Why I quit?

Seduction, pickup, the swinger scene. The subtle art of luring women for threes, fours and mores. It’s what I’ve taught for 5 years, it’s what I’ve done for 10. I’ve written you hundreds of free blog posts on every nuance of how to do it right, and a (very reasonably priced) book on how to hunt unicorns specifically. I’ve examined the psychology, taught you tips and tricks. I’ve explored different methods, told you stories of what works (or not) and why. I’ve shared the collective wisdom of dozens and dozens of veteran swingers, hotwives, couples, kinksters, single women and men.

Now, with 2022 fast approaching, I have only 1 resolution. I’m not seducing women for anyone anymore.

Why I quit helping seduce women

Why, you may ask? Some very good reasons.

Firstly, (and I’m sure a lot of swinger women will know exactly what I mean about all of these), you guys just don’t get it. Those with a public presence in the sex-positive world will also be feeling me on some of these. With absolute exasperation, no doubt. There are 3 main situations where I get asked to supply women for a man.

‘I’m in Texas, send me a unicorn that looks…’

Ok, firstly, I’m not an international sex trafficker, a pimp, or some sort of Sears catalogue of women you can pick out that I just send indiscriminately around the world to you, to have a threesome with your Missus. If you want that service, you’ll pay a lot for it, and I’m not the place to go. I write advice on how you can find like-minded people and present yourself in the right way to give you the best chance of succeeding with what you are looking for. That’s all.

‘So now we’ve met in person, can you get one of your friends round who looks…’

Though I’m blessed to know many wonderful, sex-positive women and call them my friends, going on a date with me doesn’t mean you have access to them to pick and choose from. In fact, it’s the other way around.

I’ll often meet someone and think ‘Oh, Melissa would love this guy’s sexual style’ or be scrolling Tinder and match someone based on how much I know Lisa would swoon of their beard and tattoos. That’s right. If I meet someone my female friend would like (and I have a spooky knack of knowing someone’s tastes) then you might get introduced. Maybe even for a threesome. But you won’t be the one doing the choosing. You’ll be the plaything. Sorry to ruin your power fantasy.

Why I quit helping out a swinger ‘friend’

Now, wonderful single women of the swing scene, I’ve seen I’m not alone in doing this. A lot of you do it too, you just might not realise. So, the context is, you have a ‘play partner’, ‘party partner’ or scene newbie you are showing around (or perhaps showing off), impressing with your connections, confidence and talents -your ability to set them up with whatever they need to make their dreams come true, whether it’s a kinky friendship circle, an elaborate multiplayer sex fantasy or attending the most wonderful, life changing events. You revel in the joy of their excitement, and the opportunity to exercise your own prowess and be seen as a wild, powerful sexual woman.

Here’s the kicker though- you won’t be seen that way. While your talents, generosity and experience do, indeed make you special – your street smarts, emotional intelligence and quick wit make you magnificent and wonderful, if you show it and offer it without it feeling earned by your protege, a great majority of men won’t value it. Like a barrel of 20£ notes, fluttering in the breeze, they will take a scoop, be all the better off for it, and stroll on. After all, if this barrel was so fruitful the next is obviously full of £50’s right?

Run girl, run

It’s really easy to get drawn into a situation where you are giving a lot, and getting emotionally attached (through the Benjamin Franklin effect, if nothing else). Hunting unicorns together feels deeply bonding. Attending parties together feels like teamwork. Setting up sexual surprises, crafted to the highly specific fantasies of your latest male ‘partner’ is rewarding on so many levels. If you look at the ‘5 human motivations,’ Achievement, power, affiliation, security and adventure, you’ll see it rapidly ticks a lot of those boxes. The trouble is, the guy you’re doing this with/for will not see it the same way.

Yes, you can call me bitter. Salty. Disillusioned. Smart enough to be incredibly mean with my words, but not smart enough to change anything I do. Welcome to your future, ladies! Like the ghost of Christmas yet to come, I stand a cautionary tale before you of how this pans out. How this pans out every time, for everyone.

Should you quit?

So, is this advice for single women? Or is this an open letter of complaint to the single guys who keep doing the same douchebag things? Materialising entitlement, misogyny and careless destruction on a path where they view themselves as solitary wolves, and the womenfolk simply charitable benefactors along the way?

Maybe it’s both. And maybe, as with so much of what I write, it’s just easier to write a whole blog post and send people a link than try to explain it all to all of them every time.

New Year’s Swinger Resolutions

I’m a swinger, and I’m happy with that. I’m good at it, and it’s a fun life. But I’m not here to do in-person training for free (if you want tuition, let’s talk cash), I’m not here to chat up women and couples for you because you are shy and I’m better at it, I’m not here to stroke your ego by making out like you just deserve everything I give you through some sort of intrinsic worth, and I’m definitely not here to create situations where I’m the gateway to women you otherwise can’t access.

Acts of service, including setting up fantasies for you, are acts of love. I’ve come to learn and accept that. If you don’t want that? If you don’t want partnership, future plans, or bonding? You can’t have access to me as a double agent, with insight into the feminine psyche. You’ll just have to buy the book and read it.

Should I quit swinging or just helping?

The ability to compartmentalise and utilise internalised misogyny, while at the same time understanding what women on the swing scene want (Respect? Equality? Sexual freedom without judgement? Empowerment?) is, I think, something all swinger women acquire after a while. But, ladies, we don’t have to do this for the boys. Trust me. They’ll be totally fine screwing it up all by themselves.

Ultimately, we may enjoy strutting our prowess, but does any swinger woman worth her salt really want an overgrown boy to lead around who needs you to set things up for him? Is that not just an illusion of dependency? If you’re coming for me boys, come as a man. Come as an equal. Come as a God.

Or better yet, come as a woman.

Happy hunting, baby ducklings. xxx

• I know this post sounds a little feisty and butt-hurt. Just seems to be how it came out. These things take on a life of their own. Ask any of my lovely lady friends- I’m an absolute pussy cat.