How to host a sex party? What does it take to move from wide-eyed sex party newbie guest, through mastery of the swing scene, to popular events host with sold-out parties every time? They say, with all things, that making it look easy is the true sign of expertise. Today, we talk to the host of one of London’s newest underground swinger parties, as featured in the Metro. Tall, with a relaxed, affable air and an astonishing polite charm, only belied by a mischievous twinkle in the eye and devilish smile, this host wears beautifully manicured locks like the crown of a laid-back monarch. Let’s get naked with the host of Little Black Book Parties.
–How did Little Black Book sex Parties come to be?
I was introduced to the world of swing by an ex-partner; we went to quite a popular swingers event in London. I remember standing there, mouth and eyes open wide, I couldn’t believe what I was watching and hearing. How had I been alive for so long not knowing these types of events happened right under our noses? My life changed from that day. That was in 2013.
Since then I have enjoyed myself, I have meet amazing people (meet ar*eholes too) and forged some great friendships. What I found though was there was a big stigma with single guys in the ‘scene’. I also learnt quite quickly about the problematic nature of gender-based pricing in parties.
I took some aspects of what I thought would make a good party, as at this point I had been to a few swingers and kink parties.
So, I rented an apartment and invited a few friends over. They had a great time, they told their friends, I had more parties and more people heard about it. Word spread fast and now we are here, Little Black Book was born.
–What makes Little Black Book Parties different to other sex parties?
We actually care about each person, we know their needs and wants, we don’t get 30 random people in a room and leave them to get on with it.
Being someone who has worked in events for most of my life as well as being actively part of the scene, this felt like a natural progression. I strangely have an obsession with attention to detail. An example of this is I remember being in a Covent Garden party, 2015. A woman who I had been checking out all night was about to leave, she came up to me wanting to play before she left, naturally we began kissing…the problem was her breath lingered of whatever she had just been up to 😒 🤢. So now at every LBB party you will see mouthwash in every bathroom. I’ve lived the life so I know what people will come up against, what information they’ll want to know to feel comfortable at an event, etc. I put all that experience and passion of event planning into the events.
–How did you first enter the London swing scene?
The ex that I spoke about earlier, the one who introduced me to the world of swing- I meet her at a Hackney festival in London (She was wild. 😜 I miss her).
Not long after that she left the wild life behind but I stayed (found myself) and was slowly introduced into the kink scene, which is a different ball game- very interesting and exciting- I have learnt soooo much about myself through the world of kink. I will never look at a belt or a candle the same way again 😏
–What is the grand mission of Little Black Book? Is it just a sex party?
Our slogan is “Debauchery needs company”.
Essentially, it is to take the stigma out of swinging and kink. We don’t have to be in a seedy basement somewhere to have that kind of fun. We aren’t looking for elite people, we want fun people.
These kinds of events don’t have to be reserved for a specific type of person in society. We all have desires- Little Black Book just facilitates you experiencing them in a fun, inclusive and safe way.
–What are the ingredients that go into making a great sex party atmosphere?
We also are extremely aware of the safeguarding concerns when it comes to women and marginalised people in these spaces. That is something we put at the forefront of everything LBB does.
For a great party you need the right balance and type of people. We are a singles party that includes couples, which is very different to the usual format out there.
At LBB you’ll be at a house party, and if the vibe is right then let your imagination play out.
We make it clear what the rules are, ensure people respect others’ boundaries and do everything with equality and the expectations of our guests as paramount. Everyone wants fun, not drama.
Music is ESSENTIAL, at every party the guests select the music pre-party so they’ll hear their favourite jams.
Things like a nice apartment, location, accessibility and catering to each guests needs are the things that go on behind the scene. Sexualities and preferences are ALWAYS taken into consideration.
–Your parties are vetted. How do you choose who is suitable?
I pick an applicant, roll a dice and if it’s an even number then they are accepted.
Nah, I’m kidding 😜
I have a form that all new people fill out. It asks basic personal questions and some questions on consent, etc. I’ll always look at their online presence, Fabswingers, FetLife, etc. If needed, I’ll have a 1:1 call or meet up with people to ensure they fit the criteria.
