Rah, 46, single girlie
How did your first mff come about?
In my early 20s when I rang a number for a girl looking for a girl which was in The Times newspaper! I was living in Hammersmith at the time – we met, instantly liked each other and pretty much hung out as much as we could. Fairly innocent fun, kissing and stroking on club dance floors and drew attention to ourselves, while having a lot of fun. Our first MFF was with a male friend of mine who lived in Chelsea, your typical Sloane climbing the ranks!! I think Max (her pseudonym) and I would have been happy to just play together but he added a new dynamic to our close bond for a night! We went home with him after a night out drinking and dancing. We continued to have twosome and threesome fun when we felt the urge. My next MFF was as a couple, with a female friend of mine who I had been seeing a year or so before. It was slightly drunken and fun. But we chose not to repeat it.
As for me joining a couple as a single girl, this didn’t happen until a Killing Kittens’ event where I was approached by the female of the couple to come and play. We played at the party and at my home, but as it was their first I was very much the instructor and leader in this threesome, making sure everyone was comfortable and had a good time. We did.
Would you describe yourself as a unicorn?
I don’t really get this label – I am many things to many people. But a girl that specifically plays with couples? No
How do you feel being the unicorn in an mff differs from being the primary female?
Hugely – but that very much depends on the couple you play with. Some bring in a female to focus their attentions on, and this is a delightful experience, as you have the undivided sexual amour of a man and a woman who are in tune with each other and have clearly discussed what they want from the experience long before you turn up on their doorstep. Sadly, the other side to this is the less well informed who simply want the MFF, the girl is bi-curious (I know you have to start somewhere but this really isn’t for me) and the boy wants two women sucking on his cock to keep in his wank bank. These couples usually end up falling out over petty jealousies, or the girl isn’t secure enough to handle a confident women, and the attention her man is giving me. As a people pleaser, this is hard, you want it to be a great memory for all, and you also don’t want the drama of having to sort it all out.
What is your favourite dynamic in a mff?
This really depends on the people – I have no favourite, couples, three singles, friends, whatever….. it is all good if everyone knows what their role is and communicates what they want – and being a filthy minx or tomcat helps too! People who give in and let the sensation and experience take over and stop worrying about how they look, or what the other one is up to.
Do you prefer couples, women or single men?
I love threesomes, but not when emotion is involved.
Do you find there is a difference in the way the three groups approach you?
Again, this depends on the people and their knowledge of the scene. Inexperience can lead to some cute approaches from couples, who don’t know how to start it with another girl. That’s quite endearing for me. A certain innocence in this day and age – and if the couple is new to it, and I am helping them achieve a fantasy for the first time, then this thrills me.
Single men will always be the most up front or the biggest liars and often the most dull – they want to fuck. Their approach is often crass and without thought of me as an individual. Maybe it is hanging about on the kink scene more, where people know their boundaries, respect their choices and don’t judge. I have had one approach at a club, where a man spent an hour at the bar chatting and getting to know me, then quizzed my friends about me before we played. This I loved, he wanted to take the time to find out what I liked and how I played.
Single men don’t often want to put in the effort. To me swinging/playing/promiscuity still requires the element of understanding and effort. My first Fabs meet took me 9 months of emails, then texting, then meeting for a coffee and chat, before I finally played with him!
Women are simple – we understand each other and the approach is usually as a friend or admirer, which then turns into something sexual. But it still feels like two friends having fun together, becuase they share something unique, and beautiful – womanhood.
What is the worst approach you’ve ever had?
It wasn’t really an approach, but I have been followed about at clubs or parties, not coming and chatting to me, just following me about and hanging outside the girls’ toilets! I also love confidence in men, but overstep this mark and you end up with arrogance – arrogant men that tell you you’re coming home with them without even asking! With couples I hate it when you find out after a week that you have been chatting to the man via text, and not the girlfriend as they have put across to you. Naughty, and frankly tedious. Also people trying to get you back for a private party, which doesn’t really exist, they just want to get you home. Anyone who isn’t honest – men, women or couple, will fail in their approach.
An ex of mine always used to ask to come in and use the loo, then force himself on women, well dom them. Wanker!
What would make a couple stand out to you as a good potential play pair?
An open mind, a sense of fun, while still maintaining some innocence and awe of it all! That’s a big ask I know. Failing that being damn hot! But also, and importantly having standards. That take a step back and look at who they would like to play with and why, and approach you letting you know why they chose YOU.
When you’ve been the primary female in setting up an mff, what strategies do you find have worked best for you?
I have tried to not to bring a new girl into this situation, I think the females should be friends first before expecting another girl to partake in a threesome. I have usually then put the female in touch with the male I want a MFF with, so that they can get a feel for each other and build some chemistry together. This is important – while I used to be able to turn up at a random doorstep and play, most women don’t. They like to feel a bit of a connection and some trust. Facilitate this for all parties and you have the start of a good threesome.
Are you cautious of introducing a unicorn to a primary play partner? Have you had any bad experiences?
Only with men I’ve dated! Mainly doms. Three awful experiences where I felt totally left out and insignificant despite being the male’s girlfriend. It felt like he just was interested in new blood! But if I am not romantically involved I am happy to introduce – but on my terms.
Men that ask constantly for a MFF bore me too. Show me you deserve the amount of effort and time this takes.
What would be your ideal, fairytale scenario for your life? Your happy ending?
I have recently learnt that three things can provide happiness. Company, counsel and loyalty. This doesn’t mean monogamy, just honesty. We can’t own someone sexually, and if you can behave in a way to allow freedom, but honesty, good company, and counsel when they need it – it’s a winning formula. That said, I am a hopeless romantic and still long for the fairytale wedding and a Facebook filled with joint selfies of ourselves discovering foreign places and going to cool festivals with our kids in tow, all in glitter make-up.
How do you feel single girls on the scene are perceived?
In most cases they are revered for being wanted by both couples and single men. I don’t like overtly promiscuous girls, and tend not to play with these. But without the wonderful single girls you’d be left with couple’s swinging clubs! I have never felt that I was less than any other single girl on a vanilla dating site. I think they are seen as a thing a beauty, if they show class.
What strategies do you use to identify which single girls would be your best targets for an mff?
If I like them and get on with them! I don’t set up MFFs with girls I don’t know, even if this getting to know is just messaging for a while.
What advice would you give to a couple setting out to have their first mff?
Don’t be pushy, there is nothing worse than constantly asking someone for it. Let it evolve naturally. Spend some time getting to know your extra F and what she likes. And don’t ask for pictures, just get out and meet them and see if there is chemistry all round. Let the girl do the chatting in the main, as girls bond more quickly.
Any final words of wisdom?
Don’t make an MFF the holy grail, there is much to discover and try before you think you need to add another female. Make sure you all want to do this, and you are not a people pleaser like me that agrees to do things just to keep their man happy! You have one life, live it as you want to, not how someone else thinks you should.