Tag: BDSM

Unicorn interviews 5: The BDSM unicorn

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So, what brought you to the scene originally?
It’s one of those things where you can look back and go, ‘oh yeah, those adverts from the sixties that are horribly sexist, with some housewife being spanked because she bought the wrong coffee…’ I remember being fascinated by them, I mean I couldn’t have described it, and I couldn’t have told you that that was what was interesting, but I do remember that there was something fascinating about it. I’ve always had quite vanilla partners, and there’s only so far you can push people, when it’s not their thing. Also without feeling like you are doing it wrong somehow.  Since my late teens when people started to talk about it, I knew what I had to do was different, and I knew I was getting it wrong. Because, you know, nice girls stay at home, and there’s all that kind of attitude still, so I just figured I had to tone it down a little and keep quiet, and do the normal thing.
How long have you been on the scene for?
I’m pretty new to the scene. It’s been about three or four months. Scary!
What are your observations so far?
For me, it was definitely s feeling of finding my tribe. So for me it’s been a very comfortable thing.  Also I haven’t come to it at 21, which for me I think has been a good thing.  I’ve come at a point where I’m really comfortable with this, because it is what I enjoy and I’m finding good people to enjoy it with, and friends, and the social scene, and all that side of it as well, which I think is important.  It’s not just I did this, or I did them. But its the whole kind of environment.  And I think that’s kind of essential. I don’t know if I’d have been as comfortable, or as confident in my early 20’s.
Which venues do you like the most?
I haven’t been around that long, so a limited amount. Torture Garden was my entry in, which I think it probably is for quite a few people. It’s fun there. And I love dress up in any way, shape or form. I have given drawers full of underwear and things that have had limited view time, so I think that’s actually..I know people get a bit snobby about it? Especially on the kink side? Kink light- in inverted commas. Actually I think there’s room for that kind of thing. It’s a damn good club night, with everything involved. Having said that, now I’ve kind of -about to say progressed. I’m not sure it is- but I’ve just ventured out.  I like DVS. Good nights there. It’s very newbie friendly. Can’t say I’ve done masses of events. I like Subversion Noir. That was, that was actually- I think I was a bit terrified of going.
So do you just do the BDSM events, or the swing ones too?
So I’ve done that night which was between the two. I’d say it was more swing oriented. I’ve been less confident about going to the swing stuff on my own. I think, because the impression I got, from random conversation and people’s impression of it, and also just because my initial exploration was around the BDSM side, having said that, I’ve every intention of going to Le Boudoir. That’s great, and I’m very comfortable.
They do have a dungeon downstairs too.
For me it’s not all or nothing. You know what I mean? It’s not that there’s any…some people like it isn’t..I totally respect it. Great, enjoy whatever it is that you enjoy. It’s like some people are into rope and that’s their thing, and that’s their only thing. Great! Enjoy. I like the variety.
How do you find people’s approaches have been? Have you had mostly single men, or couples approach, girls?
Yeah. It’s been more, I’d say.. so I’m on Fet**, and that’s how I got into it. So that is a lot of single guys. A lot with one line. You could do a course on that- how to write something! There’s a girl’s group that we’ve got- just a chat group- and we do actually regularly talk- there will be guys who scatter-gun copy and paste to basically the entire group. Now I have no problem, it’s a swinging site. It’s not about being a special snowflake, and that kind of thing. But girls talk! And it’s just entertaining. Especially when you see it across 14 different girls, you think ‘well, you’ve been busy’.
Does it make you feel less special?
Yeah. But I mean I didn’t come into it looking for a relationship, so I think that makes a big difference. So I think if what you want is a one to one, then you’re going to – a one to one partnership and you might swing, or a partnership where you get into kink and BDSM and that side of things, I think that’s actually harder, because it’s intrinsically a very open and very play-oriented place. There is a bit of an assumption that you’ll be up to it with everyone.
So you think it’s a good scene for singles, as opposed to couples?
Um, I think it depends what you want. I think if what you want is a relationship, that’s harder. I’ve fallen into one, which I wasn’t expecting at all, and wasn’t what I was looking for. We decided last week to call ourselves ‘dating’, we are not monogamous, because I think that would fail miserably, especially on my side. I’m probably more on the poly side than he is. We are taking it slowly and seeing how it goes. But I wasn’t looking for that. That wasn’t something that I went in for.