I also allow ‘vouching’. If we know the same person, and I trust them vouching for you then you can come along under that person’s supervision.
The parties can be quite intimate so I’ll choose the people who best suit the theme or demographic of that event.
-Do you feel like the London sex party scene is accessible enough? How could it be improved?
I think recent start ups like Little Black Book, Future Parties and Roar are bridging that gap. Whereas before, you had to know the right people and has to look a certain way to suit a certain demographic.
It can be improved by people supporting start-ups, by companies like Instagram no longer policing in problematic ways when it comes to certain images or accounts #freethenipple.
–What do you think the biggest problems on the swing scene and sex party scene are?
- People need to watch this YouTube clip about tea . The understanding and implementation of consent is an issue.
- Because you clicked like on a recent Munroe Bergdof post, it doesn’t mean you can’t recreate the same patriarchal, racist and misogynist views people fight against everyday. People need to deal with their own prejudices before they start flying the flag. Now I am on my soap-box, my I also add, for some reason people think just because you enjoy casual sex or being tied-up and hit it means you don’t have feelings, views, morals and standards. Have respect, we are people first.
–How do you feel about gender/couples pricing at sex party events?
I think I’ve alluded to my feelings already but just to be clear, I am not a fan. There have been really cool events I’ve wanted to attend but haven’t, as soon as I know it is priced a certain way.
-How do you feel about exclusionary criteria at events?
I understand it as a lot of events are run as a business first, so they want a certain criteria to suit their brand. A certain look, size, race, age, etc. Whilst I don’t support it, I think everyone has a right to provide a service in a way they choose. I would say that if you don’t agree with it then don’t support it.
Most people just want to have fun and experience a fantasy, but being someone who personally has been declined membership/vetting because of how I look, I think it can be problematic.
–Who is your ideal party guest?
Someone who likes to:
-Have overall fun
–What should someone expect at a Little Black Book party?
Big wet orgasmic orgies! Kidding.
Although, that has happened before.
20 to 30 lovely people, 1 private apartment, lots of music, drink and sexy vibes 🙂
When you arrive you’ll essentially be at a house party with swingers and kinksters. Whilst we do not identify as a kink event, there is always an open mind and invitation for guests to mix in their own interests of most things (not everything) on the spectrum of kink and fetish.
Every party has a theme and/or dress code so the vibe is always kept fun and relaxed.
-If someone wants to start hosting their own events, what advice would you give them?
There are toooo many tips/things for one to consider so just contact me, I’ll help you.
If I had to say one thing then I’d say be clear about what your intention is for the event. That will then inform all your actions/choices going forward.
–As a single guy on the swing scene, what should men most bear in mind to ensure success?
If by ‘success’ you mean they get laid, then I’d say they need to stop thinking like that. Be a nice person, be a flirt, talk to people, everything else will come with time and good connections.
–As a person with ubiquitous attractiveness to all genders and sexualities, how the heck do you do that?
I love the word ubiquitous 😁
I say: know who you are and be unapologetic about it. I perv on everyone because I see sexiness in different forms, I don’t mind anyone hitting on me as I’ve dealt with (and continue to deal with) my prejudices. Swing, kink, alternative, these are all words to box an expression or way of being. Just do you, boo boo!
–What’s the best way for someone to pick you up?
Be confident, be funny and be clear on your intentions.
-What is the best way for someone who wants to attend Little Black Book to get approved?
Email us at: email@example.com
You’ll receive a form to fill out, read the form…sooo many people don’t read it properly 😒 Within 72 hours you’ll hear from us and hopefully be approved to attend parties.
–When is the next event, and how do you buy tickets?
Next social is 20th September at The Foxglove in Islington, 6pm – 11pm. Anyone can attend that, no vetting required.
Next party is 11th October, location tbc, 9pm – 3am. The theme is FILTH 😈
You need to be vetted and approved to receive an invite. Hope to see you at a party soon 🤗
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