Being a single bisexual woman in the scene of swinging, I have had many experiences with couples. A few great experiences and a few that have left me cautious of couples.
I often find that the most successful threesomes I’ve had were when the female half and I got on well. I always feel like I need to establish that level of trust and respect with them to be comfortable to play with her partner as well as her.
Unfortunately there are times when often the male half of the couple can be too keen for his own good and ask to arrange a meet between the two of us before meeting them both. This often puts me off because I can do that with a single guy of my choice. To go from a potential threesome to just meeting half of the couple almost feels like an audition before meeting them together.
Personally, I prefer to meet couples at clubs and parties because threesomes happen more organically that way, it’s often daunting to be one person meeting two people who have each other’s back. Maybe that’s why its hard to ‘capture’ a unicorn outside of her environment.
Mae, 30, unicorn
There is one sure fire way to get inside of a unicorn- enter her through her mind.
Being a couple who fancies trying a threesome doesn’t make you kinky, or even rare. It’s probably the most prevalent sexual arrangement people have in society in the UK, and it’s on the rise. You have the benefit of love, comfort, company, someone to split the bills with, yet still the added sexual spice of fresh new sexual partners. And to make it even better, you can hunt them down together! Like a shared hobby. Those who play together stay together, right? And you are educated, charming, good looking. Why wouldn’t a hot bisexual girl jump at the chance to get two for the price of one?
Yet the reality of the situation is there is a lot of time spent on internet sites, trying to get a response, picking out your targets and trying to chat them up together, a few promising leads, and eventually a disappointing ghosting. Are the girls all fake? Well some are. Let’s go step by step through your options for obtaining likely targets.
We live in a world of messengers and chat rooms and kink apps, and if there a niche group you want to find, chances are something exists for it. Despite the inherent logic, you are unlikely to have much success aiming at bisexual women’s sites, like HER. Although you will see a lot of ‘single’ bisexual women on them, they are nearly always in a pair of their own, and scouting for single females too. This is a strategy we will discuss later. Genuine single bisexuals will usually be inundated with dozens of messages a day from couples wanting threesomes already – to the point where they feel treated as a sex object and will rebuff your advances before you even get started. Likewise, bisexual and lesbian clubs are not likely to take kindly to your efforts. You need to go niche.
Of the UK female population, perhaps 1% are genuinely single bisexual women. Of those, assuming you aren’t choosy, perhaps 10% will be adequately attractive or ‘your type’ enough for both you and your partner to consider them suitable. Narrow this down to the ones in a reasonable radius, and you have very slim pickings. It’s probably not worth seeking too far afield- it just tends to not end up happening. So, bearing in mind you will find a small handful of what appear to be suitable candidates, some of whom are not genuine, and all of whom will be inundated with threesome requests, how do you single out a real unicorn in a field of fast moving zebras?
- Use the right sites. Off hand, you could try killingkittens.com, heavencircle, Feeld, threesomecontacts.com, findathreesome.com, yourtango.com, 3nder.org, polyamory.com, Fabswingers, and a few others. Fetish sites are another option, if you aren’t altogether vanilla, but for now let’s keep this simple. You will probably find the other site members are mainly couples, and you will likely get quite a lot of unsolicited pictures on some sites. Make yourself a good profile. Write about yourselves as individuals to seem human, and take some really good pictures, separately and together. Your washboard abs will not stand out among a sea of the same. Use a face picture if you can, even if its not full view. This is your shop front to sell yourself. Avoid writing lots about how happy you are together, or writing about each other in flattering ways. It’s a little nauseating for the single girl you are hoping to bag. She’s not going to be part of any of this relationship intimacy, so if you start off on that foot you are going to make her feel alienated from the get go. Talk instead about what she’s going to get. Talk about your fitness, be charming, talk about the things you like to do so she can see if you have common ground. Talk about what her time with you is going to be like. Are you hoping for an ongoing thing, or a one off? If its a one off, offer to meet her socially first and talk about the fantastic night you will have together; dinner, dancing, drinks, luxury, maybe a weekend in a spa? Let her know you will wine and dine her and win her over long before you expect her to decide whether she wants sex with you (and don’t expect her to pay the bill either!)