Do you think the two of you will be picking up single girls together?
Not at this stage. See it’s funny, because I’ve played with couples and I really enjoy it. That wasn’t something I went in thinking I had a particular…I like the idea of two guys, I didn’t have a particular thing in my head for a couple. But actually not just a guy and a girl- but a couple- where they’ve got a dynamic they’ve built: that place – there’s something about that I really enjoy When they are really comfortable with it.
So you are a true unicorn?
Yeah. And I didn’t know I – I mean it’s a term that sound’s nice. I’ll show you something because it will make you laugh – I did find a unicorn T shirt that I didn’t buy at TK Maxx because it’s a stupid amount of money for what it was, but I did take photos of it because I found it entertaining. Yeah, it’s all things. I’m Bi in the sense that I’m sexually attracted to women, I’ve never had a relationship with a woman- but I would have no particular problem- I have gone on dates with them – so for me there’s something about the couple dynamic that’s really attractive to me, if they’re in it together. I’ve had an experience where I was definitely the tick-list of ‘I’ve now slept with a woman’, and that was rather enjoyable! But it was early stages and you live and learn anyway, and make clearer what’s okay for you as well. That’s part of why I’m glad I didn’t come into it at 21, where I’d have felt like hell, and probably felt hugely insecure and horrible about the whole thing. This was like ‘Oh, okay’. Not something I’d do again. Not something I’m prepared to be again, but it’s not the end of the world.
So the couples that you decided to meet with- what was it that made you choose them out of all the, presumably, hundreds and hundreds, you get?
To be honest, they’ve been accidental for the most part. My first couple was before I came out on the scene. I was in America; in Miami, in a club, hammered. And a couple picked me up. It was totally unexpected. I would never in a million years have thought it, and I had a really good time. That was part of that whole kind of route into the scene. It is what I enjoy, and kind of- why am I not at least trying it to know? So the couple stuff has- I think it’s much trickier with messaging. I’m much more wary about it. It’s much harder just in terms of time. Finding time to meet people, finding time to meet a couple. Seeing if you get on with both of them. At events, it’s very comfortable. Because obviously you’re not trying to date them. You’re you know, it’s kind of an intrinsic thing. The downside of that is, for me it’s more about them – the couple, so I’m very aware of not pushing beyond boundaries that are clear it’s okay for me to go there? And obviously if you meet a couple after you, you can kind of expand those boundaries and its comfortable, and playful I suppose.
When do you think couples should talk about their boundaries, if they’ve decided on any?
I think they should have a good discussion. Because what it means, particularly if you are involving the BDSM side of it, it could have no sexual play, give or take. I have been in that position of not knowing ‘well can I kiss someone?’ or…it’s very much, for the most part, guys have no problem with you kissing their girlfriends, they are really fine with that! But then is she okay with me kissing him? That kind of thing. So for me, it’s a lot more attractive if they know where they stand, and the last thing I ever want to do is mess around someone else’s relationship. If it’s not right, don’t do it. Don’t do it because it’s on a website, or because it’s the thing you’re supposed to do to show you love them. You don’t. And if it is, what that would look like, is going to be different for everyone. I’m just starting to think, ‘well that’s something I have to think about’, dating someone. What am I comfortable with? I don’t entirely know. Some of that is, I guess, the person you’re with at the time and people you’re with, and keep talking about it?
Why do you think most couples have so much trouble finding a unicorn and closing the deal?
I think partly it is kind of intimidating coming into a couple’s dynamic. You know, if you’re in a good relationship, you’re a couple. As someone who likes that side of it, I quite like being fairly objectified- I like being the object of play, that’s fun for me. But it could mean that I could end up feeling very alone at the end of it, if I wasn’t comfortable, if things didn’t go the right way. If they just decided, ‘oh we don’t want to do this now,’ because they’re a couple then it makes a different kind of unit? So I think if you’re single then there’s a bit of an awareness of that. Also, you’ve got to be attracted to both of them. Both physically and who they are- because if you’re into the BDSM side rather than just the swinging side, then you’ve also got that element. Do you fit? Are the things that you like the same?
Do you find the treatment you get from people on the BDSM scene and the swing scene, in terms of couples, is quite different? Are there expectations?
