Friendly, sexy, and confident- what’s not to love about the happy couple behind the USA podcast Unicorn Hunt3rs? This adorable couple tells us how they got started on their ethically non-monogamous adventures, in the worlds of swinging, polyamory, seeking a triad and negotiating the sometimes-fraught waters of opening your relationship to explore your sexuality, while in a committed relationship.
– What is your podcast about?
Our podcast delves into the do’s and don’ts of inviting another woman into your bedroom, based on our own personal experiences. We briefly discuss varying topics regarding polyamory, swinging, dating, threesomes, etc., and then go into detail on personal stories regarding each topic. We try to be informative, entertaining, and to the point: each episode is only an hour or less!
-How did you first get started unicorn hunting?
I have always been very open about my sexuality with Jack, and he has always been very accepting of it. It is impossible to explore one’s bisexuality when you are in a monogamous, heterosexual marriage. Jack and I understood this, and started exploring different avenues such as polyamory and swinging very early on in our marriage. These adventures quickly led to me pursuing other women, dating other women, and sleeping with other women; some of which Jack has been involved in and some of which he has not. Unicorn hunting is a term that we use as a couple in an endearing way, mainly due to the poly community’s attempt to demonize it – we are trying to flip-the-script!
-What appealed to you about hunting unicorns?
The biggest appeal to a unicorn is simply what we already know about a unicorn – she’s a bisexual female! The hunting aspect, in my mind, is simply the pursuit or courting of the other woman. I have tried pursuing straight or bi-curious women and I have tried dating lesbians, but both come with their own set of complications. As a married woman, I have always found other bisexual women much easier to be with, and the possibility of Jack joining that relationship is always there.
-What made you want to start a podcast?
Jack and I decided to trek up to a popular restaurant for our anniversary this year, but the trip was a bit longer than what we were used to. We thought that listening to a new podcast would maybe make the trip seem a bit shorter, so we decided to look for a podcast that was specific to what we do as a couple. We have always been fans of various swinging and polyamory podcasts, but after a while we realized we weren’t going to find a podcast specific to couples looking for another female. That was our ‘Aha’ moment, and we decided right then and there to explore the possibility of starting our own podcast.
-Has there been a learning curve from when you first started?
We spent a good deal of time deciding exactly what we wanted our podcast to be, as well as researching how to even start a podcast. We knew going in that we wanted our podcast to follow a very specific and organized structure, i.e. crime podcasts, in order to avoid what a lot of similar podcasts do, which is going off topic too much. Luckily, Jack was already fluent in a lot of the software that we use, like GarageBand, Audacity, Photoshop, iMovie, etc. This made getting our podcast off the ground a lot easier, but we did have a pretty big learning curve on publishing, marketing, and even sound quality – all aspects that we are still amateurs at!
-Any unicorn hunting disaster stories?
Our failure stories are our favorite stories, as we find them way more entertaining! We are saving most of those for the podcast, but I will say that every good unicorn hunter has twice as many disaster stories as they do success stories.
-What would be your top tips for couples who want to start having threesomes?
Have a lot of conversations before you jump into it, and always try to be honest with each other about your wants and goals.
Men: make sure that you and your partner are completely into it before embarking on the hunt
Women: make sure that you are absolutely comfortable with it. A lot of people don’t want to hear this, but if you aren’t in a healthy relationship, then don’t do it. Never forget that you are involving a third person, and that third person will not save your marriage. Your relationship is only as strong as its weakest link, and adding more links to it via another woman will not make it any stronger.
-How do you find the swinger vs. poly communities respond to you?
The swinging community has been amazing, and has accounted for the vast majority of our listeners. They are very supportive and seem legitimately engaged in what we are doing. I think the reasoning behind this, is the fact that a lot of couples who seek a third female are usually driven into the swinging community by the resistance of the poly community. We have received a mixed bag from the poly community, most seem to be tired of the purists who like to demonize unicorn hunters, but the purists have been very abrasive towards us. They like to remind us how unethical our pursuit is, and even going as far as to tell us that what we are doing is damaging the poly community. We obviously disagree, as we see the reasons for the unicorn hunting hate as fundamentally flawed and baseless.
-Where can people in the USA best look for a likely third?
A lot of our success, surprisingly, is universal and has stemmed from friends, co-workers, and random people that we meet naturally in our everyday lives. Every couple is different though, so if these avenues aren’t working for you, then we would highly suggest searching for poly meet-ups and lifestyle parties in your areas. It’s always better to establish a relationship face-to-face-to-face with all three individuals, as opposed to online. Apps can work, but we find them to be way more difficult and fickle.
-How has your journey affected your relationship?
