While you are, of course, welcome to be offended by whatever you see fit, I may be able to clarify some your concerns.
UnicornHunting.blog? Unicorn Hunters are the worst! Don’t you know that’s a term of derision in poly circles?
-Yes I do. It was partially originally chosen for this reason. The blog is largely satirical. It was originally made to promote the (also satirical) book, Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: Your guide to scoring threesomes like a pro. The choice of language and style is not accidental, nor are the intermittently dehumanising references to women.
That’s right. The book was written and presented in the style of numerous other pick-up guides, promising to make the path to threesomes easier. In various places in the blog, the terminology and objectification of women is more than apparent- it is a parody.
Why would you do that?
Because telling people how to think and act from a scolding point of view only gets you so far. If you actually want to make people learn something, change society, hit them where it’s effective? You have to start from a safe space, in their own language, appealing to goals based on the mindset they currently have. Once you start there, things become possible. Slight change becomes possible.
This seems to be all about swinging, and that’s nothing to do with polyamory.
Whether you personally swing, or whether you approve of it, does not mean there is not overlap between the communities. Many of the topics are relevant to those who practice polyamory and many other styles of relationship and interpersonal interaction. The ‘holy grail’ of good polyamory is an entirely personal thing, and there is no one format that works for everyone. That is fine, and as it should be. If you reject anything that remotely relates to or is also applicable to swinging, that is also fine. These pages were not written for you.
What is the point of this?
The ultimate goal of the blog and book, when it first started, was to send a message to the ‘unicorn hunters’ many of whom were disrespectful, offensive, and unbelievably numerous on a daily basis, to myself and other single women, expecting them to be serviceable playthings to tick off the wishlist for their own sexual relationship goals with their partner. Did I run out of spoons? Yes I did. Did I despair of the poor treatment women receive? Yes I did.
I therefore had the idea to wrap up the lessons and things I really wanted the unicorn hunting (more swing than polyamorous) couples to know, by presenting it in a palatable way, promising them the knowledge and skills to be more successful in their quest, and appealing to them right at the centre of their goal. In fairness, the book does this. I spent many years on the swing scene, I’m a former professional pick-up tutor, and I am thoroughly entrenched in a myriad of wonderful, knowledgeable people on the ethical non-monogamy spectrum. None of the tips and tricks given are things I came up with – they were all already widely (and badly) used by other people. Usually couples wanting to ‘bag that spare F’. In order for the book to be effective, it was necessary to concisely intersperse these tips with the ultimate moral of the story: If you want to hunt unicorns, don’t hunt them. Start to see them as individual women with wants and needs and personalities of their own.
This may be a book based in swinging, but surely that message is equally applicable to poly triad hunters.
So you are actually against couples wanting threesomes?
No! Each to their own. But I am against it being done poorly, disrespectfully and for the wrong reasons. Many women I know genuinely ENJOY playing with, or even dating couples. Yet as much as they like it, really bad experiences are common. They don’t deserve that. They deserve the same kindness and attention that anyone would wish for. The same respect, the same freedoms to confidently assert their own desires.
This is encouraging promiscuity and a bad attitude to women.
It really isn’t. Nobody is going to read this blog or the book and want to do something they weren’t already interested in or trying their hand at. If anything, it’s likely to put people off.
I don’t like the fact that it’s a parody of something I’m against, and people might not realise that it’s not serious.
Is the whole thing satire?
No, although it started off firmly in that spirit, it has now moved to wider spheres and is aiming to promote inclusion, understanding and acceptance of more unconventional lifestyle choices and sexualities, often featuring articles about BDSM, LGBT perspectives and interviews with interesting people in and around the swing, kink, and sex-positive scenes. The title is still ‘unicorn hunting’ but the meaning is wider than the poly use of the term, and always has been. As you will see from the subtitle, it is about the search for utopia in the alternative sexuality scene.
I still feel like this is anti-feminist
Please see here for more info
I still just feel offended
Please see here to raise your concerns