Again, I can’t pretend to have any sort of expertise, partly because I’ve only had limited experience, and my swinging experience has been more sex stuff rather than couples, so I don’t know if I can give a really good answer to that. I’d say there’s a bit of a difference around the concept. So BDSM tends to be a lot more ‘ask first,’ you know, ‘what do you like, what’s okay?’ I think there is a little bit sometimes that the couples look for someone who is comfortable, or wants to do the things that maybe one of them doesn’t, or one of them would like to try. So if someone wants to try the cane and the other half isn’t into it, it’s okay doing it on someone else. whereas swinging isn’t like that. It’s more of a threesome, in that respect. But it’s a bit more ‘consent implied?’ Obviously you could say no at any time, and obviously that’s fine. It feels like a conversation. You don’t have a specific conversation before you start anything, of ‘where can I touch you, what are the no go areas,’ that kind of thing.
If you had a few top tips to give to a couple who decided to do this, and were totally new to it, what would you tell them? What is your main advice, from your experience?
Be really honest with yourselves about what it is you actually want. I mean it’s a nice thing, it’s like ‘I’m bored, we want another girl to play with’ – but to do what? Because if you know what you want, you’re much more likely to find someone who’s into a similar thing. And how that would work. And just kind of the basics, I mean can you accommodate, and a certain amount of reassurance about being normal human beings with lives and all that kind of thing. Because I think sometimes you can get caught up in this myth of who you have to be, and it’s …everyone has profiles.. it’s no different from the Instagram thing, everyone is showing a version of themselves, so it’s okay to, particularly if you are looking for something regular. I do things – I went to an event, which was very couple heavy. It’s a new one. And actually I think if you’re a newbie couple in general, it would be a really good type of thing. You’ve got singles and couples, it’s quite couple heavy, so it’s not just ‘you as a couple and a load of single people going, “Hey do you want me to play?”‘
That does tend to be a common scenario
I can see from that point of view as well, if you’re that couple, it’s very hard not to feel like you’re being predatory I’d have thought, even if you’re not, because it’s two against one, automatically. I do think there’ s something where it’s easier, and I’m saying this obviously because I’m bi and I love it too, it’s probably easier if women chat. But be really aware that someone might not like both of you. It think that’s just kind of…
Do you think couples should be more willing to split off?
Honestly, only if it’s a really good thing for them, I don’t think they should do it for the sake of ‘yeah there’s someone else,’ and I have heard stories from people where they’ve tried to get either the guy or the girl has approached them as a single person, and pulled them in as a dating thing, and then gone ‘oh, we’d like to introduce you,’ and actually introduce their actual partner.
Yes.
It’s a nasty thing to do.
I’ve got a blog post on that! (How to fool a unicorn: The Silver Bullet)
It’s one of those things where you’re just like, ‘that’s a lot a) that’s a lot of work, b) that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. Don’t do that!
It’s very often tried and very rarely done well. If it’s done well, you literally never know.
Seems like a lot of effort. I mean, I like straight talking. It’s one of the things I really like about both sides of the scene. It’s the straightforward honesty. I’m looking for sex. I’m looking for kink. I’m looking for someone to play with. I’m looking for someone to be my partner for ever. Or one of my multiple partners. And I really like this. It’s actually something, in more vanilla life is..amiss. I like it very direct, but I think an element of that would help most people’s relationships. That kind of ‘well what do I actually want?’ and the ability to say it. And if it’s not right for both of you then it’s not, and people have emotional egos and all that kind of thing, and egos get bruised I think. It’s also a reality sometimes you will get rejected, and it sucks. Even if it’s just on a night out, you know. That sucks. And that’s part of it. If that’s what you’re looking for, that’s kind of okay? No-one is going to be the right thing for everyone every time. It still sucks when it’s someone you quite like and, you know. Or everyone else seems to be getting it right and getting it together, and you’re like ‘Sigh. I’ll just go home then’. You know. I think there’s that side of it, which can be missed, because we are talking about all the wonderful swinging times we’re having, and they are. They’re great! I really enjoy myself. But, you know. You’ll always get an ebb and flow. I think whether you are a couple or single, the key is knowing what you actually want and why. If you’re not sure, wait. Find it because it’s right, not just because you have to tick it off a list. It’s not going to be great. And not everything’s for everyone.

