There should be no power in a threesome. It should be for mutual pleasure based on equality.
Sexy couple, 40
It is often the case that the perceptions and motives of a unicorn will shift, depending on where she is in her journey and her experiences so far. Most guides to obtaining a threesome will focus heavily on discussing limits with your partner, and making sure you are both happy with your plans, have a get-out strategy if one of you finds you are unhappy, etc. This is, in itself, a difference in power in the relative relationships between the couple and the single girl. Of course, you will likely discuss what you are and aren’t happy with with your unicorn before you get to the bedroom (or sofa, sex party, hot tub, etc), but the difference is that the two of you have already made these rules, and she is expected to either agree to them or to say no. You are negotiating as a single unit, with her. She is negotiating alone.
Most unicorns start off believing a threesome is about the quote above. A free, liberating sexual experience based on mutual enjoyment. A sexy adventure between 3 individuals. Unfortunately, after a few experiences, she is likely left feeling somehow uncomfortable and dissatisfied, yet unable to put her finger on exactly why. There are a few reasons for this:
- her needs weren’t met. This can be anything from her sexual needs, to the way she was hoping to feel about herself during and after. You need to take the time to explore her needs as an individual, rather than trying to shoe-horn her into the image of your ideal fantasy partner. Otherwise she will feel used and lonely.
- The power dynamic was wrong. I have been approached by a beautiful couple before- her immaculately dressed, with designer clothes and long dark hair, to set up what sounded like an enjoyable luxurious evening of dinner and hotel room frolics. She showed me a picture of her partner – they had, unusually, met on the swing scene and got together. He was tall, dark and well built, with an attractive face. They had plenty of experience. Initially, I was very up for it. Yet as the date got closer, she started giving me instructions. What I was to wear. How to do my hair and nails. Whether I could smoke. What her partner did and didn’t like. What I was and wasn’t allowed to do. In the end I cancelled. They didn’t want me, as I was. They wanted an imaginary person. It rapidly became clear to me that I was to be a passive plaything in the scenario, completely under her control, to do as I was instructed to demonstrate her prowess, power and control over other women to her boyfriend. I knew I would not have enjoyed that. Funny enough, her boyfriend contacted me a while later, after they had broken up. He said he disliked how predatory she was, and that he saw himself as more of a poly*. I didn’t meet him in the end though- he was rather obsessed with discussing pornography and still made me feel objectified.
- The unicorn detects a difference in the enthusiasm levels between the partners. It has, unfortunately, been my experience when joining couples, that there tends to be one person who is the driving force, and one who is along for the ride. You might assume it would be the man, but this is not always the case. In addition to some women asserting power over the spare F (whether it is a wish to control through insecurity, or simple enjoyment of dominating the proceedings), there is the uncomfortable situation in which you realise one of the two is really not enjoying things. The woman may be writhing around and moaning, yet bone dry. The man may be rock hard for you, yet you see there is a sadness somewhere in his eyes. There may be some unicorns who don’t notice this, or don’t care, but I always have. It makes me feel bad, and whatever they might say, I know they would rather not be here doing this. So why does a person in a relationship agree to a threesome if, on some level, they don’t want to? Well, the same reason they do anything. Because they feel they have to. Because they want their partner to be happy in general, and with them. To prove their love for their partner. To prove their suitability for their partner. To become the person they feel they ought to be for their partner. It can also be the case, particularly with couples new to obtaining threesomes, that the reality of the event, and how they would feel about it, was not clear to them when it was a just fantasy. Feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, sorrow and complexities of self image and worth can arise. I’ve seen novice couples break into fights, run off, and even cry when it comes to completing the act. It is not always easy for everyone to separate their emotions from the sexual act, and all the history of emotional associations built around sex throughout their lives.
The quote above represents what is probably the ideal situation for most unicorns, yet it is hard to achieve due to the stronger bond between the couple. This can be overcome with time, or if there is already a strong bond between the two women. In theory this should be the same if both women had a strong bond independently with the man, but it tends not to work that way, as the women don’t know and trust each other, so tend to be more insecure and competitive. I have known at least one single man who uses this to his advantage in obtaining threesomes with two women who don’t know each other- he sets up a competitive vibe, where both will try to outdo each other for his pleasure. Although this may be fun for him at the time, and puts him in a position of power, it is usually unsatisfying and upsetting for both women. It’s also a great way to stir up potential drama, so I would suggest avoiding it. You can have just as much fun with two single women who are good friends – they will feel in control of the situation, happily use you- the male- as the sex object, and walk away feeling great afterwards, drama-free.
The unicorn in your MFF will almost never truly experience a feeling of equality with you both as individuals. It is for you to be aware of this and try to compensate. She will not have you afterwards to discuss things with. She will not have your love. She will not have your companionship and sense of an adventure shared in doing this. She will not have discussed strategy and been hunting with you. Afterwards, she goes home alone. She very much comes to you as the passive party, and she knows it. Most unicorns are extremely respectful and careful of treading on anyone’s toes or violating your limits. There are a few who aren’t, and will flout grabbing power from you in your face, but you will learn to rapidly identify them. They aren’t subtle. They will start on your partner without checking for your agreement, then turn around and smile at you triumphantly. If I’m at a party and I’d like to play with a couple, I will always ask the other part of the couple before I do anything. For example, “May I kiss your wife’s breasts?” or “is it okay if i suck his cock?”
Once you have captured a unicorn, is it best to release her or keep her for later?
You may feel more secure as a couple if you have set limits beforehand, such as only seeing any girl one time, but you make work for yourself in finding a new one. If you all have a good time and enjoy the sex, the unicorn may well be happy to play again another time. Most girls like to have a circle of sexy friends they can see now and then. Equally, having played once, the unicorn may be happy to be friends but never play again. Regular sex, of any kind, can grow to feelings of attachment, and some unicorns will prefer to avoid this if they think they might be vulnerable to it. If she says no after the first time, don’t necessarily be insulted. She may just be protecting herself. She may also have seen the close loving dynamic between you, and feels she would like the the same thing for herself- not necessarily with either of you, but in general.
Although there are a very small number of what might be called ‘true unicorns’ – women who do couples as a preference- they are very few and far between. Most of the unicorns are women no different from you, who have an idea that one day they will be the primary F with someone. They just haven’t found the right someone yet, and want to carry on having fun while looking. If you understand this about the women you target, you will have a much higher success rate with them.
*Poly- Poly-amorous person. A person who chooses to participate in a non-monogamous relationship structure.