Guest blog by Naughty Nick:
My only negative experiences in this lifestyle have been with couples, male and female; these have been so bizarre and harrowing that I literally refuse to entertain the idea of a meet with a couple. The simple MMF is not so simple at all and is an emotional bundle of ego, jealousy, fantasy and, in most cases for the couple, disappointment and a damaged and changed relationship.
From my experiences, it is typically the male in a couple who instigates and develops the fantasy of watching his wife or girlfriend with another man. Some want to be involved in the act, some want to watch, some don’t even want to be in the room at all and just have some photo and video evidence recorded for their wank bank! Either way, it’s obviously built up into a fantasy for them and whether through constant pressure or a genuine desire to try some forbidden fruit, the female has agreed to meet another man. The problem with swinging these days, in my opinion, and this is largely created by the internet, …it’s too easy! So the gap from fantasy, discussion, and reality via sites such as Fab, KK, SDC, etc. can be incredibly short. I think potentially you lose some of the discussion and thinking time – this is where it starts to go horribly wrong!
I’ve fallen into this trap several times, a meet as is placed on Fab or a trip to a club on a weekend – you often encounter these couples. they are very clearly looking for men and it is very clearly a fantasy. I have had two very bad experiences in this scenario and it has always boiled down to one thing- male ego! I responded to a meet post from a couple based in London, had a great profile, looked attractive in their photographs and were obviously an intelligent, young professional couple. We exchanged a few messages and set a date to meet at a bar close to where they lived, with a view to going back to theirs’ should we get along and things go well. They seemed lovely, we chatted, shared a few drinks, had plenty in common and ultimately we ended up back at their flat. This was obviously his dream come true and he seemed very excited- she seemed, if anything, incredibly nervous.
We started touching and playing and slowly found a rhythm. I reached down to slide my hand into her knickers and she let out a moan. I watched him get up off the bed at this moment but didn’t think anything of it. I carried on and she continued to respond to what I was doing, and was clearly enjoying herself and the attention. The more she got into it, the more I noticed he wasn’t in my view, then all of a sudden I was on the floor. He had pushed me off her and then set about lifting me to my feet via my shirt (things really hadn’t progressed far at all)( and then wrapped his hands around my neck. By this point, the shock was gone and I could actually make out what he was saying.
“Get your hands off my girlfriend, stop touching her!”
She was obviously shocked as well, as she was behind him shouting to get off me and what was he doing? I was really unsure what to do at this point, as there was no anger on my side, but he did have his hands around my neck. He then physically shook his head, as if to snap himself out of it, and left the room.
The scene he left was me in a shirt (that was all) with no doubt a slightly confused look on my face and a girlfriend who literally had her hand in front of her face in shock. She then apologized several times and left the room, I presumed to go find him. I guessed that this episode marked the end of my evening, so started putting my clothes back on. She came back into the room to inform me that he’d locked himself in the bathroom. I suggested that I should probably leave and not to worry, I understood that these things happen. Really, I was thinking it was a close call and could have ended in a worse way! I think, looking back, it was literally the confrontation of his fantasy and the reality of that fantasy colliding. Some things should remain a fantasy, especially where there are feelings and relationships, and everyday lives involved and had he had more time to think about it and talk about it with his partner, maybe he would have reached a different conclusion?
You’d have thought I’d have learned my lesson after this encounter and joined the dots between the couple MMF fantasy and a negative reaction from the guy, but no! I’m not that smart!
The second negative experience I had with the MMF dynamic was round a friend’s. He would often host parties at his fantastic house, different groups, and dynamics, but mostly with people experienced and familiar with the world of swinging. So I thought nothing of his invite to come over for a few drinks and possibly some play with a female friend of his (who I had met before), who enjoyed the company of several men at a time.
He also mentioned, and the writing should have been on the wall at this point, that she was bringing her new boyfriend. I should have known!
I think he knew as well, as the first thing he said when I got over was “She’s going to bring him, but says he’s cool and totally onboard. I wouldn’t have had them over otherwise.”
So we settle in, few drinks and then just hanging out when the door goes. In she walks, still stunning, just back from holiday with bleach blonde hair and a tan- and him, a huge guy who clearly went to the gym and looked after himself- which was fine, except he was drunk. Very, very drunk!
They sat down and the evening continued as it was, chatting, drinking – generally a good time! Then she made it clear that she was interested in moving things along and proceeded to take her clothes off. We obliged and did the same, and soon she was on her knees and having a great time. Again, I noticed that her very drunk boyfriend was sat back slightly and not taking part in what was unfolding. ‘Strange,’ I thought, but maybe he was waiting to see how things unfolded before joining.
We then moved over to the sofa, where she sat down. Out of nowhere, the very drunk, very large, boyfriend lunged forwards and literally sat on his girlfriend -parked himself right in her lap and threw his arms around her- then, and this is still my weirdest swinging experience by far- he proceeded to sob; sob like a wounded puppy. he was sat on her sobbing. Not at all how I saw the evening turning out!
Everyone else in the room, including the woman who now had a huge guy sat on her crying, was looking at one another in bewilderment. What the hell was going on? It was literally a shrug your shoulders moment. Once again it had come out of nowhere. After looking at each other for a bit, our host suggested we give them some time and sit in the kitchen, so we moved there leaving this poor girl with her boyfriend sat on top of her sobbing!
We sat in the kitchen for a half hour, chatting and drinking. Although a strange turn of events, we were all friends and friendly, so we just hung out. After half an hour our host stuck his head through the door and, believe it or not, the sitting and sobbing were still ongoing. It was then that I made my excuses and left. Yet again, the lack of communication had created a less than ideal scenario for all, however, I can go home and have no lasting effects. The couples in both these cases had had their relationships and dynamics changed. I don’t know how it played out in both cases, but if they had just communicated and talked through what they wanted, their respective fantasies, then the whole thing could have been avoided.
I won’t meet with couples, and I always ask people how long they have been on the scene. My advice to a couple exploring the idea of an MMF? Talk it over. You can’t discuss enough, as once you go there, you can’t go back!
Naughty Nick, Single guy, 30’s