**Fetlife website

Image from https://www.pinterest.co.uk/bobbiesteuart/shoes/?lp=true

Unicorn interviews 3

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Rah, 46, single girlie

How did your first mff come about?
In my early 20s when I rang a number for a girl looking for a girl which was in The Times newspaper! I was living in Hammersmith at the time – we met, instantly liked each other and pretty much hung out as much as we could. Fairly innocent fun, kissing and stroking on club dance floors and drew attention to ourselves, while having a lot of fun. Our first MFF was with a male friend of mine who lived in Chelsea, your typical Sloane climbing the ranks!! I think Max (her pseudonym)  and I would have been happy to just play together but he added a new dynamic to our close bond for a night! We went home with him after a night out drinking and dancing. We continued to have twosome and threesome fun when we felt the urge. My next MFF was as a couple, with a female friend of mine who I had been seeing a year or so before. It was slightly drunken and fun. But we chose not to repeat it.
As for me joining a couple as a single girl, this didn’t happen until a Killing Kittens’ event where I was approached by the female of the couple to come and play. We played at the party and at my home, but as it was their first I was very much the instructor and leader in this threesome, making sure everyone was comfortable and had a good time. We did.

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?
I don’t really get this label – I am many things to many people. But a girl that specifically plays with couples? No

How do you feel being the unicorn in an mff differs from being the primary female?
Hugely – but that very much depends on the couple you play with. Some bring in a female to focus their attentions on, and this is a delightful experience, as you have the undivided sexual amour of a man and a woman who are in tune with each other and have clearly discussed what they want from the experience long before you turn up on their doorstep. Sadly, the other side to this is the less well informed who simply want the MFF, the girl is bi-curious (I know you have to start somewhere but this really isn’t for me) and the boy wants two women sucking on his cock to keep in his wank bank. These couples usually end up falling out over petty jealousies, or the girl isn’t secure enough to handle a confident women, and the attention her man is giving me.  As a people pleaser, this is hard, you want it to be a great memory for all, and you also don’t want the drama of having to sort it all out. 

What is your favourite dynamic in a mff?
This really depends on the people – I have no favourite, couples, three singles, friends, whatever….. it is all good if everyone knows what their role is and communicates what they want – and being a filthy minx or tomcat helps too! People who give in and let the sensation and experience take over and stop worrying about how they look, or what the other one is up to. 

Do you prefer couples, women or single men?
I love threesomes, but not when emotion is involved.

Do you find there is a difference in the way the three groups approach you?
Again, this depends on the people and their knowledge of the scene. Inexperience can lead to some cute approaches from couples, who don’t know how to start it with another girl. That’s quite endearing for me. A certain innocence in this day and age – and if the couple is new to it, and I am helping them achieve a fantasy for the first time, then this thrills me. 
Single men will always be the most up front or the biggest liars and often the most dull – they want to fuck. Their approach is often crass and without thought of me as an individual. Maybe it is hanging about on the kink scene more, where people know their boundaries, respect their choices and don’t judge. I have had one approach at a club, where a man spent an hour at the bar chatting and getting to know me, then quizzed my friends about me before we played. This I loved, he wanted to take the time to find out what I liked and how I played. 
Single men don’t often want to put in the effort. To me swinging/playing/promiscuity still requires the element of understanding and effort. My first Fabs meet took me 9 months of emails, then texting, then meeting for a coffee and chat, before I finally played with him!
Women are simple – we understand each other and the approach is usually as a friend or admirer, which then turns into something sexual. But it still feels like two friends having fun together, becuase they share something unique, and beautiful – womanhood.

What is the worst approach you’ve ever had?
It wasn’t really an approach, but I have been followed about at clubs or parties, not coming and chatting to me, just following me about and hanging outside the girls’ toilets! I also love confidence in men, but overstep this mark and you end up with arrogance – arrogant men that tell you you’re coming home with them without even asking! With couples I hate it when you find out after a week that you have been chatting to the man via text, and not the girlfriend as they have put across to you. Naughty, and frankly tedious.  Also people trying to get you back for a private party, which doesn’t really exist, they just want to get you home.  Anyone who isn’t honest – men, women or couple, will fail in their approach. 
An ex of mine always used to ask to come in and use the loo, then force himself on women, well dom them. Wanker!

What would make a couple stand out to you as a good potential play pair?
An open mind, a sense of fun, while still maintaining some innocence and awe of it all! That’s a big ask I know. Failing that being damn hot! But also, and importantly having standards. That take a step back and look at who they would like to play with and why, and approach you letting you know why they chose YOU.

When you’ve been the primary female in setting up an mff, what strategies do you find have worked best for you?
I have tried to not to bring a new girl into this situation, I think the females should be friends first before expecting another girl to partake in a threesome. I have usually then put the female in touch with the male I want a MFF with, so that they can get a feel for each other and build some chemistry together. This is important – while I used to be able to turn up at a random doorstep and play, most women don’t. They like to feel a bit of a connection and some trust. Facilitate this for all parties and you have the start of a good threesome.

Are you cautious of introducing a unicorn to a primary play partner? Have you had any bad experiences?
Only with men I’ve dated! Mainly doms. Three awful experiences where I felt totally left out and insignificant despite being the male’s girlfriend. It felt like he just was interested in new blood!  But if I am not romantically involved I am happy to introduce – but on my terms. 
Men that ask constantly for a MFF bore me too. Show me you deserve the amount of effort and time this takes.

