This one is an ode to the single girls. The unicorns; prized, fetishized, misunderstood and dehumanised. You deal daily with a stream of objectification that would crack a Spartan warrior’s spirit, yet remain your amazing, individual and wonderful selves. I shall love you always.
Couples and single guys, please note the calibre of your competition.
*Some have been recreated, but the conversations are all real, and are from myself and single girls I know personally.
Because what girl doesn’t love to hear about your pornographic sexual conquests with other women? We are just walking holes to some people.
How to get in there first with a dick pic and ensure the coffee date you just arranged will never ever take place.
Because, clearly, the only thing standing between you and sex with every girl on earth is your girlfriend’s permission to play away. If you can see cleavage, it’s fine to skip the pleasantries; having boobs is the international symbol for ‘up for random sex,’ apparently.
A dick pic to a random contact you find on your KIK and have never spoken to. Entertaining ice breaker? No, not really.
Try saving your messages and not sending the same ones over and over. And listening to the response your intended gives you.
Because over 30’s are strictly for sex. Obviously. #cougar
Opening up to this flasher monologue was not enticing me to meet them
Perhaps he thought it sounded mysterious?
Opening with a sexual question and then sticking a brag in should really get them interested, right?
Clearly quite the conversationalist.
Because what girl doesn’t want to be loved for her big black booty?
‘Went’ is great. Who could resist a guy who wants to pimp you out to his random friend?
Because all great relationships start with a guy looking for a ‘cum dump’. I bet he’s going to be really smooth in person.
Are they pimping me some big ass slut boys? What does that even mean?
Any ‘bareback breeding slags’ looking for an anonymous misogynistic stranger to father their offspring? No. Thought not.
Wonder if he also feels that way about his Momma?
These openers really are a sad indictment of society, and in many cases, the education system. If a woman is on a swinger site, it means she enjoys having sex with a selection of the very finest, most attractive and interesting men (and women). That she is liberated enough to own her femininity and sexuality, and confident enough to expand her horizons beyond the archaic social regulations set down by society. Why this should mean that some people think she’s a walking sex toy, willing to do anything with anyone, or even some sort of sub-human being to be exposed to verbal abuse, slander and pictures of your genitals on an hourly basis, is unclear.
If these approaches are even vaguely like yours, reconsider your strategy. Send a picture of your face, not your dick, and get your mother to proofread it before you send. Not comfortable with that thought? Then she’s not going to want to see it either.
Feel like you need a shower? There will be more to come. Probably in an hour or so. Welcome to the inbox of a single girl on the swing scene.