You’ve actually come to the right place. I too am an (intersectional) feminist. I believe that a woman’s libido and sexuality are as much a part of her as a man’s is, and that stigma, shame and judgement are not something women should still be living with, anywhere in the world or in any part of society.
Unfortunately, we both know this is not currently the case.
Hopefully I can answer some questions you might have about why I therefore run this site:
-This site was originally designed to be satirical. It does state this elsewhere, but I will reiterate it. The title ‘Unicorn Hunting’ was a tongue in cheek choice, based on the commonly-used phrase for the poor behaviour often demonstrated by couples looking to pick up a single lady, and their attitudes and treatment of her as a toy/item/conquest/possession to fill their own perceived wants and demands. Clearly, this is not an appealing treatment for any woman to receive, and thus the notion was born to write a satirical pick-up book (using all the cheesy, sleazy promo language and attitudes of so many other pick-up books), promising tips and tricks to help these struggling ‘unicorn hunters’ to up their game.
What would be the purpose of such an endeavour? Well, here’s the thing. One can talk, and preach, and educate, and throw one’s hands up in exasperation and declare ‘I have no more spoons!’ when the 20th person of the day makes the same insulting errors at you. Ultimately, it feels like fighting the good fight- but the message will never really take root in those who are used to habitually thinking a certain way. Push too hard, and you alienate them.
What I have tried to do, is come at things from the level these people already think at. People can only learn from the place they start at, in an environment where they feel safe and you talk their language. What better way to get the people who you really most want to hear your message – the ones with the least understanding, the most misogynistic opinions – to actually listen and think, than to come at it sideways, with the promise of easier sex and conquests. That is why the book is presented the way it is, why the language is so seedy, and why the depersonalisation of the (target) woman is so profoundly obvious in some places. It was written that way deliberately to provoke a reaction.
Whether threesomes and swinging are ethical or unethical from feminist principles is not my place to judge. People are sexual beings, and sometimes tastes run that direction. Sometimes they do not. I am not dreaming that I can change the whole world, eliminate toxic masculinity and remove internalised misogyny (from women as well as men). I just wrote a little book, for a little niche area of human sexuality, for those who are already interested in it.
The book is a strange double-edged blade: on the one hand, it actually does teach tips and tricks- ways to improve your chances without changing your attitudes- and I was uniquely poised to write it after several years on the swing scene, seeing the very sneakiest strategies and blundering faux pas with great regularity. I’m also a former professional pick-up tutor (Lady Hitch, if you will) and have a few general lessons thrown in there which also cross over into swinging and threesome hunting.
On the other hand, the book is infused with stories from the ‘unicorns’ (awesome, open minded single women) themselves, about their own perspective and attitudes. The ultimate lesson, throughout the book and hopefully clear by the end, is that the way to be a unicorn hunter is not to view it that way at all, but to treat the women with respect, interest and as the individuals they are.
The book is dedicated to them.
–Why would I teach pick-up as a feminist? Surely it’s the ultimate misogyny? Well, in many ways yes. The bare bones of it teach a formulaic system that is centred on exerting an alpha male presence to utilise women in the most disposable of ways. Yet I had a different take on it. To my mind, the world seems to hold a shortage of dashing, charming men for the women to enjoy. The few who had the skills to captivate, the way I and all the women I knew would have liked, were overly aware of it and generally highly promiscuous, inconsiderate men.
Surely, I thought, all the shy men out there just needed a little help and encouragement to shine. They would be so happy to not be alone, to feel confident- and of course I would be doing a good thing for womenkind, to improve the pickings in what sometimes seems a very dry pool. I can’t say, after a while of doing it, that I found this to always be the case. Sometimes, beneath the shy, quiet exterior? Lies a shallow, creepy and extremely self-serving attitude. I was looking to polish diamonds in the rough, not unleash cavemen with a new social skillset. I no longer professionally tutor pickup in the way I did, and my own approach was much softer, more individualistic and responsive than the standard (how to rapidly assess the woman’s need at that time, and present oneself the perfect way to her. How to read the room. How to seem non-threatening. The different kinds of gentlemanly charm.)
-If the book is finished, why is UnicornHunting.blog still going? After the book came out, that might easily have been an end to it. The satirical little sleazy pick-up book, offering easier sex and threesomes to readers in exchange for a little piece of their brain space to work away on – a soft place to start humanising their ‘targets’ and showing them that it was, in fact, their own toxic notions that were poisoning their chances- a guide to make threesome-hunters more respectful and considerate.
Yet there was a following. Stories still kept happening – good and bad. Funny and advisory. Events still keep popping up. There kept being more lessons. It occurred to me that the first book should not be the only book. There was someone missing from my readership – my favourite of all people. The single women. There is now a survival guide for single women on the swing scene in the works, and it will be out in 2020.
The UnicornHunting.blog therefore still continues, reviewing events, examining issues that people seem to struggle with over and over, in trying to live life and find happiness in the urban social microcosm of the swing scene. It has other guest writers, looks at the BDSM scene, LGBT issues, suggests good, safe events for single women to attend and interviews interesting characters in and around the scene, to gain insight and perspective, and promote inclusion and understanding.
Hunting Unicorns, in the context of the title, no longer just means looking for threesomes. It is the search for utopia, ever shifting yet right beneath our noses. Check the strapline under the title.
If you’d like to read the book it’s here: Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: Your Guide to Scoring Threesomes like a Pro or excerpts of the chapters are available in the earliest blog posts.
Feel free to recommend it next time someone is cluelessly misogynistic – just don’t give the game away that it’s got a feminist agenda – that’s our little secret.