The world is a changing place; I think more and more people will be open to non conventional relationships. I think many unicorns wish to be captured. It’s remarkably common. We just find more and more single girls approach us and in normal settings – not just sex parties. I would say most weekends a girl approaches us with the intention of some mischief. My other half is very striking though, she is 6 foot – 6’4 or 6’5 in heels. When we are out we are clearly having a good time. I think that’s the main attraction. My partner would say that the girls want to be with me but are going through her…but I think they actually want to be with her. I would say that I get a lot of attention BECAUSE of my partner. We both draw attention I suppose. Hard not to notice us…For quite some time we suppressed our erotic side. I don’t actually think our erotic side is ‘dark’. I think when we are out we just look like we are happy together…but also playful with others. We were at one masquerade party in Dublin in April- now it wasn’t a sex party – five separate girls asked if they could come home with us. One would not accept no for an answer, as she was besotted with my lady.
Dark Knight & Lady Darkness, 43, Sapiosexual couple on a mind exploration journey
Standard pick up theory that men use to acquire vanilla girls, talks a lot about projecting an image and becoming the alpha male in the room. Though a lot of pickup theory ceases to be relevant, or is turned on its head (for example, demonstrating value as a one-off sexual partner rather than as a general partner) when in the swing scene, there are elements of it that are still helpful to have in your arsenal. For this reason, here we have a little overlap of worlds.
I went to an ‘elite’ swing party with a single girl to try out a new venue once- we were on the dance floor, glow bands on our wrists announcing us as targets for the world to see. She rapidly decided to dance naked, as she likes to do. We were pretty much the only ones stood up. All around the walls, like 11 year olds at a school disco, couples sat together tightly in their pairs, looking awkward. Not speaking. Not dancing, or mingling, or moving, or projecting any energy other than a defensive one. They carried on largely this way for a good couple of hours. These are people who had paid the rather hefty couples’ ticket prices to either partner swap or pick up single girls, yet they sat there rather miserably wasting time. I even tried to jolly a few into a chat or a dance, but they were all just rabbits in the headlights. They had become the Omegas in the room.
Contrast this to the tale above, where the couple are enjoying life, each other and projecting a positive, open energy wherever they go. People like positive people. People like fun, open people, they feel safe with and don’t have to work too hard to crack into on a surface level. We all have times where we feel on fine form- looking and feeling good, and everything just seems to fall into place for us at those times. People seem friendly, things go right. Equally, we have a ‘bad day’ where everything goes wrong. Certain people just seem to radiate charisma – the lucky devils. Fortunately, charisma is not generally innate- it is a learned skill. The more time you spend actively radiating it, the easier and stronger it becomes. You may initially feel like a fraud. Luckily, nobody can tell the difference between fake and innate charisma – it will all work for you. Getting into character- finding a way to turn on this mode when you aren’t feeling it- is like the starter motor to your car. The detonator to your dynamite. Or, as I like to call it, Dumbo’s feather.
I once knew a guy. This guy was nothing to look at most of the time. He mumbled, he slumped. You’d walk straight past him. Yet he had a transformation routine. The glasses would come off and the contacts in. The hair would go up with wax. The cologne would go on. Ahh, the cologne. That was his Dumbo’s feather. He swore it made girls fall at his feet. Suddenly, with this little ritual, Clark Kent was Superman. He stood tall, radiated happiness, oozed sex appeal. He basked in the glory of his own value and attractiveness. We had single girls try to pick us up for threesomes at regular, vanilla venues. He was the Fonz, the rock star of any room. All because of the cologne? His favourite pick up line was, “Do you like sex?” and it worked.
To a large extent, everything you do to put yourself in the zone where you are feeling good and beaming out sunshine, is your Dumbo’s feather. Your expensive clothes, your hairstyle, your abs, your chat up lines; everything that you put faith in to make you attractive, other than putting faith in yourself. Reality is, you don’t need any of it- only you do. Because whatever your magic switch to turn your inner light on is, that’s fine. Use it all the time.
This really steps outside the realms of strictly obtaining MFF threesomes to general influence and charm, and you can work on it in any sort of self-help or standard pick-up book. The only reason to add it here, is to say don’t forget to keep using it. Your status as a couple should mean you are both burning brightly with charisma and bouncing off each other, not relying on each other for support, to avoid projecting yourself out there.
*Image by Daniel Anderson