What would be your ideal, fairytale scenario for your life? Your happy ending?
I have recently learnt that three things can provide happiness. Company, counsel and loyalty. This doesn’t mean monogamy, just honesty. We can’t own someone sexually, and if you can behave in a way to allow freedom, but honesty, good company, and counsel when they need it – it’s a winning formula. That said, I am a hopeless romantic and still long for the fairytale wedding and a Facebook filled with joint selfies of ourselves discovering foreign places and going to cool festivals with our kids in tow, all in glitter make-up.

How do you feel single girls on the scene are perceived?
In most cases they are revered for being wanted by both couples and single men. I don’t like overtly promiscuous girls, and tend not to play with these. But without the wonderful single girls you’d be left with couple’s swinging clubs! I have never felt that I was less than any other single girl on a vanilla dating site. I think they are seen as a thing a beauty, if they show class.

What strategies do you use to identify which single girls would be your best targets for an mff?
If I like them and get on with them! I don’t set up MFFs with girls I don’t know, even if this getting to know is just messaging for a while.

What advice would you give to a couple setting out to have their first mff?
Don’t be pushy, there is nothing worse than constantly asking someone for it. Let it evolve naturally. Spend some time getting to know your extra F and what she likes. And don’t ask for pictures, just get out and meet them and see if there is chemistry all round. Let the girl do the chatting in the main, as girls bond more quickly. 

Any final words of wisdom?
Don’t make an MFF the holy grail, there is much to discover and try before you think you need to add another female. Make sure you all want to do this, and you are not a people pleaser like me that agrees to do things just to keep their man happy! You have one life, live it as you want to, not how someone else thinks you should.

Nothing but the horn: Unicorn stereotyping

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Everyone’s guilty of making assumptions at some time….judgement is human nature, it’s a survival tactic…so you can’t be too hard on people about it…just put them right when they make an assumption of you, if you care enough to…mostly I don’t care enough about other people’s opinions of me…the time I care is when I actually care about the person making the assumption.

Miss Genie, 30’s, sexually liberated woman

 

As humans, we rely on our ability to spot patterns and use them to interpret the world around us.  The more we are exposed to a certain collection of information, the more our brains are able to find this pattern and give meaning to it, from the face of Jesus on our toast, to shapes in clouds, to the interpretation of what other people think and feel from a small series of cues.  Our minds learn to block out the anomalies- the pieces of data which don’t fit the patterns we are used to, so that we can rapidly process and forget that which is not useful to us and our survival.  The inability to block and filter this constant flow is what leads to difficulties for people on the autistic spectrum.  The over-reliance on blocking and filtering is what leads to bigotry, stereotyping and closed-mindedness.

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, not cock and ball torture, in this case) is a technique which attempts to re-programme our responses to cues, by examining other routes the information could take in our minds, to lead to a happier state of being.  For example, if you see two girls look at you and giggle to each other, what do you assume?  If you have a series of negative experiences and associations, or low self esteem, you may think they are laughing at how your ears stick out.  A different person might assume they were checking you out, and making suggestive comments to each other as they found you attractive.  Same cues, different interpretation.

The more you are exposed to sets of information as a pattern and their associations, the more entrenched your responses become.  With regard to threesomes, unicorns and bisexual females, unfortunately for the novice, your prior information set for pattern recognition and response is likely to be largely limited to erotic fiction and pornography. This is about as useful to you in the real world as Game of Thrones is to your understanding of historical events.  It is fiction.  It is simplified, reductive, and designed to elicit a response in you that will guarantee the highest likelihood of your continued consumption of the material produced.  It is aimed at the reward centres in your brain. It is a non-pharmaceutical drug, hooking you on your own biochemistry to create a mild addiction. If you want to up your game, to hit those same reward centres in real life, you need to be aware that your understanding so far is not entirely on target.

It is not entirely your fault.  Through an age old patriarchal society’s rules, your exposure to the real thing is limited.  It is secret, mysterious, forbidden.  Participants are fetishized. Yet is the fetishistic nature in your own mind that holds the key to both your pleasure by partaking, and your fall-flat mistakes in obtaining your goal.  I am going to tell you a list of things that are simply untrue.  Sorry to burst your bubble.

