hi, can we meet and fuck?’ I put ‘fuck off -worst approach ever. Never have I been so turned off. My vagina has sealed itself up.’

Then he put ‘It was a joke, because you never respond.’ Then I put ‘I’m going to block you,’ the other person put ‘cool.’ I put, ‘I don’t respond because I’m NOT INTERESTED.’  Then I left it. They’re pesty anyway. So that is not a good a good way to catch my good side. ‘Can we meet up and fuck?’  No.  No we can’t.

 

Have you ever had a situation where you found yourself becoming more emotionally involved with one or both of a couple than you planned to be when you first met with them?

 

No, I’ve never. I’ve never gone that far. I’ve never done that for with anyone actually with swinging. You create sort of feelings, but not in that light. I want to be with someone, but when you get to know someone you like them, don’t you?  You think, ‘I really like that person,’ but actual emotions like that, no. I can’t do that.  I detach myself because I see it as just swinging.

 

Do you think any women in a couple should ever be worried about you going off with her husband after, or be jealous of you being involved, or made insecure in any way?

 

I don’t think they should be jealous.  If there’s something wrong in their relationship then there would be reason to be jealous of anyone, or if they’ve got issues and insecurities that they’ve not to come to terms with or dealt with, then they shouldn’t be swinging like that. So no, because I wouldn’t take somebody’s husband or the other way around, I wouldn’t go off with the wife. It’s just they’re a couple, we’ve agreed to play together and that’s what it is. I see it for what it is.

 

Do you often find it’s the woman or the man that’s more attractive in the couple, or is it a mixture?  Do you need to be very attracted to both of them?

 

It has to be a mix.  I have to be attracted to both but it doesn’t mean necessarily mean physically.  I’m attracted to people’s energy, so if they’ve both got good energy and they are reasonably attractive, and if there’s a connection, then yeah that’s what I’m attracted to.

 

What’s the best pick-up line you’ve had from a couple?

 

Do you want to fuck?  Ha ha.  ‘Can we take you out for dinner and get to know you?’  I really like because it was just nice- you know, it was like straight away they wanted to sort of make me feel good. They wanted to do something for me, so that’s what I thought. That was quite nice.

 

So you say you’ve moved away from being with couples. What was it in your mind or in your life that you feel took you away from being a unicorn to wanting something different?

 

Because I’ve been playing with somebody for over a year and I’m quite happy having penetrative sex with him. So yeah, I’m quite happy just playing with him at the moment. I don’t see myself as 100% single anymore so that’s why. If I ended up being 100% single again then yeah, I will definitely go back to being open to playing with them.

 

Have you had any couples approach you to just play with one of the two? Or any times where you wanted one and not the other?

 

This takes it a little bit away from swinging. I’ve been asked to dominate a guy who’s in a couple, but the female of the couple is a bit funny about him being dominated by another woman as it’s normally her so, we’ve been talking about it. Then he came up with ‘what if you double dommed with her, on me?’  I said ‘well you’ve approached me,’ and I like his partner but I don’t feel any connection with her whatsoever. There’s nothing – she feels flat to me. I don’t feel her energy at all. There’s nothing there. So how’s that going to work, because how am I going to vibe off you in that situation? So I am more attracted to him than her. That’s a situation I’ve never really had. There’s normally always something about one and the other that makes itself up. But becomes all rounded. So yeah, that’s it at the moment. I had a message a couple of days ago actually so I just said ‘oh, I don’t know, you’ll have to open it up with her see what she thinks and then take it from there.’

 

How do you feel about the couple or the woman setting down ground rules for you?

 

I try and understand where people are coming from and if that’s their approach- if that’s where they’re at at that moment, that that’s their next step, to allow this to happen, because maybe they might be breaking into being completely open with each other. So sometimes I quite like the rules because then you know where you stand. If there’s no rules and it’s a brand new couple and you say- I don’t know- so I gave the guy blowjob or kissed him properly, and she’s like ‘Whoa, that made me feel really uncomfortable,’ then it can change. But if they specifically say, ‘Right, well he can’t kiss you and you can’t finger his bum and they are the rules,’ then you know where you stand. I don’t mind rules, I’m easy either side really.  If it’s a new couple then sometimes it’s better if they do have a few guidelines within their dynamic, because then no one’s going to kick off or the female’s not going to meltdown and start crying, or he’s not gonna go weird.

 

Have you had any cases where that happened?

 

I can’t quite remember what happened but there was one occasion where the woman went a bit funny with me, and it was her idea!  But I can’t quite remember the exact details of it. I do remember something of the woman being really funny, so yeah, maybe once.

 

Is there anything else you think people who are seeking a unicorn should know?

 

You’ve got to know the Unicorn- just get to know them a little bit. Find out what their experiences are: find out what they’re into and then you can build a better dynamic, especially if you’re thinking about seeing somebody on a regular basis.  It’s as well to get to know them. Don’t assume that you are just going to meet up and fuck- that it’s just going to be like this amazing threesome and everyone’s gonna have an amazing time. That will only happen if you if you talk and you get to feel each other out. That’s my advice: get to know her and be interested in her rather than just her pussy.