Female motivation in MFF threesomes

Here’s my threesome story. Figured it would be best to start at the very first one, LOL.  I think I was 22 going on 23.  I hadn’t planned on having a threesome, my friend with benefits at the time decided to arrange it after talking about me to one of her friends, that I fancied.  I reckon it is on most people’s bucket list – regardless of the form of it.  Anyway, meeting up with my friend with benefits at a hotel as normal, I ended up being blindfolded, then having a ‘mystery woman’ ride my face, whilst the other was giving me a blow job…the blindfold came off and a couple of hours later it was all over.  I was very much satisfied and hooked.  Since then I’ve been in mmf, ffm, ffmm and a couple of gangbangs besides the odd orgy.  I did ask my friend with benefits why she had done it and surprised me with it.  Her response? ‘I love the sight of you pleasing another woman.’

Karl, 28, Single male, engineer

 

‘Lucky Karl’, we might say.  In this account, it is not Karl, but what we might call a ‘female primary’, who has arranged the scenario.  Though he describes her in an unconventional term in terms of classic heterosexual relationships as not being his wife or girlfriend, she and he appear to have the primary bond out of the three interactions that exist in the MFF scenario.  What has most likely made it easier to achieve this goal, however, is the pre-existing bond she had with her female friend.

In arranging any kind of sexual intercourse, there is usually a path to be followed in development of trust and connection, between all parties involved.  Though under certain circumstances this can be avoided, in engineering a private MFF it is usually vital.  Because the female primary had already developed a relationship of sorts with the secondary female (spare F), from the secondary’s perspective, she already had a bond of trust and connection with the primary female.  This feeds into strategy of attack, which will be discussed in a later blog.

Certainly, not all female friendships would be suitable for this endeavour, and with existing non-sexual friendships there is the risk of doing damage to the dynamic, not just through the interaction if successful or unsuccessful, but through the introduction of an unfamiliar context by the suggestion alone.  We do not, however, know what the usual interaction between the primary and secondary female usually was- were they acquaintances? Had they been sexual with each other before? Had they participated in MFF together before?  Some circles of friends are more casually sexual within a group than other are. He says he had seen her before and fancied her, so she was not entering into a completely unknown set-up.  Therefore, we could speculate that the motivations of the secondary female may have been:

-to explore a pre-existing attraction to the primary male, without risking her connection to the primary female

-to explore a pre-existing attraction to the primary female, without risking that connection or having to dwell on the notions of her sexual identity and sexuality

-to participate in an adventure or exploration, using her pre-existing friendship with the primary female to engender a sense of safety and security, a ‘shared adventure’ with a friend

-She may have had a pre-existing wish to explore participating in a MFF herself, whether for the first time, or because she had tried it previously and had a good experience.

-She may have enjoyed a sense of power, at being the sexy, unfamiliar person in the MFF, the ‘other woman’ (which some women do enjoy) or at her own sexual mastery and freedom in participating in what is still, for many people, a sexual fantasy, boosting her self esteem 

From the position of the female primary, there are also motivations that can be examined.  Though she says it was because she loved seeing him give pleasure, there are layers to this.

-She may have loved seeing it:  In that she has voyeuristic tendencies and is aroused by the sight of sexual activity with someone she finds attractive

-She may have loved giving him pleasure, in that she was happy he was happy – whether altruistically or because she had set it up for him, engendering a sense of personal power and mastery that she had executed a sexual fantasy successfully

She may have found her arousal was heightened by small elements of primal jealousy, making him seem all the more attractive in her eyes to see another woman with him.  This is really just an extension of the age old ‘make them jealous’ ploy, but it is using it on yourself to heighten your sense of lust for a person, increasing the intensity of the experience, rather that getting them to date you.

-She may have found this was a way of exercising control in a situation where she knew the  male primary was attracted to her friend, and preferred to engineer a situation in which she was included, and received credit and respect for her efforts, rather than worry about how the situation would unfold if she didn’t intervene.  She is not described in terms of a committed relationship, and even if her feelings for him were not strong, it is still possible for primal alpha female dominance and jealousies to arise subconsciously. Taking the role of female primary in a bold manoeuvre to effectively execute a fantasy sex act can be very empowering, on a personal level, and in establishing a dominant role in both the eyes of the secondary female and primary male.

-Maybe she had a good experience previously with MFF threesomes and wanted to try it again, with a friend she also found attractive

-Maybe it was on her wishlist to partake in one, or to engineer one.  The difference between enjoying the act, and enjoying the (sometimes Machiavellian) planning that goes into setting one up occur in very different parts of the psyche, and knowing which aspect appeals more to each party is quite crucial in engineering a good MFF.  The strategy used is completely different, and if you get it wrong your fish will rapidly be off the hook.

From the male perspective in this case, Karl appears to be the passive party.  He wasn’t instrumental in the set-up, he wasn’t aware it would happen until it did.  Yet he did a few simple things that enabled it to happen.  He was open with his female primary- in that he was attracted to her friend and  indicated to her he would enjoy the possibility if she were to set something up.  He maintained a relationship with her that was good enough and sexual enough that she had the confidence to arrange it, knowing he would enjoy it. He let his female primary have all the power in the MFF- she was the sole mastermind; the event was under her control.

It is often the case with the MFF, both in terms of set up, and in sexual execution, that the primary male seeks to take too dominant a role.  An MFF works much better when the male takes a back seat and allows the majority of the work to be done by the women.  In terms of the sexual activity, men adopting a position where they are on their back, kneeling or otherwise open geometrically is far more enjoyable than going for missionary or similar, where the only free side left is your back and buttocks, and the other woman can’t get to the one you are on top of at all.  This leads to basically taking it in turns with the women, while one sits bored.  It’s a bit of a rookie mistake.  If you are laying down, allowing the women to pleasure you, you have several fun areas they can work with, and they can also reach each other.  A personal favourite of mine is standing or sitting in a circle in a hot tub- it gives a very intimate yet equal feeling, and there are always plenty of places to put your hands and lips, for all parties at once.

Karl’s situation was perhaps a little unusual, and if you are reading this you are likely to feel ready to take a pro-active stance in securing your own threesome, rather than hoping for a miracle.  The later blogs will tell you all you need to know.

 

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