  1. Unicorns are more highly sexual than anyone else.  They are always at it, because they just love sex.  It’s what they are all about.
  2. Bisexual women always have sex with all the other bisexual women they know
  3. Bisexual women have sex with other bisexual friends whenever they see each other.  Most of the time, anyway.
  4. Whenever bisexual women get together, whatever the event, there is always some element of sex involved somewhere.  If not, they are thinking about it.
  5. Bisexual women are all up for MFF – it’s the best of both world’s right?
  6. Bisexual women should be flattered you have approached them for MFF.  It’s two for one?  What’s not to like?  They said they are bisexual?
  7. Unicorns like to be treated like a sex object.  They all always enjoy the attention of both of you at once.  They enjoy being hunted down.
  8. Unicorns are so busy with their sexual freedoms, they are just having sex all the time.  They consider this their main identity and don’t need or want to be considered as anything other than their sexual self.  That would bore them and turn them off.
  9. All single girls with bisexual tendencies or curiosities will enjoy an MFF
  10. All bisexual girls who enjoy MFF should be happy to partake in one with couples
  11. All unicorns who enjoy MFF with couples enjoy being the passive party in the selection, arrangements and event
  12. Unicorns are just slags.  If they weren’t happy to be considered sex objects, they would just go get a boyfriend.  They would never make girlfriend material, and they would certainly never want to be.
  13. A bisexual woman could never be satisfied with just one person in a relationship. They have to be unicorns, as they are so sexually charged that they would cheat on anyone, of either gender.
  14. There’s a strategy you can use that will work on all unicorns, infallibly.  They all want the same thing so the same rules apply

Doesn’t sound much like the depictions you’ve seen in porn and the wider media, does it? The truth is that unicorns in general see themselves and the things they do, not as a fixed identity, but as a part of their personal journey.  A path they explore, trying to understand themselves, life, relationships and in some cases work through previous hurts or anaesthetise themselves to that which they don’t want to feel.  If one has sex with you, you may well not hear from her again.  Yes, my baby ducklings, sometimes it is the unicorn who is using you.  There are always exceptions.  There are a million different stories and motivations, and every path is different.  If you want to catch a unicorn, you do not need to be a hunter.  You need to be a unicorn whisperer.

Unicorn Interviews: 1

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Interview with Miss Paradise, 32, open-minded female

 

Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?

 

I don’t know what to call myself. I’m very open, I’m a slow burner as well.  I know what I like when I like it, so it could be anything, it could be dominating men, it could be playing with girls, playing with couples, a single guy, it could be having a playmate which is what I’ve got now.  I’ve been playing with someone for over a year.

 

Do you guys pick up single girls together or do you just play together with your playmate?

 

Um, he is open to that but he doesn’t come out -he’s not on any scene, but he’s open. He knows that I dominate, he knows I play with girls, he knows that I’m out on the scene,  but that’s not his priority at the moment. He’s open for me to bring girls back if he wants, but we haven’t done it. We’re exploring and I’ve opened him up to BDSM, so me and him are connecting on that level at the moment.  I don’t know, I have been a unicorn. I was a unicorn when I first came on the scene, because I felt like I was getting the best of both worlds, as getting male and a female and I can also come away from it-  I wasn’t going to get any emotional bullshit attached to that because they’ve got their thing, so I can go in and I can play – we can all sort of play and use each other and I can walk away and it’s just left there. So yeah, I played with a few couples in the past was which I’ve enjoyed.  In fact some of my best experiences have been with couples and the dynamics of that have been different.

 

What would make you choose a couple, because obviously there’s a lot of couples who are seeking a unicorn?

 

The female for me has to be into women properly – not just doing it please your partner or ‘I’m straight but I do it, it’s for fun.’’ It has to feel organic, because that puts me off if I don’t get that feeling, because then it just makes it more intense.  Puts me off if the female just doing it to please the husband ‘cause then it becomes all about him and not about the three of us. I like when the male takes a step back and appreciates the two girls together and he’s quite respectful about it- it’s not like I said before, it’s not all about him.  It’s quite an equal dynamic, but I’ve had threesomes which have totally not worked. I actually fell asleep! Funny story – I was 20 I think. I was 20, 21; I was swinging then. Like, sleeping around and swapping partners and things, and I was seeing a guy on and off and we were very sexual- that’s all it was and then then there was a girl that I started having a bit of a thing with. And me and her went out one night and we bumped into this guy and he invited us back to his house. I got a feeling that he was more into her than me, so they were getting it on and I could just see it and feel the vibes, so I just kind of…. we’d  been smoking weed and stuff as well, but I just kind of sloped off and fell asleep on the side of the bed. They’re trying to nudge me, but I just wasn’t having any of it.  So eventually, after a few more times of those two hooking up, they ended up seeing each other for about 8 or 9 months or something like that. So that was it that wasn’t a great dynamic. I kind of got pushed out so I fell asleep. I’ll always remember that because he always mentions it.  Fell asleep- sorry.

 

It just panned out that way.  But then there was another dynamic with the same guy, who was with an ex-girlfriend.  Me and her were in the pub together and he came to pick me up and me and her were kissing he was like “oh that’s how it is is it?”