We have learned a lot about each other, things that we would never have known if not for this journey. Non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, but for us it has been an amazing aspect of our lives, one that has allowed me to continue exploring my bisexuality in a way that benefits not just me, but also Jack and our relationship as a whole.
-What do you look for in a unicorn?
We tend to gravitate towards confident, independent, strong-willed women who know exactly what they want. In any relationship, you are going to have growing pains, and for unicorns those growing pains can be even more difficult due to the fact that they are dealing with a couple who were already in an established relationship. It’s important to be honest and upfront, and to not be afraid to work things out with all parties involved; open lines of communication are critical.
-What advice would you give to prospective unicorns?
Your opinions and your feelings are just as important, if not more important, than the established couple. Never take a back seat, but know that it won’t be easy being with two people who more than likely already have kids, a home, a routine, and a connection that has been there for years. If you are in it for an ongoing relationship, then it’s important to try to enjoy the process and work on growing that relationship as a triad in a way that all three of you are on an even playing field.
-How do you set up a great night to seduce a unicorn?
Jack and I are the romantic type; we are really old school as far as courting women. We enjoy establishing a genuine connection with her first, and then wining and dining her. Her comfort level is top priority, so going on dates and hanging out with absolutely no pressure of sex is always our first move. No pressure dates usually include brunch, coffee, or maybe even a festival or hike during the day. Jack is an amazing cook, so if all is going well we will eventually invite her over for good food, good drinks, good conversation, and great sex.
-What is your opinion of women who want to unicorn? What do you think their motives are?
Through our experience and the women that we have been with, the motive tends to be a desire to simply try something different. A lot of the women we date are recently divorced or have been in the dating game for a long time, with little success. Divorces rarely end well, so the motivation to do something drastically different than your previous monogamous marriage is usually there. Most of our success tends to be with women who are simply bored with the dating game and want to up the ante a bit. It’s rare to find a woman who has an innate desire to date couples, it usually seems to stem from growing, learning and discovering what else is out there. In our minds, this is a completely healthy desire, and a desire that most men and women should try at least once.
-Do you have limits or rules you set for each other or your unicorns?
In our second episode we discuss the rules that we have for each other, but also how we try not to limit the experience. The other woman’s rules come first, and we always make sure that we sit and have an open and honest discussion before the three of us engage in sex. Jack doesn’t have any rules for me, but I do have a few rules for Jack; one obvious rule and some due to my own comfort level- the obvious one is the use of condoms, as we believe ‘raw sex’ or ‘fluid bonding’ should take place further down the road in an established relationship. The other two rules that I have are that I have to give the okay for Jack to engage in deep kissing or oral sex with her, but I tend to be pretty flexible on those rules. I find those two acts very intimate and special, and I want to be completely comfortable with the situation before I see Jack perform either. We are always accepting of another woman’s rules, and strictly adhere to them, but we do not have any rules for her.
-What extent would you allow a unicorn into your daily lives and relationship if you hit it off?
We have had long-term relationships with other women, which is, and always has been, our ultimate goal. We have had threesomes that ended almost immediately afterwards, but the motivation for Jack and I is to develop a relationship that goes beyond a one-and-done encounter. Our longest triad lasted about a year, and it was one of the most fulfilling things that I have ever experienced. Again, I am a bit of a romantic, so Professor Marston and the Wonder Women is a bit of a love song to non-monogamy in my eyes, and while I realize it is imperfect and dramatized, it is still the embodiment of what Jack and I ultimately want; if you haven’t seen it check it out!
-Have you experimented with other forms of poly/swinging? Do you feel the vibe or motivation is different and why?
We dabble in the swinging community. We enjoy meeting up with other couples where the wife is also bisexual, and then us women play and have fun after a nice dinner while the men watch. I will typically have sex with her and then I will have sex with Jack while she has sex with her husband, and we do all of this in the same room. We have never swapped, soft or full, but we are not opposed to it; we just have to meet the right couple. We enjoy the polyamorous lifestyle more; a long-term relationship with another woman has been more fulfilling and rewarding in our experience. Swinging is incredibly fun, and the people within the community are awesome, but it is very much no-strings-attached.
-Do you ever experience a sense of jealousy, and how do you deal with it?
All the time! Jack and I have always had a method for jealousy, which is to try and deconstruct it as soon as possible. Jealousy often stems from insecurities, or is often misconstrued with envy, so it is always a good idea to stop and really reflect on why you are experiencing it and whether it is truly founded. We have found that talking through jealousy and getting to the root of it not only helps eliminate it, but you can learn a lot about yourself and each other.
-How do you think swingers and unicorn hunters are represented in the media and entertainment? Do you think it’s realistic?