- Now you are ready to go, strike up an opener with something funny and complimentary. Be specific, and show you have read her profile! She’s given you a coded instruction manual on exactly what she wants and how to seduce her. Don’t wait for her to message you. Don’t scattershot the same email all over the place to all your targets. Make it tailored, respectful, appreciative and personal. We aren’t fishing with dynamite here. Unless she specifically asks you to, please don’t send her pictures of your genitals or the two of you having sex together. It will never turn her from a no to a yes, but will almost always turn her from a yes to a no.
- Establish your quarry is genuine. You can upload pictures on google reverse image search and see if that alluring body is actually pinched from a lingerie ad. After conversing for a little while, ask her to send a selfie with her finger on her nose. This is rare enough that if she’s taken someone else’s shot as her own, she’s unlikely to be able to find one or photoshop fast enough. Be sure to send the same too, so it’s fair. It will also mean you can see what she looks like today, not 20 years ago.
- Having got this far, you are doing well. If she’s responded to you a couple of times and you’ve verified she’s not a fake, you have a good target, who is at least considering the idea. Build rapport, work your charm, but find out about what she wants. Follow the cues she gives you, throwing in the odd sincere compliment now and then. If you can, get her to video chat with you briefly. You’ll both learn a lot more about whether you will like each other in person than you will in a year of messaging. See if you can pin her to a preliminary meeting for coffee if she’s nearby, or talk about the amazing date you’d both like to take her on. Charm her, win her over, spoil her a little. Get her phone number and fix a date with her to see her or talk to her again. And stick to it. You can’t afford to play hard to get, because you have too much competition. If you let her drift away, by next week you’ll be one of a sea of faces who all wanted the same thing from her. She’s looking promising, but she’s not in your net yet. Prepare to ramp up your game for phase 2, which we will talk about in another blog post.
It is a common sexual fantasy of couples to ‘pick up a girl at a bar’. It almost never happens, and if it does its usually a complete fluke. As we’ve discussed, real unicorns are few and far between. Unfortunately for you, they don’t actually wear a horn on their head. Although there are clues sometimes, they are not reliable. Even an experienced unicorn hunting veteran cannot tell just by looking, in 99% of cases. Fortunately for you, you have 2 options:
- Seed your hunting grounds. As with pheasant hunting, you bring the birds to you in a concentrated area, then you have much better odds. You can do this by starting a forum thread on a suitable site to arrange a meeting, hosting a party (a more advanced and complex endeavour) or even starting a rumour that something is happening at a regular bar, once you have enough contacts in the swing world. I’ve tried this, it can work, but is probably the option that is the most work and actually the least fun in the end.
- Go to the right places. With the rise of ethical non-monogamy and couples wanting to share the whole of their sexual natures with each other, there are a number of venues you can pay to go to where the hard work is done for you. In terms of man hours of effort versus threesome opportunities, they work out excellent value for money, and are also a jolly fun way to spend an evening. Selecting the venue that is going to work best for you is going to take a mixture of planning and experimentation. Research the websites. Ask opinions from people who have been. Look at the cost and the area and travel and arrangements required. You could try anything from a luxury swingers week in a Mediterranean naturist colony (Cap D’ague comes to mind) to a more modest first foray to an elite swingers party, like killing kittens or Jon Blue, or try a sex club like Le Boudoir or Kinky Salon. Prices and themes vary widely. If you are concerned about hassle from single men, note that most events are couples and single girls only. ‘Full swing’ or partner swapping is not required (nor is doing anything at all for that matter!), nor do most couples do it. Most of them are there just like you, looking for a spare F. Be friendly and chat nicely with them- you never know, sometimes the girl in another couple is actually single and ‘just brought her friend’. There will also be a handful of single girls at the events, generally not enough for one per couple I’m afraid. Be sure to read up on the rules and etiquette for each venue- they do vary widely, and you are likely to be ejected if you flout the rules. These venues will give you a chance to meet and mingle, and perhaps charm a single girl or two, whether for the evening or for another time. You will often find the single girls go in groups together, like a little herd of gazelles.
Having found your targets, you have passed the first hurdle. You might imagine the next step is to slyly bag them with a single shot, using your prowess, good looks, charm and general sexiness. But you’d be wrong. The next step is to do what any good hunter does- you watch and wait, and find ways to get into the mind of your quarry. Do it right and they will tamely follow you home. Do it really well, and they will think they are the ones dragging you home. Do it wrong and you will watch them go off with someone else. The next stage of the game is sufficiently complicated and variable, with so many potential strategies, that it deserves a good few blogs of it’s own.