 

So we went back to his and he wasn’t interested in her, he was interested in seeing me and her together and then he wanted to sleep with me, but she was more interested in him than me, so it was a bit of a strange dynamic.  That didn’t feel right- it was a bit strange.  Because I remember getting up- we’d made a sort of bed in the front room and I remember getting up to get some water or go to the toilet.  I came back, and she was sort of trying to give him a blowjob or something. I could tell it wasn’t quite there. As soon as I came by he was on me, and then she was kind of ‘Oh I wasn’t interested in you, I want him,’ so that was a strange dynamic.

 

Have you had many times when  a couple has approached you together?

 

I’ve had that a lot at KK, because I’m all over the forum.  I get couples a lot, because I’ve actually put on my profile, ‘Interested in everybody’.  Any request will be considered really. So, a lot.  I do get them, but most of the time I find when they kik me it’s mainly the man rather than the girl. So he’s the driving force and he’s picking who he wants for those two, rather than it being the female – which I don’t think is a bad thing, because generally it’s either one or the other that instigates it. At a KK a party I’ve been approached by couples and I’ve had fun with couples before. In fact I went back with a couple- I went to a couple’s penthouse party and I was approached by the female and he was there-  he watched us and then they invited me back and I ended up staying with them and we all ended up playing. I was the centre of attention actually -they were both pleasuring me, which is quite nice. It was kind of all about me- I was at the centre.  I’ve never experienced that before. Then the female; she was like, II am tired now, I’m going to go to sleep,’ and I was I was in bed with in the middle of them and me and him- he was like, cuddling me. So me and him end up going the front room and playing together without her, which I felt a bit bad about but I thought, ‘Well we’ve all come back together,’ and then I ended up staying the next day.  We ended up eating pizza in bed and listening to music- it was really bizarre. I’ve never done that before, but at least there was this three-way kind of intense thing that we had for a couple of days. I’ve stayed friends with her but not with him, because he kept on trying to meet me on on it on his own and I said, ‘Well I’m going to not come to meet you, I’m coming to meet a couple,’ and I messaged her to let her know. I just said, ‘Look, he’s trying to meet me,’ because I’m-  I am a girl’s girl, I take the girls side more than the guy’s, even if the girl’s is a little bit in the wrong,  it’s still…. I’m more of a girl’s girl –  so.  She didn’t know that he was doing that- he didn’t tell her. But yeah, I’ve stayed friends with her- she’s an escort actually, this girl. Yes she’s cool.  I haven’t spoken to her recently.  So that was a nice time dynamic. I would actually like to experience that again, where I’m the centre of attention.

 

If a couple was going to approach you, what advice would you give them?

 

Have a general chit chat.  Not let it be based around sex and ‘come and meet us in a hotel and see where things..’ I don’t like that approach – ‘well let’s meet up and see if the chemistry is there,’ because instantly they’re basically saying, ‘let’s meet up for sex.’

 

Get to know me and have an experience, rather than just a fuck to tick a fantasy off their list, which is what I don’t want to be, unless I’m in that right frame of mind, I’ve met up with them and it feels right to become that fantasy. Then fair enough, but straight away if you’ve never met, have a little bit of a chit chat.  There’s been a couple of couples that said ‘can we take you out for dinner, can we get to know you better,’ That I like, because they’ve offered to take me out, in a normal, neutral place. They’ve not offered to come round to see me, or go to their house or hotel room- and just to sit and have a chit-chat over food. I think that’s very normal. I kind of like the normal approach, and I can kind of gauge where they’re coming from and and what they would like. Then if anyone feels uncomfortable you can leave as well, because it’s a bar or restaurant or whatever. I like that approach and that is what I would advise: to meet up. Because everybody has to feel comfortable.

 

Is there anything people have done, where they have really ruined their chances?

 

I have a message in my phone. There’s a couple I was chatting to, and then I’ve been busy so I haven’t responded to them and they kept putting question marks, and ‘Hi?’  I’m busy, you’re not on the top of my list. Then I got a message  saying ‘Hi, can we meet and fuck?’ I put ‘fuck off -worst approach ever. Never have I been so turned off. My vagina has sealed itself up.’

Then he put ‘It was a joke, because you never respond.’ Then I put ‘I’m going to block you,’ the other person put ‘cool.’ I put, ‘I don’t respond because I’m NOT INTERESTED.’  Then I left it. They’re pesty anyway. So that is not a good a good way to catch my good side. ‘Can we meet up and fuck?’  No.  No we can’t.