A lot of our reservations early on were due to our misguided opinions of the swinging and poly communities via the media. The reality is not as intimidating or as glamorous as what you may see on television or in the movies. We thought swinger parties were giant orgies in beautiful mansions and that the poly community wasn’t much different than the swinging community. Our first swinger party was at a basic hotel, and hardly anyone showed up – we left without seeing or having any sex. On the flipside, our first poly meetup was at a nature park and felt more like a rainbow gathering.
-What’s the one thing you wish you could change society’s mind about?
That sexuality is fluid, and so are relationships. That not everything has to be so black-and-white all of the time, and you might just enjoy yourself more if you spent a little time in the gray area. Deconstruct the societal norms, and do something unconventional every once in a while!
-What do you wish you could change single women’s minds about?
That society’s construct of monogamy is not always the way to go. That it is okay to try something unconventional. Everyone should try non-monogamy at least once in their life, you never know, you might enjoy it!
-What were your fears, hopes, worries when you first embarked on this journey?
For Jack and I, the biggest fear or worry was that non-monogamy wouldn’t work and that it would end in one of us straying from the other. What we quickly found out was that non-monogamy actually made us more open and honest with each other; it actually strengthened our marriage. A lot of the couples that we talk to, in the swinging community in particular, have found similar results in their marriage. We have also found that dating other women has not only enriched our relationship, but also enriched our lives individually.
-Is there anyone who should be off limits for seeking a third, and why?
Love can come from anywhere, so we don’t discourage any avenues. We go into a good amount of detail regarding this topic in our second episode, but the avenues that you would initially think should be off-limits, like friends or co-workers, have actually been the most successful and rewarding for us. Our first threesome was with a woman that worked in the same building as me, and our longest triad relationship was with a woman who knew Jack in college; it’s important to be open to any possibility.
-If you were to break down your unicorn hunting strategy into steps, what would you say the process is?
Locate, establish, comfort, and go! Locate the woman that you are both attracted to, someone you both connect with. Establish that connection/friendship and let it grow naturally – go on several dates or just try to simply hang out whenever possible. Ensure that she is comfortable with the both of you, because nothing scares off a unicorn like intimidation or the feeling of being uncomfortable. Once you’ve found that woman, that connection is there, and everyone is comfortable, have fun. Sometimes one or more of those steps can take a while, but it is always worth it in the end; don’t rush it!
-Is one of you more the instigator than the other when hunting? Or is it equal?
When it comes to me finding another woman or dating other women, Jack is certainly an instigator. He continually gauges my interest on women and always wants to know what I am thinking and where my head is at; he is my Hitch. He is very encouraging of our lifestyle and genuinely loves seeing me with other women. Jack is rarely involved when it comes to actually pursuing another woman; he typically comes in later on if the other woman is okay with it. When it comes to the bedroom, I am more of the instigator! I love being the orchestrator when we are with other women, we love laughing at the occasional awkwardness that ensues with most threesomes, but I enjoy keeping the flow going.
-What kind of women do you look for?
As far as race, appearance, and personality, we have been all over the spectrum with the women that we have dated and been with. I wouldn’t say that we have a particular type, but if you made us choose, I imagine she would be Latino. I am Puerto Rican, and Jack loves ethnic women, so we never say no to a sexy Latin woman.
-What’s your ‘killer move’ to change things from chatting to play?
We love games! When a threesome is the goal, we always start the evening with a casual game, and then try to transition into a fun drinking game. Cards Against Humanity is a good game to start with as far as a fun casual game that gets everyone laughing. Jack loves to pull out his dice drinking game after a while, which he explains how to play in our second episode; it gets everyone relaxed fast! Once everyone gets comfortable and the alcohol starts kicking in, I always segue into my sex dice. The sex dice typically doesn’t last long, and it has never failed to kick start a threesome!
-What’s in the future for Unicorn Hunt3rs?
We started this podcast as a hobby, and it has been a very good outlet for us creatively. We didn’t start the podcast to gain notoriety within the poly or swinging communities, as is apparent in our anonymity, and we did not start it to make money. We simply love to sit down and converse over shared topics. It gives us a break from day-to-day life, we love our kids, but sometimes it’s nice to sit with your husband, have a few drinks, and talk about your sexual exploits together. It is and always will be just a fun side project and hobby for us, regardless of what may come!
-Where should people hear your podcast and find your social media?
You can find us wherever you listen to podcasts, just search Unicorn Hunt3rs! You can also contact us on any major social media platform using the username @unicornhunt3rs. Or you can visit our website at www.unicornhunt3rs.com, where you can listen to our episodes, find links to our episodes on all of the major podcast services, and also find links to all of our social media pages.
Catch the latest adventures of the Unicorn Hunt3rs at:
Unicorn Hunt3rs website at www.unicornhunt3rs.com
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