 

Have you ever had a situation where you found yourself becoming more emotionally involved with one or both of a couple than you planned to be when you first met with them?

 

No, I’ve never. I’ve never gone that far. I’ve never done that for with anyone actually with swinging. You create sort of feelings, but not in that light. I want to be with someone, but when you get to know someone you like them, don’t you?  You think, ‘I really like that person,’ but actual emotions like that, no. I can’t do that.  I detach myself because I see it as just swinging.

 

Do you think any women in a couple should ever be worried about you going off with her husband after, or be jealous of you being involved, or made insecure in any way?

 

I don’t think they should be jealous.  If there’s something wrong in their relationship then there would be reason to be jealous of anyone, or if they’ve got issues and insecurities that they’ve not to come to terms with or dealt with, then they shouldn’t be swinging like that. So no, because I wouldn’t take somebody’s husband or the other way around, I wouldn’t go off with the wife. It’s just they’re a couple, we’ve agreed to play together and that’s what it is. I see it for what it is.

 

Do you often find it’s the woman or the man that’s more attractive in the couple, or is it a mixture?  Do you need to be very attracted to both of them?

 

It has to be a mix.  I have to be attracted to both but it doesn’t mean necessarily mean physically.  I’m attracted to people’s energy, so if they’ve both got good energy and they are reasonably attractive, and if there’s a connection, then yeah that’s what I’m attracted to.

 

What’s the best pick-up line you’ve had from a couple?

 

Do you want to fuck?  Ha ha.  ‘Can we take you out for dinner and get to know you?’  I really like because it was just nice- you know, it was like straight away they wanted to sort of make me feel good. They wanted to do something for me, so that’s what I thought. That was quite nice.

 

So you say you’ve moved away from being with couples. What was it in your mind or in your life that you feel took you away from being a unicorn to wanting something different?

 

Because I’ve been playing with somebody for over a year and I’m quite happy having penetrative sex with him. So yeah, I’m quite happy just playing with him at the moment. I don’t see myself as 100% single anymore so that’s why. If I ended up being 100% single again then yeah, I will definitely go back to being open to playing with them.

 

Have you had any couples approach you to just play with one of the two? Or any times where you wanted one and not the other?

 

This takes it a little bit away from swinging. I’ve been asked to dominate a guy who’s in a couple, but the female of the couple is a bit funny about him being dominated by another woman as it’s normally her so, we’ve been talking about it. Then he came up with ‘what if you double dommed with her, on me?’  I said ‘well you’ve approached me,’ and I like his partner but I don’t feel any connection with her whatsoever. There’s nothing – she feels flat to me. I don’t feel her energy at all. There’s nothing there. So how’s that going to work, because how am I going to vibe off you in that situation? So I am more attracted to him than her. That’s a situation I’ve never really had. There’s normally always something about one and the other that makes itself up. But becomes all rounded. So yeah, that’s it at the moment. I had a message a couple of days ago actually so I just said ‘oh, I don’t know, you’ll have to open it up with her see what she thinks and then take it from there.’

 

How do you feel about the couple or the woman setting down ground rules for you?

 

I try and understand where people are coming from and if that’s their approach- if that’s where they’re at at that moment, that that’s their next step, to allow this to happen, because maybe they might be breaking into being completely open with each other. So sometimes I quite like the rules because then you know where you stand. If there’s no rules and it’s a brand new couple and you say- I don’t know- so I gave the guy blowjob or kissed him properly, and she’s like ‘Whoa, that made me feel really uncomfortable,’ then it can change. But if they specifically say, ‘Right, well he can’t kiss you and you can’t finger his bum and they are the rules,’ then you know where you stand. I don’t mind rules, I’m easy either side really.  If it’s a new couple then sometimes it’s better if they do have a few guidelines within their dynamic, because then no one’s going to kick off or the female’s not going to meltdown and start crying, or he’s not gonna go weird.

 

Have you had any cases where that happened?

 

I can’t quite remember what happened but there was one occasion where the woman went a bit funny with me, and it was her idea!  But I can’t quite remember the exact details of it. I do remember something of the woman being really funny, so yeah, maybe once.

 

Is there anything else you think people who are seeking a unicorn should know?

 

You’ve got to know the Unicorn- just get to know them a little bit. Find out what their experiences are: find out what they’re into and then you can build a better dynamic, especially if you’re thinking about seeing somebody on a regular basis.  It’s as well to get to know them. Don’t assume that you are just going to meet up and fuck- that it’s just going to be like this amazing threesome and everyone’s gonna have an amazing time. That will only happen if you if you talk and you get to feel each other out. That’s my advice: get to know her and be interested in her rather than just her pussy.